Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Katti with Famous in Bollywood

Mind Rush begins a regular Dard-e-dil column in which (rumor has it) famous Bollywood stars anonymously ask for some phaltu Drift advice. Our first sankat bhara prashn:

Hi Mind Rush,

I'm a famous Bollywood actress struggling to break internationally. I've married into a rather famous Bollywood family to a moderately successful actor. However, I'm katti with the most famous actor in Bollywood, who doesn't get along with my sassur.

Should I try to repair my relationship with the famous actor? Or should I follow my sassur's lead on this? Help!

- A(nonymous) R(eader)



Dear A(nonymous) R(eader),

OK, so let me get this straight. You are famous, successful, happily married and on the verge of of an international career. Let me guess: you are probably beautiful and rich too. And you think YOU have problems??!

Ms. A.R., in the male dominated world of Bollywood you need to write your own script. Forget the other famous star's rantings. (He probably regrets being katti with you too.) Forget the sassur (professionally at least. He probably has his own biased baggage.)

You go girl! Go pursue Hollywood! Go to Cannes or the Oscars. Be seen on red carpets with your hubby playing arm candy. Pursue propah British film projects too as they will pave the path to LA. If all else fails do some brand endorsements so that your face is splashed across magazines and gets you instant recognition.

Your best revenge will be to become internationally known. Soon the "most famous" actor will be writing to Mind Rush for advice on how to manao you!

- Mind Rush

Everyone, this is written in jest. Please don't be daft and mistake this for professional advice.


Also:

74 comments:

Aspi said...

Mind Rush, excellent advice!

Anyone famous out there need help? Leave Mind Rush your questions in the comments.

Eli Roth said...

Dear Mind Rush

Lions Gate doesn't let me have any creative freedom. I used to enjoy making gorno (aka torture porn) but ever since I met a lovely young woman, everytime i sit down writing ideas for most innovative ideas of maiming and torturing a half naked woman, i end up writing sweet love songs to the girl of my dreams.

She is a lot younger than I am (but legal) and she loves me for who I am, sick and twisted and with bushy eyebrows.

But how can i go back to envisuating torture chambers and not gardens of love.

After all i need to stick to my genre to earn bread for my new woman. I don't want struggles.

Love,
E

Bella said...

Brilliant Mind Rush!
This was a fantastically hilarious start to the day.

oooh, gotta love your disclaimer :)

Bella said...

Brilliant Mind Rush!
This was a fantastically hilarious start to the day.

oooh, gotta love your disclaimer :)

minnie said...

emmmmmmmmm..just 1 question,isnt calling her husband a 'moderately succesful' actor an exaggeration?
maybe he shud send a question..'.i am too tied up to my mama's apron strings,my wife is more successful than i ,i have to tag along with her and my even more succesful dad to come into the limelight or else be neglected..dear mind rush..how do i become successful without my famous surname in tow? and not look like a chamcha on the red carpet?"

Tania said...

I would like to hear what our dear Meg has to say about this. ;)
And Mind Rush,hasn't Anonymous Reader done all this before? do you think this will help her mend fences with the Most famous star?
BTW , Can someone tell me if Mindrush is a Ms. or Mr.? I am so confuzzed? :S

Aspi said...

Eli, your love for M will be processed by the Rush, I'm sure.

minnie, I confess I wrote that question up and I thought he's had some hits (B&B, the Dhoom franchise) but he's not guaranteed box office yet.

tania, Mind Rush is hugely mysterious and I think likes to keep it that way. Kind of like Megan. Both are pretty sure about their online boundaries (at least here).

girlie girl said...

Mind Rush, that was hysterical. You're the new 'Dear Abby'...except for famous people!

Aspi, you said that the husband isn't a guaranteed box office yet, but I dont think the wife is either. I mean, let's face it, she's made some really, REALLY bad movies and industry-related decision...! I agree with Minnie, the husband needs to write to Dear Mind Rush and get the answers he needs!

Saritha said...

Agree with girlie girl.The wife is moderately successful,as well.It's just that her face can launch million products and she will be famous for that,forever.As for bollywood,I think not.

I want mind rush to answer minnie's question.That's a good one and the poor guy could be named ' Desperate Husband'.

Saritha said...

I might also add that I really like the 'Deperate Husband'.

Sania said...

re: Megan being evasive. Agreed! I'm still not quite sure if she's brown. :) But it's great having her around!

anu g said...

Interesting post Mindrush.Hope to hear more advice from the agony aunt/uncle???Everyone wants to know.
But did u really need the ps note?

megan said...

"she's made some really, REALLY bad movies and industry-related decision"

Can you please elaborate on that? umm every actor/actress have "HORRIBLE" movies on their repertoire..

Just because she didn't kiss up to the so called "ruler Khans" and "Yashraj" and made candy floss movies don't mean anything

if anything that made me her fan, she isn't like any of those other actresses who do the same roles in every movie.. she wasn't afraid of do a movie like Choker Bali and Kandolukein Kandoloukein sic? (when every mainstream actresses stayed away from regional cinemas)..

she is who she is because of her alone, and despite media, her backstabbing friends in the industry, bollywood fans who can't get enough of her and bash her every chance they get, everyone trying to get her down, she only came out stronger and still now is the highest paid actress..

and gets movie offers from people like Ashutosh G., Mani Ratnam, Sriram Raghavan, Ritoparno Ghosh and other acclaimed directors..

Tania said...

Meg
About Choker bali, she was extremely wooden and I can vouch that any regional actress could have acted better than her. When i spoke to Rituparno when he came to the Bengali conference here last July, the only reason they took her was because of her sellability factor so that they could financiers , not her acting. So please spare me that "Ash the ice maiden can act"

meg said...

well thats strictly YOUR opinion, it does not make it a FACT.. and whatever you said negated once you showed how biased you are judging at the last sentence..

So SPARE me YOUR opinion that she can't act...

*rolleyes*

ritha said...

Gotto say Ash in D2....rofl...sure shes a 20 something! I think her makeup guys shud be fired...her tanned face looked blotchy in the climax scenes...

girlie girl said...

I agree that she has done variety of roles and different types of movies. And I also agree that doing commercial movies doenst make you a 'star' or a 'quality actor' but out of all the movies that she's done, how many can you name where her acting was worth noticing? I can probably name maybe 3-4...I'm sure there are a lot of people who agree with me and a lot of people who agree with you. But what i'm trying to say is just because she is linked to a name of any movie doenst make the movie a automatic hit!

"Just because she didn't kiss up to the so called "ruler Khans" and "Yashraj" and made candy floss movies don't mean anything"

--Meg, I hate to break it to you, but she has done that in the past!! And that whole family kisses up to the Yashraj production, and so does she!!

m said...

yes without calling that old dude "uncle" and yes ppl so kiss their butt but if she was desperate she would have not had a self dignity and said "Srk yes you are the best even if you got me out of your production for no fault of me and without telling me you are awesome" and done veer zaara and other "commercially viable" projects..

and also so she has done 3-4 mvoies where she was "good" according to you.. but how many Indian movies are there where the actor/actresses have to show any histrionics? maybe 5%..

same goes for Rani.. she does one "Black" which i found totally overrated.. and does other crapfests where all she does is cry and people think she is some sort of a thespian..

in 17 years of srk's career how many roles has he done where he had to show his "acting skills"??? swades and to some extent Chak De India.. But that is allowed..

heck everyone's allowed to have bad movies, bad performances etc except Ash..

I hate double standards of majority of desi people.. and specially bollywood fans who are so immature...

ritha said...

rani's black was so average...i found the movie to be average too;still dont get it why its a grt film.

Kajol, Sridevi are the only female actors worth their salt...everyone else...well if u are in the industry for so long, u r bound to learn a thing or two! ofcoz, some people still dont learn that despite being arnd for a decade or so..;)
Sigh! I wish Aamir khan did more movies...really waiting for TZP

btw does anyone know of chitrangada singh? I saw her in hazaron khwahishen aisen and was mighty impressed! Very impressed with Shiney ahuja in that film too...although he has been disappointing in the other films that followed.Guess all the credit goes to sudhir mishra...anyway apparently chitrangada is planning to make a comeback...am happy, shes one stunner!

m said...

is chitragada RLY making a comeback???? Thats awesome. I loved her in HKA and she was in another movie with shiney. Directed by the writer of HKA..

I hope she does Sudhir Mishra's new movie, and somehow Soha gets bumped.. The new S.M. movie with Neil Mukesh "Ab tera kya hoga Johnny" or something like that..

Shiney never impressed me except in HKA but I liked Kay Kay more in it. I didn't like Vikram the character.

I find Kajol to be a one trick pony. I think she is overrated too and never saw what the big deal was with SRK-Kajol jodi, i am not the type who goes "awwww cutie pies, look at them holding hands i'm gonna go shed some tears they are soooo adorable"...

i don't think i have seen any sri devi movies, i hate 80's and 90's bollywood..

Sidekick said...

Dear Mind Rush

I'm so impressed with your advice to my good friend AR that despite it being antithetical to my nature, I am seeking your counsel too. Right now, I am a celebrated but beleaguered Bollywood director. The critics have lashed out at not only my pure,subtle,beautiful story but have also launched broadsides at my personality dubbing it as controlling, egotistical, self-indulgent and so on. What is even worse is that my magnum opus has been dubbed a flop. I've gone on the offensive too ---- to tell my side of the story but it hasn't stemmed the tide of the critics.

What should I do now? Ignore the ignorant, biased, critics who clearly have an agenda against me or continue to fight with all I've got. Can I help it if I'm a misunderstood genius and the naysayers are clearly too stupid to understand the subtlety of my craft?

S(eriously) L(ost) (in) B(ollywood)

Sidekick said...

Mind Rush, great column. Look fwd to the next editions :)

As much as I like debates and hearing different points of view, fm my experience on this blog there is no good way for an Aish Bachchan discussion to end. Views on her are way too polarized and strong for there to be any lighthearted discussion. As for me, I like Ash but I like Rani too --- I don't see it as some zero sum game.

Meg, I thoroughly enjoy yr uncensored, colorful, in yr face comments. More power to you on the Ash love and the Rani-SRK hate but if people disagree are they necessarily biased or guilty of double standards? Hopefully it shd be ok for everyone to love, hate or be indifferent to celebs in their own way --- just my 2 cents :)

m said...

yeah but that goes to other ppl as well, why is it that when i say stuff i dislike about bipasha and rani and other "popularly loved" people, others are allowed to defend them and its normal

but god forbid if i defent ash then i am not hearing out others' views..its like this everywhere where bollywood is discussed therefore i stay away from these forums...

people look at you like you are weird when you defend her because it is just mroe convenient and so called "popular viewpoint" to just call her names.. IMO

Sidekick said...

Yikes Meg, I certainly don't mean to drive you away - if anything you are one of the leading attractions of this blog.... certainly for me :)

If I wasn't clear, let me restate: I defend vociferously your right to defend Ash AND deride anyone else (Bips, Rani... whoever!). IMO others are free to agree or disagree. But I don't think that stating yr point of view whether popular or otherwise makes you biased or guilty of a double std.

This is all sounding way too serious, so definitely no more pontification on this --- at least for today :P

Mind Rush said...

Dear Eli Roth and SL(o)B,

Mind Rush has noted your entreaties and is rummaging through the reference book called Psychoanalysis of Films. A fitting response shall be constructed right after turkey tomorrow.

m said...

sidekick - yeah lets digress..i am off to smoke some pot and listen to music

headmistress said...

God, I loved HKA. Both Shiney and Kay Kay - awesomeness. I'm disappointed to see Shiney drifting down the more shiny, glossy mainstream path now though, though Kay Kay is still a joy to watch.

I liked Aish in Choker Bali. Raincoat too. Perhaps it was just a sellability gimmick, "look! pretty girl can do deep, broody serious too!!!" and 'wooden' is at times an understatement for her, but hey, I appreciated the effort and a little diversity. However I think that the time of her pushing the boat out is gone now.
Kajol - I wouldn't call her a one trick pony, but she was an actress very much of the 80's/ 90's - I can't see her style/personality adapting to current tastes. Juhi though, really shines in her recent stuff - I loved her in 7.5 Phere.

bye bye m said...

i hope she is gone for good.

Aspi said...

Akcheloi when I read about people praising Deepika's "acting chops" in OSO, I couldn't help but think of Ash. Given time, they'll be ripping her up like they do Ash.

Really in Ash's illustrous career, I've found only three cringeworthy moments (not that I've watched everything she's done): (1) her appearance on Letterman (2) her interpretation of Sunehri in D:2 and (3) Dating a guy who wore shorts that rode up his ass in that movie they did together.

Otherwise, pretty good!

Aspi said...

Megan and Sidekick, brilliant questions! Sidekick, especially loved the SLB interpretation.

Aspi said...

ritha, if you are reading this and would like to co-review a couple of albums with me, please drop me an email at ahavewala at gmail.

I have an idea - it won't take much of your time at all if you've already heard the albums (which you might have since you are normally so into music).

Grow Up, Megan said...

Meg-
"yeah but that goes to other ppl as well, why is it that when i say stuff i dislike about bipasha and rani and other "popularly loved" people, others are allowed to defend them and its normal"

Yes, defending actors is normal and okay. But that's not all YOU do when you defend people you like. You also make personal comments at people who don't agree with you. Maybe that's also "normal" in your book. I don't remember the last time someone accused YOU of double standards or of being biased just because you like Ash and they don't. THAT is what you're missing. I hope with time and maturity you will understand that. Alright, start the name-calling now and prove me right.

Grow Up, Megan said...

I also noticed, Megan, that your standard reaction to disagreement is "I'm going to leave this forum."

So you'll just disappear if people have a problem (after calling them names, of course), but heavens forbid you won't consider mending your ways or coming to a peaceful resolution. How old are you again?

ritha said...

:) thanks aspi...but i would like to stick to throwing in my two cents on the blog here...i think 'writing posts/collaborating' is a big responsibility :P while commenting...aah iz like aam junta's kaam. :D. Such joy!

Bharati said...

good one mindrush , and sidekick
as far as rating actresses ( or female actors , as shabana would admonish)
I think it boils to 1)intention to go beyond the usual 2dialogue+4songs glamour routine or big banner 2)raw talent 3) star power/screen presence or tht x factor
IMO
aish I guess scores high on 1 and 3, she has gone beyond the beaten track , worked with varied filmmakers and love her or hate her she has as much screen space/star power as the male superstars and for all her lack of acting skills as aspi said I have rarely seen her sabotage a role as srk did in devdas
rani does have 1 and 2 but whether it her adi chopra entanglement or wanting to be in everybodys good books she has not gone beyond the big bollywood names in recent times and has got too repetitive which gets her score down on both 1 and 2( for all the bong identity which she proudly wears havent seen her working with a rituparno or aparna sen)

tabu is probably the female actor who is consistently high on 1 and 2

kajol I agree is overrated but smart ( she knows wht she wants and keeps to it ), except for a stray but soon forgotten udhaar ki zindagi or dushman she hasnt gone beyond the chopra-johar genre ,she is super high on 3 though ,

sridevi is a diff league , given her career span of almost 30+ yrs at the top in 3 langs , her filmography is mind boggling,

madhuri did show some inclination towards the offbeat in her later outings such as mrityudand and devdas but was severely bogged down by the kind of options available in the 80s, am keen to see wht she will do now in her 2nd outing , aaja nachle I think is a pretty tame choice ,lets see

Juhi I guess was very much the PYT in her heydays but has been impressive in the way she has chosen roles and executed them at this stage of her career

whew , that was one long comment from me.

Sidekick said...

Bharati, that's an interesting metric to rate actors and I liked yr analysis. I'm however swearing off commenting on Ash (or Rani, as they seem to be a package deal!) since I don't like what happens when the discussion gets heated. I wish I'd simply not said anything at all. I hate to think my comments (ironically seeking a "live and let live" stance) may have emboldened the sort of unwarranted personal attack on Meg that I absolutely abhor.

On which note, its the perfect time to wish everyone in the US a happy thanksgiving holiday and hope for generosity and peace :)

meg said...

grow up megan? WTF? if you have a problem with me, rather fess up than make up that inane name..and no thanks I don't wish to grow up.. i am quite happy being the way i am

and sorry for actually having a social life to attend to, and not sit here 24*7 waiting for some person in disguise giving me a great big bhasan..and when did i threten to leave??? i must have have had amnesia at the time

anyhoo have fun studying me..

Aspi said...

Megan is our poster girl. She can't leave!

anu g said...

Hey Cool it Meg, and anti-Meg! Mindrush, hey u r supposed to be the in-house counsellor here. Why dont u step in and bring peace back to this forum!I know u r terribly busy with the filmi stars, but Meg is the star of our drift!!

Bella said...

hey... i like Aish :(

minnie said...

sorry digressing from the topic...but is madhuri dixit only 40...hasnt she been around for donkey's years?WHY do the actors in bollywood have to hide their age?

Mind Rush said...

In response to calls for help with conflict resolution...

Ladies and gentlmen of this blog, Let's take a collective deep breath. In, slow, out, slow, in, slow, out, slow. Gooood.

Now:
1) Please remember to treat others as you want them to treat you.
2) Also remember what your mom taught you about not calling people names.
3) Finally, a phaltu tip from the Mind Rush School of Communication Skills...Everyone, please make "I Statements" only. For example, "I love Johnny Lever and feel hurt when you criticize my favorite actor."
4) Now, Meg and her detractors, please apologize and shake shands and....OOPS, gotta go...

Another megastar Bollywood actor/producer is in crisis and calling my Love Chakker Hotline...

anu g said...

Wonderful, Mindrush....That was certainly a very entertaining lecture:).I know it was a very serious technically informative lecture(!) but u have left me laughing too!!!

Rakhi Sawant said...

Yeh ladki kya aishwarya rai ke ghar mein reh ke aayi hai kya.Kya boli jaa rahi hain.

Himesh said...

Mindrush ji,Sidekick ji,anu ji
aap jaise log hazoron,lakho,karodon mein ek paida hota hai ya hoti hai.Aap ne jis tarah se yehan mahaul teek kiya hai,genuinely main kudh aap ka bahut bada fan ban gaya hun.

aap bahut cute hain,bahut acche insan hai,genuinely aap bahut aage jayang bahut zyaada kushi ho rahi aap ki picture mane yeh blog golden jubilee celebrate karegi,yeh World ka number one blog site HOGA.KYA KEHTE HAIN AUDIENCE *screaming*

George Bush said...

People like mindrush,sidekick,anu and even aspi are not helping make this place any safer.why do they always try to diffuse a war-like situation.thats it,i have had enuf,iam sending troops,NOW

ekta kapoor said...

mind your language bush!I am the new GB of India and nobody messes up with my title,position and power.iam sending tulsi,parvati,prerna and others to torture you and your soldiers with their drama.You'll wish you were never born to meet these Indian TV characters. *applies a tilak on her forehead*

VS said...

What a kick-ass performance.You all have made us proud.Mindblowing

Tania said...

Meg
For your rolling eyes and strictly your comment, I quoted Rituparna and its not my opinion.
And just becuase I don't agree with you doesn't make me wrong.

Aspi said...

Hey SRGMP gang! Its always good to see you on this blog. VS, why do you comment together? Don't you have seperate computers? (Whoever did those - hugely funny! And great ideas for this column, no?)

minnie, if you see Aaja Nachle, come and tell us if you think Madhuri role is not consistent with her age. I'm particularly curious because I think we could be on the cusp of something new in Bollywood here.

VS said...

Actually Aspi, Shekhar does not use the computer much.He has typing dyslexia. He just tells me to comment on his behalf, so I have to do so.And we don't have separate computers, as we r cutting our production costs.We even eat in the same plate, and wear the same underwear interchangeably.

Aspi said...

VS, I hope you flip the underwear inside out before the exchange. Actually if you had done this on SRGMP, between you and Darbar, Himesh would have left the house.

VS said...

Yes, we flip it.But, we would rather not try this with Darbar.I heard he has got lice in his pubic area.And Shekhar is Himesh's best buddy, after me of course. So, we would want him to stay.

Ismail Darbar said...

AY VISHAL, APNE AAP KO SAMAJHTA KYA HAI.KISNE KAHA TUJHSE KE MERE PUBIC AREA MEIN LICE HAI??SAB BAKWASS HAI.MUJHE SIRF HERPES HAI, AUR KUCCH NAHI.

Real VS said...

wtf?this not the real VS and I dont even know the other gut Ismail.enuf of the flipping flapping awrite

We comment together coz we'd like to consult each other b4 saying something.We are inseperable you know.

Aish said...

there is someone who cares about me.thanks for supporting me when the whole media,whole industry and 'desi' fans are going against me.I am touched.

pehchaan kaun said...

'Chalte chalte' is history.Why is everyone talking about it now?i've secured my position again after a series of flops ,with OSO and rather than celebrating my success you want to spoil it.
heeeeyyyyyy bahhhhhhut hhhhhoogggayya ha,enna rascala,abhi ke abhi ja aur mera picture dekh.

Subhash Ghai said...

everyone is re-making and making my "karz" again and again.why should I stay back.I will remake the film that caused all the problems,chalte chalte.it will be called 'daudthe daudthe'

Ghai said...

i should talk to yash chopra and ask him to convince amitabh to let aish work with srk,that will be the bigger news than abhi-aish wedding.ha ha ha

Yash Chopra said...

Amit,I convinced adi to delete the kissing scene from D2 when you requested me,now it's your turn to return the favour.this new movie will be the biggest blockbuster in the history of hindi films,after Sholay.Think about it,SRk and Aish in yash-Ghai films.

KJo said...

wow,
I should plan K3G sequel,so that I can bring together amit uncle,jaya aunty,hrithik,kareena and add a new twist to the story like ekta does to her serials.a lost son who shows up after 30 years with his wife.I can ask abhishek and aish to play those roles.This is going to be the biggest grosser ever in overseas.I can offer the UK share to bachans and US share to SRK then they wont deny,ha ha ha

Vivek Oberoi said...

No one is talking about me.
My girl left me,
Rani wont talk to me,
Salman wont forgive me,
No one wants to touch me (with a barge pole)

Hrithik said...

What did I do,I dont know why the bachcns are not talking to me?

Rani said...

arre hrithik,what are you saying?i was so close to them before abhi got married.we even had family dinners together,abhi was my favorite co-star,amit uncle did 'Balck' with me and jaya aunty was working on 'laaga' still they didn't invite me for the marriage.

I cried in front of Sharukh who was also crying for not being invited.

AB baby said...

Shut up all of you!Is anyone interested in knowing my POV?

Raju Shrivasthav said...

*laughing*
band karo,aaram karo,yeh toh inka roj ka naatak hai.pal mein bante hain aur pal mein bigdthe hain

Sonu Nigam said...

har ghadi badal rahi hain roop zindagi,
chau hain kabi kabi hain doop zindagi

Mrs.VS said...

Look you two just come home right now and clean the manure pit in the garden. Enough of fooling around in the name of music and OSO.The dogs need to be washed and the floors need waxing.

Mind Rush said...

Whoever wrote the above (creative) posts disguised as celebraties: You are recommened a stint of treatment at the Mind Rush Hospital for Multiple Personality Disporder.

Aspi said...

What a great way to discuss Bollywood gossip - pretend to be celebrities and reveal your innermost feelings. I think we are on to something unique here - if only a desi magazine would run with it.

But afsos! desi magazines need to chato major celebrities to survive.

Anonymous said...

aspi...never had a problem with madhuri coming back...aaja nachle could be a hit..she could play a younger girl in the movie..its a movie and if she looks younger then why not..but feel why not be truthful abt age in reality...the role is important not the age...i think people have become mature enough to accept you with a husband and 2 kids and will come for the famous madhuri charisma not for some nubile teen..

Anonymous said...

sorry that was me and not anon!

minnie said...

minnie i mean...

Aspi said...

minnie, whatever it is: these chances for Madhuri to play her age will be few and far between (I'm sure she plays her age minus 5 or 10 years like everyone else does).

And the success of Aaja Nachle will predicate if any roles like that get written.