Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Emotional Translation on Star Voice of India

Saritha tries hard to entertain herself watching Voice of India

What do you do when the show that promised to offer novelty and amazing talent to music lovers, loses its plot and plays merry-go-round instead? You prefer to skip the main meal and focus on the side dish, like reading between the lines, under the lines and just lines and translate them to what exactly they mean.

Toshi sings Himesh’s "Tadap". Abhijeet fumes “Shut up Toshi! I hate Himesh because I can't add entertainment value to the show the way he did. Don’t sing any of his songs or you wont get to drive my car.”

Toshi’s look when Shahid came on the stage seemed to suggest “Loser!”

Aadesh probing Shahid about why "You are my Sonia!" was one of his favorite songs. Looked like what Shahid really wanted to say was, “Yeah, my ex wore a dazzling red outfit for this song, is now painting the town red with her new boyfriend Saif and is making me see red. Thats why I love this song! Anything else, jerk!?”

Ishmeet wins a bike for the highest number of votes and everyone goes “What?! Who the *&#^%! is counting the votes???"

Shahid feels Toshi came down heavily on mike (what ever that means) twice during his first song, Toshi stares “Heavily? Wait till I sing the second one, bachcha. I am going to swing heavily into the audience.” Shahid is later forced to say “I take back my words, boss! You were brilliant”.

Abhaas asks for fitness tips from Shahid, who promptly advises the kid to focus on singing. Abhaas: “Cha! I should stop sucking up to every celeb. It’s doing me no good anyway”.

Priyani, representing the women in the country (huh? Is she the new Mother Teresa or Sunita Williams?) thinks, “Hey what am I supposed to do with a bike?! Gift it to brother or boy friend? Or may be you thought girls hardly survive Chakravaats, so no worries there.”

Abhijeet proposes that judges decide on elimination for once and ignore the junta. Gajji, after swatting him away thinks, “Abhijeet, may be you need a holiday. Why don’t you go visit that doctor in Dubai and get your lost neurons back so your brain’s functioning like a normal being”

On the engaging qawaali episode, Toshi employs some sargam-taans, Irfan and Ishmeet curse “Saala! Yeh phir se bike le jaayega”

Only Ustad Amjad Ali khan backs Ishmeet, after his sincere attempt at singing ‘qurbani’ is met coldly. Ishmeet – “(sobbing) Give me a hug, Ustad Paaji.”

Lalit covers up Harshit’s lack of depth in singing this genre, “As long as we play your ‘andhi dadi’ card, you’ll be safe”

Irfan’s finishes his shayari and a confused Pankaj Udhas goes “Khattam already? Never mind”. Starts clapping.

Phaltu Drift Advice (we love giving that): A classical music special will further challenge these contestants to hone their singing skills. At the end, I don’t know why I am missing Musasrat, I hardly knew this guy but both ‘Gulabhi ankhen’ and ‘Rafta rafta’ reminded me of how well he sang them.

Also:

49 comments:

Anonymous said...

he he e

The captions are so effy funny ,

cant seems to find your sense of humour aspi , definately you captions are the high point .. of this post..

again saritha , a great analysis of the most boring reality contest..

enjoyed your post more then the entire VOI series .

m said...

i am sick of seeing shahid everywhere. He looks weird, like one of those midgets (sorry vertically challenged), he has fine lines around his face and yet looks like a teenager, its hard to explain..

Like Gary Coleman

http://z.about.com/d/politicalhumor/1/0/U/coleman_eastbayexpress.jpg

He looks like he's depressed. Just watching him bores me. He should hook up with boooring Amrita Rao or Vidya Balan

m said...

he's making a movie with vidya balan apparently. Imagine the snoozefest the movie will be. Vidya talks like she is permanently tired. I can't stand her. She always looks like she is trying hard to appear intelligent when she is just like everyone else.

She also dresses ammafied clothing just so people take her seriously as an "actress". ARGH..

Shahid should marry Vidya and leave Bollywood and hopefully actresses like Lara get their due then.

Shekhar Ki Deewani said...

Well, I saw the episode, and it freaked me out...mann ITS SO EFFIN BORING!!!Tried hard to forget SRGMP...no use...all the judges like r so stumped..esp Pankaj Udaas...he lives his name mann....Abhijit is more like Abhihaar...
Shahid is ,yea, vertically challnged...hez like hardly 5'7...and hez gotta huge hed..and huge lips..ull puke if u see him personally....i remember seeing him on DD2...dancing in Shiamak Bawa's 'Body2Body Soul2Soul' in the early 90's...
BUT...this article was fabulously written...well done Saritha....have some hope now..now on no more VOI...only our drift commentary..
PS:WE WANT HIMESH BACK!!!!!

m said...

in early 90's? WTF? he was like what 10?

Shekhar Ki Deewani said...

yup....around dat much...hez justa year older than i am..so i was 8-9 dat time...he was de only kid on de show..hhaha

musing said...

Hey Anonymous and the rest of the gang, about Shekhar and M / SKD I found this fantastic one-liner:)

Shekhar's at the age where he would want two girls. In case he fell asleep they will have someone to talk to!!

Somewhat like this forum, Shekhar's asleep and the two are a talking again ;)

Those fruit flavored tea's are so invigorating :))

All this talk about Himesh now actually makes Aspi and Me look like prophets and visionaries!!

Abhijeet, Adesh = Himesh Wannabes

-rejuvenated musing

OzAngel said...

I.Don't.Like.Himesh.And.I.Want.SRGMP07.Back.And.SvoI.Sucks.

Shekhar Ki Deewani said...

Ahh Musing, well sed....we both do takl 2 each oder once in a a while...btw, does Shekhar visit the blog and post comments anonymously or oderwise?

Sidekick said...

Saritha... nice one! wish i could say the same abt the show. i'm wondering if i shd give it the JDJ treatment and abandon it altogether. i can still read yr very entertaining posts and enjoy aspi's smashing captions and save myself the time.

even the celeb guests aren't able to save the show anymore. i watched on friday only coz shahid is the current lab rat for difters thanks to mind rush's piece. for all my eagerness to play amateur psychologist, i was too bored to maintain more than a desultory interest. adesh's symptoms of foot-in-the-mouth-itis were the only saving grace. it was the only time i saw the semblance of a pulse in shahid!

the qawaali epi i watched in the hope that amjad ali khan would play and of course that pankaj udhas would sing. one part of that paid off, but i was disappointed in udhas's singing. was it only me or did udhas have an off-nite on saturday?

as for the quality of the contestants, sadly we've been spoiled by SRGMP. saritha u're not the only one who missed mussarat and the SRGMP gang. irfan sang piya haji ali, which is among my fave raja performances, and i was so not moved by his rendition. the judges OTOH were completely OTT in their comments. o,well.... in the spirit of the glass half full ---we were lucky to enjoy an outstanding SRMGP :) .for a show that is aiming to take on SRGMP on its turf, VoI doesn't seem to have the wherewithal. the judges are uninspiring, the nautankis lack dramatic punch and the singers are me-toos. even if the quality of singing is not the best on II, it does have a unique appeal. we connect with the young aspiring amateur singers..... lets see how gajji's gamble fares next year.

Anonymous said...

Irfan is a history now because of low votes. ( to be elliminated this week)
The left over is Toshi , Abhas , Ishmmeet & Harshit
Take your pick !

$ 0.02 Worth. said...

Actually, from a singing POV the outstanding singer(for some time, literally so) has been Toshi. So he should win this contest and maybe that's why he will not win the contest. On the contrary, Ishmeet is the least gifted and therefore in a contrarian sense he is obviously the winner of SVOI.

The middle road will be someone like Harshit I guess and that's where I would put my money.

-$0.02Worth.

OzAngel said...

Good analysis Two cents.

Himesh R said...

guys do u feel like , you are missing me in the SVOI ...

DO you miss me in the reality shows..

i think i am right..

that makes my TRP the highest

SkD said...

Himeshhhh we miss u dude...come backk pleejh...even de kids chllnge sux widout u...u were de villain mann...and no film's complete widout a vilain.

SkD said...

Well well another dialogue from my faltoo brain..entirely my creation...

After wimming SRGMP....Himass and oder Gurus:

Bappida:Congrets Himess, tomara ghorana ka Oink jeeta...congrets

HR:[Shouting]Yeh toh hona hi tha kyun ki mujhe Roti chahiye Roti!!!

ID:Abbe bhikari!tu apne aap ko samajhta kya hai?saala kaan pak gaye tera faltu drama dekhke aur sunke...meri haalat dekh...bilkul bhaaloo lag raha hoon..sirf tumhari vajay se...

SR:Ismailji, aap Himesh se aise baat na kare...woh mera dost hai.

VD:[to SR]Fuckin shit!When de fuck did dis happn??U betrayed me????

HR:Hahaha Vishal...tumhe kya lagaa??Mere toh sab deewane ho jaate hai..Ismailjee..mai aap ki feelings genuinely samajhta hoon..aur janta se yeh kehna chahta hoon ki please...Ismailji ko ....dus joote maare...saala kya bola mujhe?bhikari?tu bhikari, tujhe toh SLB ne apni film se hataa bhi diya hai...

Bappida:In dono ka pyar dekh kar mujhe gaane ka mann kor raha hai..."sings some bong song."

ENTER ANEEK DHAR:

AD: SIR I LOVE U SIR....THANKS SO MUCH SIR...

HR:Mujhe pata hai....kal raat ko sab dekha tu mujhe kitna pyaar karta hai mere bacche;-)Tum sach mein bohot acche aadmi ho...bohot cute ho tum....

VD:Bludy paedophile!!!...

SR:Vishal, main keh raha tha na ki raat ko Raja ko bhejte hai iske paasss...

VD: HUH????

ID: Dekha Vishal, yahan teri khopdi ke andar ka dimaag thoda thanda karne ke liye side mein rakh ke aate toh yeh din dekhna nahi padta...ab jhelo iss bimari ko..

SR: Ismailji, aap vaapas Himeshji ko bura bhala keh rahe hai..maine kaha tha na ki....

VD: WTF Shekhar??Wats rong wid u mannnnn?????ur not supporting me?*pissed and walks off*


SR: Vishal...wait ruko...im sorry..*runs bhind him*

BD: *Still singing..eyes closed..falls asleep*

HR to AD: I told u...I am God...

AD: yes, sir...aap mahaan ho..*and falls at his feet.."


ID: Waah...Himesh, kya game khela hai...ab apni next picture mein tumse ggaana gavaoonga:)

Anonymous said...

'Cha!' - Sarita, r u telugu?
Fondly remembering how many different ways telugus say 'cha'

Priti said...

Hey Himmy B...Where art thou? I have been visiting Aspi's only for the pure entertainment value this place provides. Whoz got the time (actually that should read inclination) for watching these ***yawn*** programs, now that challenge SRGMP is over.

We do miss the quality of SRGMP; but most of all you, HB. The kind of passion everyone felt before, during, and after the show for you is unmatchable! The others (shows and judges) pale in comparison!

We do need you around, all the time. Our only catharsis zone….

meee said...

Last time Bappida appeared in public without shades

http://i.indiafm.com/img/feature/07/oct/lata1.jpg

Shekhar Ki Deewani said...

AAA!!Scary shit!No wunder he wears shades...keep dem on dude!

Saritha said...

Thanks anon,SKD and Sidekick!

loved all the comments here.Better than the singing on the show for sure.

Saritha said...

Anon,

didn't realize that only telugus use 'cha' *sheepish grin*

Yup,Iam one!

Joules said...

I dont watch this show. Dont get the show on my dish and I am iffy about the quality on the internet.

So will try to start a new topic. Because I cant start my day without commenting on this blog :)

Who are the drifters favourite singers in bollywood? I like Sukhwinder Singh, Sonu Nigam and Kunal G. Love Atif's voice although some of his songs sound similar.

Not that fond of Himesh's crooning but I think he is not that bad as a composer. Whenever we have bollywood dance parties everyone wants to dance on Himesh songs besides Kajrare which in opinion is a highly overrated song. Ofcourse, I feel the same about Aish that M feels about Rani Mukherjee.

Joules said...

Forgot to mention: Saritha, I can sense from your writing how painful this show has become.

Your blog entry and Aspi's captions are the highlight of the show.

Aspi said...

Meee, brilliant link!

SkD, funny but * your F words please. Note: mild hindi swearing is allowed. At least from my end.

Joules, there are hardly any guys I don't like. The women are another story. I like Sunidhi and Richa Sharma - just about anyone who won't sing in a girly voice all the time.

ritha said...

Joules: my favs are KK, Hariharan, Mahalaxmi Iyer (her voice has a soothing quality), Sunidhi for the more popsy/contemporary kinda songs. As I opined before, I think Alka should def retire...her voice is too screechy... esp these days!

Shekhar Ki Deewani said...

Sorry Aspi..point noted!

anu g said...

Saritha,ur writing is certainly in inverse proportion to the VOI show....as the show gets more boring, ur posts r getting so much more interesting.Ur write-ups coupled with Aspi;s captions are a deadly combination.

Saritha said...

Joules and anu,thanks for the support.Stay with me on this one girls,it'll be over soon:)

anu g said...

Saritha, we r having a family function tomorrow, so I hope to get all the interesting comments from the Mamis!

Saritha said...

Waiting for ur update,anu:)

anu g said...

Sadly, Saritha, no comments. They watch the show on Sunday, so I was the one who gave them the info. Of course when i told them Irfan was out, they were all upset and said 'thats why most of our friends dont watch VOI. Now even we will stop.The whole selection is a fraud.How could they allow the wildcards to come in, and the top 4 to start going out.etc etc".
I watched parts of the show yday. Irfan sang 'tadap tadap' beautifully.
But I must say I am glad the girls are out. The darji is back to his old ways....or I guess the hairstylist (or rather hairspoilist!!!). Toshi was sporting a brown dry curly nest....literally it looked like a sookha hua ghosla' on his head. Irfan's hair had been ironed out silky-smooth (like the satin sheets next to Aspi;s Silk Smitha pic).It was just flopping all over his face.
Shekar Suman rubbed it in on Abhaas's teeth(er,lack of it).. He said 'Daler said u r 17 and look 70, But I tell u , u look like a 7 month old child cos ur teeth havent come out as yet"....Poor Abhaas, for those who didnt understand what Daler meant, now they know!!!
Hey Saritha, how come no mention of Adesh;s new Chingu-Mingu beard and mooch on last weeks voi. I assumed he'd groomed it, but my husband , the expert on hair-growth says its a false-one.What do u say????

Saritha said...

Men know better abt beards and mouche,so I'll take ur hubby's opinion.lol at ur hair-spoilist review.
i'll have to see that.

SkD said...

heheh...yea, that tuft of hair is fake...i also know what products Adesh uses...i spotted him once in a dubai grocery store wid his wife..i wa working there dat time..he was buying those ultra cheap hairsprays and deodarants...de ones which r like 2-5 aed...around Rs.55...eeew

m said...

atif was looking hot, i didn't know he was good looking AND talented. I'll date him.

He seemed like a nice dude too but WTF WAS UP WITH THAT ANNOYING laughter challenge guy. I hate that show and I hate him. He so aint funny.

The show was sad, Irfan leaving was so depressing. He sang the best fo shizzle. Everyone were mean to him.. i wanted to hug him.

m said...

y didn't the annoying old dude who thinks he's some hot stuff (eww) let atif speak too? uffff

and abhijeet was prolly getting another hair transplant procedure done.

Doesn't he hate Pakistani singers? would have loved to see him on the show when atif rocked it with his presence.

OzAngel said...

I don't like the laughter challenge either M. And I've all but given up on Svoi.

SkD said...

I know dis is ot the right topic to post this link under...but hey...anything about himesh is most welcome anywhere...guys, dis is an article..around 9 yrs old...detailed info on what Himesh was upto those days..lol..worth a read..

http://www.expressindia.com/news/ie/daily/19980127/02650694.html

Saritha said...

Incredible SKD!Thanks for that link.So we are not entirely wrong then.Himesh is a mktg genia**.

SkD said...

heheh..ur most welcome Saritha...yea, he sure is a Marketin genia$$....we seriously have underestimated that guy...all dis the age of 26??incredible isnt it?

anu g said...

Hey M, heres good news about Irfan.As soon as he was ousted, he got a call from Vishesh films to sing for their latest film 'Jannat'.I m glad for him. He was a genuinely nice guy, and deserved a break.More details on:
http://www.mumbaimirror.com/net/mmpaper.aspx?page=article§id=12&contentid=2007102920071029031702921ebd6b0ec

meg said...

thanks anu for the good news..i hope the song gets successfull and he gets more offers..irfan deserves it!!

the way he sang tadap tadap ke was so emotional and touching..

anu g said...

Saritha, the voting on VOI is going all against what ur drift ticker says. U said Harshit is ok, but he was the topper and got the bike last week.Ishmeet got a 'thumbs down' but he was safe.Abhaas a 'Thumbs Up' but he was in the chakravaat, and Toshi a 'Thumbs up' But he is out this week!This proves its such a big mess.
U were right about VOI. The idea is to get all the wildcard entries out again. It seems they r going to have a best of 3 now.Abhaas is sure to come third.
Waiting for ur next post eagerly.What little entertainment we get from VOI, is only from ur post!!!

Sidekick said...

anu g, toshi is out? this whole thing makes no sense. haven't been watching long enuf to form firm faves, but toshi seems like the poor man's raja to me and therefore the closest to a fave :) i think $0.02 is right - harshit will end up a compromise winner. also, good for irfan. anu g, thanks for the news. got to say though i wasn't terribly impressed by him. i think its the SRGMP hangover --- none of the singers match up!

anu g said...

Tycoon Saritha,where r u? Miss the updates on VOI. Cmon!Bahut ho gaya...its weekend time now!! Ur comments are so much more interesting than the show!!

Saritha said...

hey anu!I get the better quality today so I'll be downloading it soon but Iam waiting for ur update on Toshi's elimination:)

.m.a.n.o. said...

Yaar Saritha, I've been waiting for your update on VOI for ages! :P
Pretty please...update? :)
tcz!

Parveen said...

Now that Abhas is also out - The finalists are Harshit and Dar Ji !
Winner will be any ones guess !

Saritha said...

Sorry for the delay,.m.a.n.o!I've sent the post to the Big Boss this evening and since he's taken the caps already,it shd be up anytime:)

Parveen,

I thought the Abhaas elimination is not confirmed yet.