Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Ishq on a sticky wicket

Mind Rush returns to guide a confused heart and potentially save the future of Indian cricket.

Dear Mind Rush,

Deepika Padukone Yuvraj Singh DhoniI'm a glam, hip and happening model-turned-actress. My debut film is a smash hit and has broken all kinds of box office records. My career is going swimmingly....but yeh kambakht ishq!

I have at least two dashing GenNext cricketers vying for my attention. My heart though belongs to the one who is a prince amongst cricketers. My "well wishers" tell me I ought to dump him because he is all flash and no fire and his bad attitude and inability to deliver in the ultimate test (cricket) make him unreliable and unworthy of me. I'm torn. What should I do?

D(eeply) P(uzzled)

Dear D(eeply) P(uzzled),

I won't make any tired jokes like "the maiden being bowled over ..". However it seems like Y(our) S(unshine) cricketer is seeing some cloudy days while you are floating on the clouds of success.

Forget the well-wishers. What is it that you want? A fun time in a far off land with a player? Or true Ishq in the genre of QSQT?? (Wait, that's a bad question. You were only a molecule of air on a badminton racquet when Aamir made his debut.)

Since this column be the "food of love" (to misquote the Bard) let me pass along an OSO (oh-so-obvious) lesson on the recipe of an LTR.

Is your love interest a keeper? Does he get you? Does he listen to you with his eyes and ears and heart? Is this the guy who will love you when you have wrinkles, cellulite and fewer teeth? Are you head-over-heels in love and feel the same way about him?

If so, stay. True love is as rare and precious a creation as high quality, single origin 72% dark chocolate.

If on the other hand you adore his cricket scores more than him, then stay too. Just keep it fun, light-hearted but honest. Don't string him along, and NEVER neglect your career to indulge in feelings of being love lorn.

Also, eat your vegetables and wash behind your ears, young lady.

I look forward to your next romantic blockbuster!

Sincerely,
Mind Rush

Disclaimer: Please don't mistake this for professional advice. We're just playing around

Also:

38 comments:

anu g said...

Lol Mindrush!Also glad to note that celebrities r getting sane these days. After all, the last time u were here, u had just one-liner-solutions for them due to lack of time. This time u seem to have had all the time to give ur advice aaraam-se:).

sidekick said...

Mind Rush, another nice one! anu g, i don't know that the stars are getting healthy mentally, i think Mind Rush has deliberately lightened the case load. But yes DP got plenty of TLC :)

P(lump) C(hick) said...

Mind Rushji

I’ve heard so much about your sage and discrete advice from my colleagues in Bollywood. They’re especially impressed by your ability to keep their identities anonymous in your columns!

I’m a hot and happening 20 something beauty queen turned actress. Despite my career going great guns, I seem to be under “heavy” fire from all fronts. The director of my new movie tells me that at 54 Kg I am too large for my fashionable role. The brief is to lose 8 Kgs in 6 weeks – the body that I’ve been torturing groans in protest “fat chance”!

I’m also the target of constant sniping from a rival actor who goes on a friend’s popular chat show and disses me. She is the one that the industry, the critics and the public seem to adore “jab they met” her recently. She says it’s all too easy to look pretty in a big hit movie with a superstar hero. I’m sure she’s taking aim at me. Can I help it if I am pretty and the big heroes like SRK, Hrithik, Akshay and Salman work with me?

To add to my weighty woes is the fact that the path to true love is so twisted. My current aashiq --- H(ero) B(anega) ---is one of the many new kids on the block. His debut movie in which I star too is still under production and with the competition today what if it (and he) is a dud? He’s young, hip and handsome and right now we both work together and work out together. However if our movie fails I can’t handle an insecure struggling actor and the whines that are sure to follow.

I’ll be aapki aabhari P(lump) C(hick) if you can help me with my bhaari problems.

Aspi said...

Mind Rush, fantastic advice as always. I look forward to seeing DP's next movie as well - and I'm particularly interested if she'll be able to impress everyone again by acting lightly in one scene.

PC-avatar, brilliant!

incognito said...

I am effin sick of my parents' lack of respect for other people's privacy. Today I was out all day and I come home and go to my room and it is effin clean, mom went through all my sh*t and then put them in the closets and cupboard in order.

WTF? If she wanted me to clean my room why didn't she say so... I don't want people specially my parents going through my stuff, its disrespectful. I got photos of me, a bong and other things, I bet she saw them...

I am sick of being desi.. GRRRRR i just wanna crrrry...

how dare they touch my stuff.. i would have cleaned the room myself if they were so concerned...

knowing how nosey my mom is i bet she looked at everything.. GRRRR..i bet i wont find anything anymore

Aspi said...

My mom once went through my drawers (the ones that come on a desk) and neatly removed all the cards my ex-girlfriend had sent me just after she became an ex. They were pretty nasty so Mum must have been concerned.

I love you Ma! I'm just saying.

incognito said...

i dont even let them in my room to get anything so what amde them think it was okay to clean my room. I bet they did it just to spite me and ruin my day/week/month

i dont wanna leave home anymore, you never know what stunt they will pull next

Aspi said...

This might be Mum's way of saying she's scared she doesn't know whats going on with you lately.

Mind Rush would probably have something to say but me, I'm lousy at confrontations - so I would just buy that super-heavy fire-proof safe from Costco, put all my sensitive stuff in it and install it in the middle of the room just to make things clear.

Megan Fan said...

Brilliant !!

SkD said...

I mess up my room so much so that it luks worse den a 'tabela'...keeps mom away!!!
I do have to tolerate de constant 'chak-chak' of cleaning my room...but den...ehehehe...i never do it!

anu g said...

Meg, I think Mindrush is the apt person to give u the correct advice.But as a fellow-drifter, let me tell u that almost everyone goes thru this stage.I remember feeling very possessive about my things when i was in college.(and of course I could find things easily when they were in a mess, rather than when arranged neatly:)).But now as a mom myself, I have learnt to see the other side of things.
Maybe ur mom just cleaned the room cos u were having visitors and she didnt want anyone else saying her daughters room is messy?
Maybe she never even saw ur personal stuff.
In the event its been done cos she wants to know about ur new bf, well, i guess she is worried about her daughter and hopes she is not getting into any trouble!
She may not even realise u dont like it. (My daughter who is still 13 is very happy when i clear her room cos she finds it a boring task.Of course she may think differently soon.)
I guess u should talk it out with her and let her know that u rnt very happy about it.
If u think u cant say that, then as Aspi says, find a good hiding place to keep ur personal stuff.That way u neednt worry!
Finally, now that u have decided u rnt leaving home henceforth, good for us, we can see more of the Meganisms in the drift!See!U have to see the good sides of things!
Now please dont get angry with me, Am just trying to help!Cheer up!

anu g said...

And Meg is this really a desi thing? I thought it was more a 'Mom' thing. Well maybe a non-desi mom who is curious would sneak in and have a peak at all ur stuff without disturbing a thing. Dont u think thats worse? Atleast a desi mom is open about what she does:). Trying to make u look at the positive side of things:).

anu g said...

Heres some V-S news.SRK has roped them in to compose his IPL Kolkata Cricket Club theme song. Considering that the numbers say the owners of the clubs would take abut 3-4 years to even break-even, SRK has to try all that he can to make money asap.
http://www.mumbaimirror.com/net/mmpaper.aspx?page=article§id=30&contentid=200801302008013002345232829399de0

incognito said...

call me incog anu G..

well i went for a drive and threw away my bong in the sea..gotta get rid of evidence

they never mentioned anything and are acting normal but i know they are hiding something from me, i'd rather they lash out than act like nothing's happened GRRR i wish i could put locks on my door

she put all the tops in one place and then hung the jackets and dresses all the shoes all lined up (all 64 of them) like i don't want it like that

i want this season's clothes in one place, last seasons's in another..

they haven't even said anything about any of the skimpy outfits, they are playing mind games with me?

got Clark Kent glasses on said...

well anu G what i dont like is she's acting like nothing happened like its okay.. i made it clear that i dont like it..i feel violated.. and i threw a tantrum and they didn't say anything.. mom was like whatever.. dad thinks the whole thing is hilarious ????? i dont think so.. its almost like they don't care that it has severly disturbed and traumatized me

i am not gonna talk to her for a few days that should teach her..

Pratik said...

Brilliant!

DP & PC.....such aa amazing advice & that too for free..Lucky people! ;-)

Joules said...

incog, one way to not have your parents clean your room is to keep your room clean. I learnt that early, and my mother never touched anything in my room because I kept my room lot cleaner than hers.

As far as rights are concerned, she has every right to do it. It is her rules if you dont like it start paying rent. As an american parent would say "as long as you're under my roof you'll play by my rules".

girlie girl said...

Great Job Mind Rush!! Your Love Chakkar column never fails to entertain!! Looks like DP got her life straightened out...now it's PC's turn! Question for all drifters...who is "HB" that PC is dating?!!? I'm so out of the bollywood loop!

Aspi said...

PC is dating this HB, not this one.

Aspi said...

Clothes organized by season! What a brilliant idea (and I recognize a lot of people might be doing this and it could just be me who heard of it for the first time).

Henceforth I am going to organize my clothes by two seasons: cold and not so cold.

Priti said...

Hey Mind Rush - that advice column is really becoming indispensable! Brilliant!
Who is this HB that PC is dating? C'mon guys, let us know - I'll die of curiosity.

Hai, how I can relate to incognito's trauma of parents going thru your stuff! I agree: it totally violates your privacy.
Honestly, I wouldn't have minded people putting my clothes season-wise, but, whoa...they'd need to go thru my stuff and I am loathe to it. I am sure (Anu G, parents think it's their birth right to go thru their wards’ stuff just in case they should go astray...sheesh!) my parent were also doing the same. But it’s unpardonable – really. AS if they are "protecting" me from the big wolves who are ready to devour me! huh!
Even tho' I have been out of college for some years now, I still seethe at the thought of being "minded".

Oh yes, off topic - but I am dying to tell you guys this. I got a message from Himesh R (and my first reaction was how does he know I hate him so! Is he there to assuage my feelings!). But no, it was from him promoting his hit ringtones!!!

meena said...

Aspi, you missed one category,
'My toes fell off', 'cold', and 'not so cold'.

I hope you have clothes for the 'My toes fell off' because..it is freeeezing today in chicago today (-14C, -25C with windchill). All you people in warmer weather.. we hate you!!!

Aspi said...

Priti, HB is Harman Baweja - a rather unfortunate name for a non-Parsi if you ask me. His Dad is Harry Baweja. Any guesses as to the granddad's initials?

meena, toes fall off cold is bad enough, but when it comes so quickly after decent weather - its inhumane. Its like the whip hits you and then the crack really stings right after.

Not that I've been whipped before but I imagine that is what it must be like.

Not that I spend too much time thinking about it either. It just sort of came up.

girlie girl said...

Aspi, look at you covering your a$$ before we starting asking you questions. Meena, you're right, we do hate everyone who is in warm weather right now.

meena said...

Aspi, that disclaimer was unnecessary. nobody who's read your captions can doubt your powers of effortless imagination.

girlie girl, as fellow sufferer what do you suggest? this is way beyond a cup of hot tea. maybe I will go home and watch a desert movie where people are dying of heat stroke.

Aspi said...

For some reason "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" always makes me feel hot and thirsty.

Mind Rush said...

Incognito, I feel your pain, but even your trauma is ever so entertaining. I will be back with a more thoughtful response to the privacy dilemma.

Aspi, gotta love Parsi moms! Your story about the ex's cards disappearing is so mindblowing, yet believable.

headmistress said...

god, I've been away too long! Glad to see this site is as fab as ever, and to let you know that I'm tagging you with the you make my day blog award. For the other Drifters as much as for Aspi!

Aspi said...

Welcome back headmistress - I was wondering where you were. Thanks for the blog award!

Bella said...

hehehehe
envy me in lovely lovely hot south africa :) I've never experienced a -temperature during the day, at night, maybe a few times a year.

well its not so great when we have power cuts coz then you end up in sweltering heat with no aircon or even a fan!

sometimes this country is soooo messed up.

sidekick said...

headmistress, thanks for introducing us to a new set of blogs --- some look really interesting!

girlie girl said...

Meena...first it was the cold, now we're getting a ton of snow! IT NEVER ENDS!!

anu g said...

Headmistress,since u mentioned the regular drifters as well, Thanks so much!

anu g said...

Incognito, why the rechristening?

anu g said...

I havent been watching Shava Shava, but I am told Sumeet Raghavan won!hA!Finally someone who really deserved to win won!Of course he was lucky, he was the only one who could sing well. Since Sarabhai vs Sarabhai is a great favourite for our family-viewing, my kids r thirlled that 'Sahil' has won!

Saritha said...

wow anu,that's the shortest reality show ever.Didn't NDTV Imagine start just a week or 10 days ago.How could they wind up the show so soon?

Reg,Sarabhai Vs Sarabhai,I saw the re-run on the net and I've to say it was hilarious.Ratna Pathak Shah is such a hoot.

headmistress said...

no probs - it wouldn't be the same without the commentators!

anu g said...

Yes, saritha. Shave Shave got over in 11 days flat...one elimination everyday with a wild card entry also coming in. I dont know how it worked. i think it was a short trial to get people to know about this new channel ndtv imagine.The contestants were tv stars, and were really pathetic. I think its always easy to get a non-dancer to dance , eg cyrus,negi,indraneil..atleastu could laugh at them. But hearing a non-singer sing,esp when people who watch this prog also see lilchamps and voi etc,is simply terrible.U cant even laugh, just feel like closing ur ears. but I must admire their guts, coming on national tv, and singing as if they r a pro, requires great guts. So that must be appreciated!