Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Weight under fire

P(lump) C(hick) said...

Mind Rushji

I've heard so much about your sage and discrete advice from my colleagues in Bollywood. They're especially impressed by your ability to keep their identities anonymous in your columns!

I'm a hot and happening 20 something beauty queen turned actress. Despite my career going great guns, I seem to be under "heavy" fire from all fronts. The director of my new movie tells me that at 54 Kg I am too large for my fashionable role. The brief is to lose 8 Kgs in 6 weeks – the body that I've been torturing groans in protest "fat chance"!

I'm also the target of constant sniping from a rival actor who goes on a friend's popular chat show and disses me. She is the one that the industry, the critics and the public seem to adore "jab they met" her recently. She says it's all too easy to look pretty in a big hit movie with a superstar hero. I'm sure she's taking aim at me. Can I help it if I am pretty and the big heroes like SRK, Hrithik, Akshay and Salman work with me?

To add to my weighty woes is the fact that the path to true love is so twisted. My current aashiq --- H(ero) B(anega) ---is one of the many new kids on the block. His debut movie in which I star too is still under production and with the competition today what if it (and he) is a dud? He's young, hip and handsome and right now we both work together and work out together. However if our movie fails I can't handle an insecure struggling actor and the whines that are sure to follow.

I'll be aapki aabhari P(lump) C(hick) if you can help me with my bhaari problems.

Dear P.C.,

Do re-think your pseudonym. Your name should reflect high self-esteem. The rest will follow! How about calling yourself Positively Charismatic? Or something else along those lines....

Your weight does not define who you are. Inner beauty is Pure Charm! Ignore those idiots who want you to lose weight, unless the movie character requires it. Then too, do it under medical supervision. Mind Rush is mindful of many crazy eating disorders that overtake actresses in this zaalim industry.

Hire a good publicist. Get on these chai-coffee shows and dazzle the audience with your Pucca Convictions re: high morals, healthy body weight, being sweet to all, etc. You will attract good karma. Doosri actress ki khalaas....

Now the ishq ka question...If you like HB, go dancing, dining,driving with him. When the media or the coffee-chai guy ask about HB, say "We're just friends!" Deny, deny. This will benefit your career, keep the public tantalized and also keep the door ajar for other TDH prospects to come along....

Win, win!

Mind Rush

Also:

31 comments:

Aspi said...

Because PC acted in Daan, she is on my list of all-time great Bollywood actors. Kya PC ne dance kiya woh movie mein!

megan said...

i think she was asked to lose weight because she plays an anorexic in the movie so this is like her take at method "acting'

i don't rate her much as an actress so i suppose if you can't emote well then at least look the part

Kangana is in the movie as well, she is so gonna OWN Priyanka in acting.

skd said...

i hate dat bhandarkar!wtf was he thinkin askin her to lose weight!im so against today's fashion trends where dey want chicks to be like malnourished kids in somalia!

girlie girl said...

LOL Mind Rush!! Your Love Chakker is quite popular in the film-y industry. Now, we just need to take it to Hollywood...let's face it, we have ton more messed up/knocked up/drugged up people in the west! :D

Poor PC, she's an ok actress with great looks, but being in a movie with someone like Kangana, who is just as pretty if not more and a much better actress, she is goign to have to work twice as hard to get some notice on screen!! Good luck PC!

Aspi said...

I haven't seen Kangana but I've been noticing Ayesha Takia isn't a bad actress.

You can always tell by the amount of face time a director will give an actress in a difficult scene without helping her out with edits.

ritha said...

Kangana's handicap is her drunk voice. Ayesha's handicap is her monotonous dialogue delivery...can't really think of a popular actor who has it all.

headmistress said...

Priyanka might be being asked to lose weight for a very specific reason here ie. the anorexic role, but I really hate the general bitchy attitude towards filmy women - outcries of "overweiiiiight!!!" for very slim women is really nuts and does no one any good, damn it. The way her palaver has been reported for this role acts as if PC is some doughnut-scoffing fatty, rather than the actual situation.

and the irony of the situation with regards to the role all this outcry is for just leaves me lost for words.

and ayesha takia is pretty damn wicked. Although I've only seen her in No smoking, but that is pretty good in itself.

m said...

ayesha needs to go on a diet though you have to admit, her boobs are huge but they're not silicons just baby fat, too much of them

I can't stand her bubbliness, its too loud.. She's cute though

priyanka is a butterface, i don't like her face..her nose is so weird despite several rhinoplastry and her gigantic mutant lips.. when she smiled the top of her upperlip touches the nose, not attractive.. if i was a guy i would say cover the face eff the base heheheh

inside info - she talks in ghetto accent in real life and thinks she is some black sista from da block

Aspi said...

I wish I had had that hilarious piece of info before - the caption could have been much better.

girlie girl said...

lol!! I can only imagine, Aspi!! :D THanks for that info M

Mind Rush said...

Meg, u are going to have to be my consultant on this whole Bollywood gossip thing....
How on earth could someone in Mumbai talk Ebonics and expect to be taken seriously??

P.C.'s accent would be flab-err-gasting!!

m said...

well i know a LOT about PC through some people i can't disclose

she lived in US for a bit and even dated some black dude when she was here. She's into rap music and bling and all those ghetto things. Her male counterpart in B/W - Abhisekh. He has an identity crisis as well

Anonymous said...

weird shit!some ppl like PC N AB need to get a life..ehehe....but i like ayesha's figure!so wht if her boobs r... err..big?shes got a nice curvy figure which i feel many guys must be finding sexy!
...
SkD

Aspi said...

And here I thought Abhishek was just trying to connect with the identity crisis demographic :)

SkD every now and then I'll get some forward from someone that compares Ayesha's rack to someone else's. And why is that? I don't know: but there is a post there somewhere I'll have to do someday.

ritha said...

Meg, just like MR's "love chakkar" u shud do your own bolly-bytes kinda thing here. That wud be sooo much fun for us gossip hungry souls!

imrana said...

to
Vishal & shekhar
HAPPY VALENTINEDAY

Mind Rush said...

Imrana, That's too cute!

We should write our own Valentine's Day messages here for our favorite celebrities!

Here's mine, dedicated to Him-mess Besharmiya:

Roses are red,
I love Himesh,
But there's a huge gulf,
'Cause he's in love with himself.

megan said...

okay sounds like a plan lemme

Dear Hrithik,
Roses are red
do me
on my bed

Dear christian bale,
Violets are blue
i'll get banned from aspisdrift
if i tell everyone
all the things i wanna
do to you

dear neil/jensen/wentworth/orlando
tulips are cute
pls make an appointment
with my secretary
for a good time
k thanx

Aspi said...

Dear Eva Mendez
You always look splendid
I love the fact that you are
Such an uncompromising latina

My first love Tina Munim
I know you've since lost steam
You still are lovely for sure
Thats what old pictures are for

anu g said...

Dont choose Aditya for a date,he is a tease,
Just when u get all romantic,
He'd run away saying 'Tiiiime Please'!

Saritha said...

you guys are really funny,ha ha...

Mind Rush said...

LOL!!! You guys are waaaay to funny.

Anonymous said...

Megan should do a writeup on Swoolen Lips , Twisted Nose - Bareli To Boston Girl !

Bella said...

Brilliant!!!

Anu_g... i gift u the first prize for best poem :)

Anonymous said...

"ayesha needs to go on a diet though you have to admit, her boobs are huge but they're not silicons just baby fat, too much of them"

Megan, I'm not Ayesha Takia but I've tried everything and there just isn't an exercise that makes your boobs work....you'll find plenty that'll make your chest muscles work and get tighter but the boobs themselves remain as they are. If you know of anything that works pls let me know. Thanks!

Dolly (for now)

Anonymous said...

Surgery Baby Surgery !!!

anu g said...

Bella, thanks so much :b. You are being so kind.....I valiantly typed out the words, but when I saw it on screen, I decided that I will create a record for the shortest career of a poet!

Anonymous said...

d

Anonymous said...

Priyanka chopra had a nose job after miss world. FACT.

Kanan said...

Hilarious writeup, MR! Yeh dil maange more...

Those poems were funny too, you guys, keep up the good work.

"...when she smiled the top of her upperlip touches the nose..." ROFLMAO!

This is too much entertainment.. this thread and the comments.. *enjoying*

Kanan said...

whoa I just realized this post is like six months old... looks like we are sitting on maha-treasure here. I gotta go check out the archives. I have missed out on too much....