Thursday, May 29, 2008

Stuff Indian People Like

Mind Rush pays homage to Christian Lander's Stuff White People Like with a desi version.

Being born and raised in India gives me some right to create this list.

1. Deals
Buy one get one free? Yes!! A 20 percent off coupon? Great! Mail in rebate? Right now! Where there’s a deal, there’s a desi…er, make that a line of desis. Frugal is a birthright, a religion in some Indian circles.

2. “Culture”
We love to talk on and on about Indian culture. Trouble is that our definitions vary. Some ABD folks think Indian culture is hip-hop-bhangra. Other 40 somethings fancy it to be Bollywood films. A third kind of auntyji-types think Indian culture is pooja and fasting. To each her or his own. Indian culture (if there were such a thing) can tolerate multiple perceptions and pluralism.

3. The Double Standard
We ogle and ape Western culture. We covet the Queen’s English. We lust after “fast girls.” But we marry the virgin. Then we talk about Culture (#2).

4. Cricket
Whether it’s a five day test or Twenty20. Pakistan vs. India or IPL. It’s everywhere. No further evidence needed.

5. Political Discussions
All Indians have a political opinion or a hundred. As we should. I am always impressed by how readily desis will jump head first into discussing “politically incorrect” topics at work, at the gas station or hair salon. We don’t notice (or care) if the other guy seems incensed or freaked out. We gotta air our political thoughts.

6. The Chai Break
That’s chai with sugar and lots and lots of milk. With spices added for that extra kick. (South Indians, i.e. people living south of Uttar Pradesh - please substitute the word kaapi for chai) Indians love their wake up-chai! Arrive at work-chai! A 2 minute meeting with a colleague-chai! Then chai break. Then post lunch chai. Feeling drowsy-chai! Tiffin-time-chai! Neighbor drops by-chai! Dinner is late-chai!

7. Films
From the dancing Hrithik to the even more dancing Junior NTR, Indians love their films and stars. Be it a rousing Rang De Basanti or the pot-boiler masaala of Om Shanti Om, the multiplexes from Kolkata to Chicago are full of desis lining up to see the “first day first show.”

8. Spicy Hot-Hot Khaana
If you are of Indian born you’d better have a darn good reason to turn down mirch-masaala. I am amazed how even desi kids (no, make that infants, actually) can slurp up rasam along with their Gerber cereal. No one but a desi appreciates the masochistic pleasures of ingesting a meal that induces tears and sweat.

9. Tiffin
Whether you love namkeen or mithai we can accommodate you. Tiffin time can be at 4 PM or 7 PM. It’s a nice break from working on that deadline. Or a “small” intake of energy before your daily trip to the gym. And, don’t forget #6.

10. Gup-shup
Every desi I know will stop anything for a nice two minute chat. Gup-shup might be conducted over a cup of #6, while discussing #2, 3, 4, 5 or 7. It could be done while sharing some home made #8 or #9. But the best of the best type of gup-shup is when a fellow Indian tells us of a fantastic #1.

11. “Motion”
That’s euphemism for the movement of excrement out of our intestines. Indians are fascinated by the subtleties of bowel movements. We will tell our doctor, neighbor, sabziwalla and our boss whether and when we went potty today and if our business came out OK. All ailments begin and end with “motion”. Lots of #10 time is dedicated to this topic, especially by desi uncles and aunties of a certain age. Many “motion” problems can be solved by a good cup of #6.

12. Shaadis
Indian weddings are beautiful. They are the epitome of Indian culture (#2) and you get to eat wonderful spicy hot-hot khaana (#8). And reels of films (#7) have been made on Indian weddings. But careful! Too much wedding food will lead to problems with #11.

13. Jaan Pehchan
Where there is a problem to be solved, Indians search fervently for contacts. Even when the task can be done by dropping an email to a generic customer service address, true desis will try to find a contact through whom to route their demands.

14. Arrival and Departure Throngs
Airports, train stations and even bus depots are choking with Indians who go en masse to receive a relative or to see off a friend. This would be very touching except for the fact that the entourage outnumbers the travelers 5-to-1. Many traffic jams could be eliminated if a good-bye zone were established five miles away from the drop off area.

15. Family Background
As in: “The girl has a good family background.” It does not matter if it’s a business deal or a marriage proposal, Indians have to verify the goodness of the family. Normally this requirement is satisfied if an uncle or a grandfather was a retired District Magistrate.

16. Free Advice
From the best cure for foot fungus to whom you should marry - Indians love to hand out advice. The ammaji who sits next to you on the train will tell you exactly what to do. It’s free and it’s often unwanted. But it will come at you fast and furious. Incidentally, this Indian activity is the cross-generational version of gup-shup (#10).

To be continued...

Also:

125 comments:

SkD said...

hahaha...how very true!!!! be it north or south...we indians have to have these as our staple 'diet'!
btw, mindrush, u forgot the biskuts with the chai!

Parveen Sibal said...

Mind Blowing writeup !

Joules said...

Here is another one - and is my pet peeve about desi parents specially living abroad. They will not hire a baby sitter. Not everyone wants to see your kids all the time.

girlie girl said...

Excellent, Fantastic, Mind Blowing write up! (sorry, it's been a while since anyone brought up Himanshu so I got carried away!) Just last week, I was reading the RedEye (chicagoan newspaper) and they mentioned something about stuffwhitepeoplelike.com and I thought this would be a great idea if converted to Indian people. You read my mind Mind Rush!! You are right on the mark with all the points. What about adding nicknames. All desi people like nicknames (as Aspi's covered before!) no matter how old the person gets.

Never Mind!! said...

Great list, but you did not write about birds and bees.About how all of us Desis are born out of immaculate conception. Oh wait,you said to be continued. Will wait for more to come.

Aspi said...

Mind Rush, hilarious.

There is a post here to be had about how desi people love to tell everyone about how busy they are. "I'm busy with meetings" or "I'm busy running my kid into the ground going from activity to activity" or "I'm so busy everyone is coming to my house".

Sheesh! For once I want to run into a desi who says "I just sat in my hammock and lazed around all day"

Aspi said...

And yet another one: desi men sit around in a room with Black Label and call it "partying". Can't we just call it "hanging out" - which I like just as much as "partying".

Joules said...

Actually even funnier is my sister will call it party even when it is three people (she, her husband and one friend) hanging out.

Beth said...

So educational!

I've never ventured over to Stuff White People Like. I'm afraid.

Aspi said...

Beth, you'll like it because it comes from a place of fondness (I think). So its funny without being something that could offend much.

Kamal R said...

Aspi there should be a whole section on food/eating on "Stuff Indian People Like".
It doesn't take long in any conversation to bring the subject of food up, be in a receipe or a new variation of making food.

Pitu said...

Awesome post Mind Rush! haahaahaa!! :-D

Pitu said...

I would post my thoughts or elucidate further except I am on my before-lunch and before-errands after-morning tea 'chai break'. So ya, no typing for me while I dunk some vegan cookies :-p

Pitu said...

Aspi- then you shd call me up whenever you are sick of busy desis. Ajit and I are bonafide bums who cheerfully inform one and all that we are 'lazing at the beach with Hunny' even if said person is juggling things like a multi-armed asura.

Kanan said...

LMAO @ "jaaher shauchaalay"

Aspi, where do you find these from? I am yet to read the whole post but I had to get this laughter out... *pet ma dukhyu hasi hasi ne*

I wish you posted the picture of the actual building as well though ;) :P

meena said...

Mind Rush you made my day!
ha ha..loved the observations on "culture"- the most abused of all desi-used words.

here's another lesser one
-never give a proper RSVP (why is this?).

also, add to 'political discussions' the desi habit of unembarassed inquiry. How many times has a desi uncle asked you how much you make?

skd- in our house Parle-G is a food group.

Mind Rush, You should do another post on the top ten neuroses of desi people!Rich material here...

Kanan said...

#4: I was visiting the elephanta caves (Mumbai) in early March and there were visitors playing cricket at one of the caves' entrance! :D

#6: Hey Mind Rush, you should talk about Brits and chai. I think they're more crazy than us. I knew one guy who drank 24 cups (not the Indian standard size, but the extra large mug kinds) a day. I spent some 4 days with him and that drove the chai lover in me crazy.

#10: hehahahaha *wicked laughter* loved it! ;)

#13: is the rule to live by, for everyone. Seriously! I remember my grandpa used to say "oLkhaaN to moTi khaaN chhe" meaning "knowing more people is like a huge mine" and always comes in handy. And he always said that you'd never know when even the mud on the roads will come of help. I gotta write these down.

#15: sheesh! LOL *no comments*

Mind Rush, if you want tips for the next set of SIPL, please let me know I have lots of #15. ;)

HAHAHAHA! I am going to laugh all day today just thinking about this list and more...

Cinderella said...

Mindrush,i enjoyed every word of it:-)
Mindblowing:P

i love the stuff about chai..my fav!i know a friend wo can digest about 30 cups of chai during exams:)

Gup shup mein tho we can create records!!

and abt parents,sometimes it feels like,for them, nothing else matters more than their child's rank in class!!

Joules said...

Mindrush, I echo the compliments that has been said by others. This is howlarious!

You did'nt mention anything about Antakshri. Seems like that is my families fav. past time and its sad people still sing the same sequence of songs that we use to sing in the fifth grade - "Main Shayar to nahi", "na-na meri beri ke ber", "Geet gata hoon main"

Pitu said...

OMG Joules, I totally agree. It is SO irritating to play Antakshari with people who insist on singing some lame old song like 'na na karte pyar tumhi se kar baithe'. Come on, it's 2008 people!!!! ugh I just had to get that off my chest :-p

Joules said...

Here is another one: Lots of comments on color, weight and height and the comments are never complimentary. "Arre kali ho ke aagayi (Your complexion is darker)", "Austin mein kuch khane pine to nahi milta kya (Dont you get anything to eat or drink in Austin)".

Cinderella said...

and most of them are always in a hurry to get their kids married!

Cinderella said...

Joules,LOL,i know! everytime i'm back form hostel my parents start off,'you've gone down,you've become dark.you look pale...and on and on and on..'!! and i'm sure to put on weight again before i get back:P

Pitu said...

I have this habit of rushing through the ground floor of my building in Bombay lest Narula aunty open the door to chat. Her favorite question? "Beta, abhi tak you have no issue?" ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Aspi said...

Kanan, that picture is taken near the Narmada dam. And you see a bit of my older son Motorsandal - who spent quite a bit of time grappling with the concept of a "public" toilet.

I'm with Joules on that last one. After I'm all excited to see my mom and make a long journey to see her, first words out of her mouth: "Kem Aspi, you've put on weight" or "You've lost more hair". Then, big hug.

Cinderella said...

LOL about the public toilet.i still find it outrageously funny though i was born and brought up here.btw do thyey bargain abroad???i'm sure they don't.but they can't get rid of their bargaining as long as thye are here!!!duh!it irritates me!hameshaa har shop mein ek hi baat,'dene ka daam bolo bhaiyaa'!!!

SkD said...

...LOL...also i've had ppl asking my dad how much he earns in "gelf"..as if we bludy own an oil well...n not to mention how many 'tolas' of gold does mommy have...sic!
then we have some 'friendly' neighborhood elderly couple dog walking, who keep yakking [and show off as if they belong to a different league] about how their sons have settled with 'goris' in the States....

SkD said...

...AND 'surprisingly' those goris r like sooooooooooooooooo out of this world that Tulsi Virani and the Bahu gang would get a complex!..["U KNO LIZA ACTUALLY COOKED DAL..!!!CAN U BELIVE IT??DAL??OMG!IT WAS THE MOST WONDERFUL DAL I EVER TASTED!"]

Mind Rush said...

Thanks, all. This was one my favorite posts and even I laughed as I typed it up.

Pitu said...

LOL SkD!!! Really? OMG the dal sounds absolutely wonderfullllll! And I bet it was sooper dooper nutritious too and had lots of asli Hindustani flavor lol

Aspi said...

That's double whammy. Because you know they are crushingly disappointed that their kid didn't marry an Indian girl (which is quite unfair to all parties involved) and they are trying to make up for it by saying things like: "heck, at least she wasn't black" or "she wore a salwaar once and looked like an angel" or "she ate so many of my chapaatis!" or "isn't it cute how she calls me momeejee"

girlie girl said...

LMAO! THese posts are too good! It looks really unappropriate at work when, instead of working, i'm cracking up reading everyone's comments!

I agree with Kanan though...the "jaaher shauchaalay" was the best! I remember, when i was younger, people used to use such ridiculous words to say bathroom...i.e. Sandaas!! I CANT stand that word! It just sounds disgusting! LOL!!

joules...the antakshari thing totally hit home...the worst is when they incorporate the ENTIRE antakshari from Maine Pyaar Kiya into the actual antakshari!! That drove me crazy...

girlie girl said...

btw mind rush...you have 2 #13's

just an fyi...

Anonymous said...

Indian people always love to bring there own food to work many a times 2-3-4 boxes with roti-sabzi, curd rice, achaar, even salad, you name it they have it in their tupperware boxes.

Indians loves ask about the marital status, which is usally followed by bombardment of questions, if you are eligible but single.

Bollywood boy said...

HAHAHA--LOL!

Lin said...

Love this. Can't wait for the next one.

About culture.

Most people won't understand this. But on the chance that there is another Malayalee a video that never fails to amuse me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2v4nPbc3os

Joules said...

Funny story, I have a four year old niece who went to a b'day party. They made puri-sabzi for dinner. When she came back home, we asked her how was dinner and she said that was'nt dinner because they did'nt have any achar, pappad, raita or salad.

Aspi said...

Man, I wish they had subtitles! It looks to be funny.

Anonymous said...

I get jealous looking at desis guys eating "Biwi ke haath ka Khana" while I am eating my useless 5$ subway footlong.

m said...

BIWI KE HAATH KA KHANA? WTF how about husband ka haath ka khana eh?

I won't be doing any of that sh*t no way!

m said...

haha you forgot how the new immigrants always brag about the size of their house back home and the number of servants they have. Also, their kids act more western than we do.

UFFFF we had some family over for dinner last week. They are from my dad's pind and the lady kept bragging about how she finds it soooooooo hard to adjust in 3 bedroom home here..and how they problems doing housework blah blah blah blah

the kids were so loud and annoying, i just wanted to slap them!

Aspi said...

m, I always find your comments entertaining. Indian kids are definitely loud.

Why just the other day some desi kids were running around in a circle in the library and creating a racket. The librarian called out to their oblivious parents. The parents turned around and gave this huge smile to the librarian like "aren't they cute?"

Pitu said...

:-P

Mind Rush said...

Pitu, Given what M and Aspi just said, I can see your "issues."

Gayatri said...

Awesome. Superb. LOL. You have written so nicely. Your blog seems pretty interesting and I spent around 15 mins already..

I agree completely when you say that everyone just says 'I'm busy' me too not met anyone who says I just lazed around doing nothing!! :)

megan said...

haha aspi..OMG you are so right

srsly two or more indian kids at a social gathering is a big disaster waiting to happen!

The moms gather to one side and start gossiping about inane bullsh*t and the dads on other side talking about politics and share market and what have you!

and the kids go BIZERK! and parents don't even control their kids..i think they think "oh well its not our house let them do whatever they feel like" or WHAT?

while growing up whenever me and my brother went anywhere we had to be in our best behavior and also look after our little sister.. we weren't allowed to jump around like little monkeys UGH

last year one of the kids broke my $300 sunglasses.. i had it resting on a table and they were jumping around throwing a football all over the place and knocked it off.. the parents didn't even offer to buy me a new one..

m said...

haha oh when you happen to just even glance at a dude, they act like you have a crush on them EWWWW

srsly they're not even my type..i don't date desi boys..

Over Rated said...

@megan
i so feel your pain .. I don't know why people don't teach their children nowadays ... i say this with no remorse at all .. but my pet dogs are more trained then some kids nowadays .... there i said it ....

@mind rush

great post .... i'm sure ur book deal isn't far away ... :P ...

Mind Rush said...

Publishers, where art thou?
Alas, no Book Deal yet!
But I'll settle for a Booker.

Joules said...

Here is another one, desis insisting on making you take shoes off before you enter their carpeted homes.

No shoes usually freaks me out. I am a little germaphobic when it comes to feet.

Also if it is a large party I dont want my lanvin's burried under some guys dirty sneakers.

Tania said...

Mind Rush,
That was mind blowingly awesome.
In the bong crowd we have here, there is another quirk about doing some gaan baazna(read singing and music) at the end of the party, be it at one am in the night.And then there are really annoying kids who have come to my house and broken one of my expensive picture frames.And then there's a couple who are too busy socilaizing that sometimes they even forget their kid is still in the car seat in the car.And then the whole culture BS.I was told that kids cannot dance to Hindi or English numbers coz its not a part of Bong culture.I felt like giving them a whack!

Sania said...

Awesome post Mindrush! I love it!

I'm obvioulsly popping in after a hiatus (did anyone miss me?) - but I do have this to add:

#n - Indian people love doctors. They all want their children to go to medical school and become doctors. Barring that, they want their daughters to marry doctors. I'm fairly certain this is one area in which the double standard does not apply, and they want their sons to marry doctors too.

In addition to being a doctor, or making a doctor a part of your bloodline.. Indians love going to doctors. Tickle in your throat? Let's call Doctor Sahib. Stub your toe? Must call the cardiologist right away! Indians love talking about their "sugar" - aka diabetes, BP, and klesteraal. Entire gatherings have been known to center around conversations about these ailments.

Aspi said...

gayatri, welcome!

Joules, I'm one of those "remove your shoes" - probably because I'm just super lazy and don't want to clean every time I have company. Although I should say I walk around barefoot everywhere - even in my workplace sometimes.

But for a while we had some funky japanese slippers for people who wanted to remove their shoes and walk around in them. Now that was hilarious when I think about it.

Aspi said...

Sania, welcome back! I missed you even before I knew you (in homage to one of my favorite lines from Madagascar). I can't find it on YouTube but it happens on an abandoned plane.

Nice new blog, BTW. Haven't seen anything like it before in terms of subject matter.

In any case these kiddie descriptions reminds me of one of your lines from the Aaja Nachle review you did for us: jaanwar bacche.

Sania said...

haha thanks Aspi! I should be back more often now - work has slowed down a bit, and no more apps, thank God!

As far as the blog goes, it's mostly just a way for me and my college roommates to share our recommendations for random (and mostly girly) stuff with each other! I might have to link to this post. ;-)

And yes, desi kids do seem to be especially jaanwar-like, as I said.. but my dislike of badly behaved children knows no lines of race, color, or culture!

Aspi said...

Sania, I think you are on to something with your blog. You could be highheelconfidential for cosmetics/girly stuff.

If you can keep it up (always a challenge) and need any help with artwork, let me know :)

girlie girl said...

speaking of janwar-like children, one of my friend's son slapped his grandmom last week, (he's 2) and she told him he can't have any chocolate and he let her have it. But all she did was say "Kevin, we dont do that!" Shit if i were her, i would've slapped him back (not hard, but just to teach his ass a lesson). Since I grew up in India, I'm used to abuse like that, shit in India, people you dont know slap you when you're a kid. I remember people used to tapli-marvanu my brother all the time cause he broke their window playign cricket or took air out of their tires and whatnot. Yeah, he was a brat!

not to mention the ass kicking we used to get in schools...

Aspi said...

My teacher used to hit us with the blackboard duster on our heads. That hurt!

But the funniest one in our school used to be the Gujarati teacher who would khano chutlis (which means pinch in gujju).

Mind Rush said...

One of my evil teachers would make kids stand in the trash can.
(And it was a so-called "posh" school in India.)

Pitu said...

I totally knew how to play my dad when I was a kid. I'd get him to sign all my usual 'bad behavior chits' and notes and unit test thingies and when my mom got wind of it, he's say "Jau de ga, lahaan ahe ti!" Let it go, she's just a kid :-)

My mom, if you gave her a book by Dr Spock, she's spank my bum with it :-p hehe.

And there was this usual back and forth they did. She'd give me a slap for punching my friend Rahul on the nose for the nth time (but he broke my toy truck! he did!) and dad would be like "Aplya mulanna koni marta ka?" Does anyone hit their own child? And my mom would retort "Mag kay, dusryancha mulanna maru?" What, then? Should I go hit someone else's kid?

It got to the point where I'd mime her response while she was saying it and LOOK OUT! Volcano explosion!!

hehehehehe ya I was shameless :-p And my kittens were equally horrid. I trained them to deposit dead lizards (which they had killed) on the swimming pool and in my dad's driveway :-) Also, the kittens were heavily encouraged to attack Sathe aunty who was terrified of cats.

Mind Rush: I am terrified of kids precisely because I was a HORRIBLE spoilt brat and my mom used to tell me I'd know what it was like once I had my own. Aieee damn karma. Why can't I have nice, docile kids like Rahul who let other people's banshees beat em up?

Kanan said...

Pitu, your adventures reminded me of my childhood. Let’s just say the less I speak of it the better. I wouldn’t want to be a role model. :D

Another thing we Indians do is bring food to where ever we go. If the theater says you can’t bring food from outside and must buy our 3x more expensive food, we will trick them. And then of course be it work or any family outings or long travels or just an outing at a nearby park, we bring our own food. I know I do. ;) HAHAHA! I think it could be more of a Gujarati thing than an Indian thing in general. Not sure though. I remember back in India it was thepla and suki-bhaji were like hot favorites. Regardless of what place we are heading to, these two were a must. Now they’ve changed to things like cheetos, chips-salsa and what not. Hey! Any of that #1 would help, right?! If not much it could help a little with #6, eh.

Of course, I am totally against the idea of bringing garlicy, oniony, smelly, might-make-some-goras-faint food to work that might make the coworkers be thankful they aren’t Indians. I stick to the safe, aroma-free foods for the non-Indian company/at work, unless of course they’re fan of it too! ;)

Aspi said...

I totally sneak snacks into theaters - mostly chocolates. And I do it by way of protest against those terrible candies they have in there.

Its the closest I've come to grass roots activism.

Cinderella said...

after reading about all your pranks and their punishments i feel like a good girl:-P

Pitu said...

Heck, I bet even your pets were better than my 'jaanwar jaanwars' ;-)

m said...

oh yes Hindi movies at the theater. That is quite an experience. I only go to the movies like twice a year to watch a Bollywood movie. Only ones starring Ash or Hrithik or both (multiple times). Those ones had decent audience most the time. Also punjabi movies have decent audience.

BUT THEN I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE OF GOING TO WATCH OM SHANTI OM! OMG!

FOB ATTACK!

Kids were crying and parents wouldn't even try to quiet them. My mom lost her patience and she says to me "gosh some people need to learn the concept of babysitters" loud so they could hear..

and samosas and whistles and their annoying oooohs and aaahs!

I am never gonna watch a shahrukh khan movie everrr again (at least at the movies)

Pitu said...

I whistled and cat-called during Don :-D when SRK made his entry.

leera said...

Brilliant Mindrush. The post and subsequent comments read like data from cross cultural research, the fun kind :)

I have wonderful parents but I have never told them anything that might potentially upset them, ever. It was ok to discuss Chekov with mom but not boys. Being a total daddy's girl I could never go there with him either.
College came I found my gora partner and married him, I have loved him more with every passing year but it eats me up to tell my parents.(We have been married for 4 years!)

Drifters, any advice? any mixed couples out there, with 'vishesh tippani'

Aspi said...

I clapped really hard when Shatrughan Sinha's name came on at the beginning of Jodhaa Akbar. Just to be different and all.

leera, let me get this straight. You're married, but haven't told your parents? Or you love your husband more each year and haven't told your parents? I'm guessing its the latter.

I'm staying out of this one. Only Mind Rush can help you with that. All I'll say is good for you for finding someone and having the courage to go with your choice.

Mind Rush said...

Leera, Seriously, can you clarify your comment...You did not tell your parents you're married for four years? You need advice in a "Rush." And this ain't no quick therapy. Please buy the season pass. Mind Rush to the rescue....

leera said...

Hai hai now I have embarrassed myself. Yes I haven't told my parents
about 4 years of married existence.

I was a little stressed and craved desi feedback.

Sorry Aspi, TMI huh!

Mind Rush said...

Leera, I can only imagine how agonizing this situation must be for you. The thing is, it's not going to be getting easier with the passgage of time. As a fellow drifer I urge you to deal with this now. It will be better for you, your hubby and also better for your family. I knew of another situation like this in the past where the girl's family found out about her secret marraige via a third party. You can guess what transpired. Feel free to write to me at mindrush121@gmail.com to discuss this. I can direct you to some resources.

leera said...

Thanks dude.

Cinderella said...

for me,it's been the other way round...heheh.funny!
but it hurts soo much more to forgive.i wish i could do that more easily,despite everything:)

m said...

OMG you're married for 4 years and never told your parents? do they even live in the same city? I would say you need to tell them. They may get upset but they have a right to know rly.

My grandfather told my mom's high school bf (white) that he had a loaded gun in the house and if he ever went anywhere near my mom he'd shoot him.. he was serious..

gosh desis can be so racist...

SkD said...

RACISM! man..some chick [who is dark]had a crush on my brother[ who is dark too]...n my dad made sucha fuss abut her tryin to "trap "my pooor inncoent "fair" brother!yuck!!how i hated seeing that "ladkey wale" racist side of my dad!!ugh!

Aspi said...

leera, no apology necessary. Hope it goes well.

Lin said...

Leera, good luck.

Actually, I realized when I was eighteen or nineteen that if I ever get married, it could never be with my parents approval--thus probably in secret or something.

It has nothing to do with non-Indians. (Though I am attracted to all kinds of guys.) I do want to marry an Indian guy. But I don't share my family's strict religious beliefs. They can never accept me marrying outside that--and I can never marry someone who totally shares their beliefs.

I know how hard it is and why you feel as though you cannot tell them. It isn't because you are worried about yourself. No, it is because you do not want to hurt them. In my case, because it is religion, it is a whole different ballgame. Because it is much harder for really religious people to accept religious outsiders (that do not convert) than cultural people to accept someone from another culture into the family, imo.

That doesn't negate your difficulties though. I am not giving any advice. Just saying that I can sympathize and understand why you would keep it a secret from your parents.

But speaking of shoes in the house.

It's not just Desis, actually. (And I admit, I am damn proud that we take off our shoes in the house.) I've had to do the same when I've gone to other Asians' houses back in High School. Muslims--black, Arab, etc etc. And also some Eastern European guy was doing electricity work in our house and he was like, "our people are the same... We too take off shoes.")

Aspi, you may like this article.
http://nymag.com/health/features/46213/

If I had my own office, I would totally kick off my shoes as well.

SkD said...

Lin, I totally agree with u...but u know ..atleast ur folks r predictable..u know wht they want and what they dont....i on the other hand have been left confused in the past with their reactions to all my bfs...they never approved of anyone..citing real shitty reasons...i ended up losing the relationships because i was a 'gud' gal n lissened to my folks...but now all that roller coaster ride of relationhsips has turned me into one ruthless motherfucker!i dont trust any guy and all i can think of is how soon can i use him n move on.......heck i am even considering extramarital afairs.......i hate being this way..and my folks dont even think of getting me married off...weird crap! i guess Mindrush can move in now............

leera said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leera said...

Thanks Lin. I agree religion is far more mucky-muck bridge to cross. I hope that goes well for you.

Ironically his uber baptist parents had no problem, though he is non-religious to the point of agnostic.

M, my parents don't live here. In fact they have been traveling in South east Asia for work and have recently returned to Surat where I grew up, hence the ease of deception.

SKD don't give up on men yet.

MindRush you will have fulltime love chakkar advice to give in an in-drift column very soon!

Aspi said...

Lin, thanks for the link. Normally I'm suspicious of studies - unless of course I agree with them. A while ago my mum was in town and said "Motorsandal is flat footed. You must have him in shoes all the time".

So from then on - its either barefoot or the best shoes I can afford to buy for him.

Our kids' shoes so far have cost more than my entire school education.

Aspi said...

leera, I'm sure you've gone through multiple scenarios of how your parents would react. What's the worst case?

Parveen Sibal said...

June 2008 Launch of 8 Papu's in Bollywood.

Your expert comments Aspi on the potential of the new faces to be launched in June
Imran Khan - Jeena Teri..
Sikander Kher - Woodstock Villa
Mashhoor Amrohi -
Harman Baweja
Shaad Randhawa - Dhoom Dharaka
Adityan Suman - s/d Shekher Suman
Rishi Trehan - Khoobsoorat.
Mimoh C.

Sikander Khen appears to be most promising . I am expecting a comment from Megan on Harman Baweja !

Pitu said...

Sikander Kher *yawn* I hope he can act coz he ain't no looker...

My money's on Gareebon ka Hrithik :-D

Of course the next hope of Hindi cinema is Mimoh. He is the next SRK!!

Parveen Sibal said...

Mimoh ?

Gareebon Ka Hritik - Thats what I thought but he hooked a nice one from Bareli !

Pitu said...

I was being sarcastic reg. Mimoh ;-)

Ya, agreed, although Harman is a non-as-handsome copy of Hrithik, he does look very good! And I have heard he dances as well as Hrithik.

megan said...

EWWWW Harman? Apart from the fact that he desperately is aping Hrithik. He is nothing like him.

Harman looks like Emraan Hashmi's love child with some midget.. He is so FUGLY. I just hope he doesn't decide to procreate with Priyanka. EWW the offspring will be some monkey with gigantic lips and a fuct up nose. No thanks we have had enough of ugly people in this world..

megan said...

also WTF is up with Imran Khan? That kid looks like some nerdy ugly short girly boy.

Yuck

sikander looks so hairy! but at least he looks like a man. Can't say the same thing about most of these bollywood boys who are 5 foot 5 and look like puberty snobbed them.

They all dress the same and talk the same too. Do they come from some sort of a celebrity offspring factory?

Or it is a result of inbreeding?

SkD said...

...inbreeding

Joules said...

ok, I have a question for girls who dont wear shoes in the house. How do you put on a saree? or how do you know how you look without the right shoes?

Noticed Mandira's blue saree (and I will comment on her trekky blouse later) was a tad bit higher in JJWS. Seemed like she wore her heels after she put on the saree.

Anonymous said...

Wow, major info! :-) All correct, and nothing to add...but Joules, just to answer your q: I do that all the time - I don't wear outdoor shoes in the house, and while wearing saris, I just make allowance for the height of the heels - so leave the sari that much longer. Then, right before leaving the house, check on the length and make minor adjustments as needed - all it takes is a quick tuck or a slight tug (step on the back of the sari and stand upright, that will pull it down enough)

-Bitterlemons

Anonymous said...

Wow, major info! :-) All correct, and nothing to add...but Joules, just to answer your q: I do that all the time - I don't wear outdoor shoes in the house, and while wearing saris, I just make allowance for the height of the heels - so leave the sari that much longer. Then, right before leaving the house, check on the length and make minor adjustments as needed - all it takes is a quick tuck or a slight tug (step on the back of the sari and stand upright, that will pull it down enough)

-Bitterlemons

Anonymous said...

Wow, major info! :-) All correct, and nothing to add...but Joules, just to answer your q: I do that all the time - I don't wear outdoor shoes in the house, and while wearing saris, I just make allowance for the height of the heels - so leave the sari that much longer. Then, right before leaving the house, check on the length and make minor adjustments as needed - all it takes is a quick tuck or a slight tug (step on the back of the sari and stand upright, that will pull it down enough)

-Bitterlemons

meena said...

Sarees never come right if you dont wear shoes while draping it (especially if you normally wear heels). An inch off the floor and the look is spoiled. The only full length mirror I have sits in my closet and I have to bring my shoes up to check if they go with the outfit.
But then I am not so finicky about shoes in the house. In winters, usually off (yucky chicago snow), in summers, maybe keep them on, since we walk out on to the deck often. Having no carpeted areas on the first floor helps.

Parveen Sibal said...

Imraan Looks like a Freshly peeled Potato ( The freshly boiled one )

Links to some more Kids Here
http://in.movies.yahoo.com/news-detail/26584/Long-list-of-newcomers-knocking-Bollywoods-door.html
Wonder when is Prateek Babbar going to be launched ( Guru Fame)

Parveen Sibal said...

On aother note here is an excellent Rendition of a Nusrat Song by NY based Vishal Vaid
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XvHmFMNhMQ

Aspi said...

Parveen, who are all these people!? I need to stop watching desi TV and start watching desi films.

Anonymous said...

Aspi:
I wouldn't advise watching all the Desi Movies unless you want to Blog about the new comers etc.
There are other options to have a glimpse of the new faces (on the Net.)

Anonymous said...

Aishwarya Aunty to start a family in November this year

http://bollywoodpoint.com/

Pitu said...

Imran Khan reminds me of that annoying Ayub Khan. (failed actor, launched in Salma pe dil aa gaya, nephew of Dilip Kumar) You may have seen him in Mrityudand - he played the chauvinist hubs.

meena said...

LOL re-Ash, it cracks me up when people set proper dates to get pregnant. I wish Ash all the best..only hope she doesnt discover (like so many women have) that its not as easy to conjure up a pregnancy as setting it on your calendar!

Aspi said...

The best line in that Aish article is:

"It is a fact that Aishwarya is born with a Sarpa Dosh and this Kundali people will have a testing time after March 2009 till April 2010. "

Well ignoring the statement that this is a *fact*, if those people are going to have kids in 2009, a testing time is guaranteed for them, no? Score for Kundlis!

Pundit 1, Sceptics 0 and we haven't hit 2009 yet.

Joules said...

Who is Prateek Babbar? Raj Babbar's son's name is Arya Babbar who was in Guru. He has had a couple of launches but with a face like that you dont go far.

I actually think Tushar Kapoor has done quite well. With his looks and limited acting talent he has formed a niche for himself.

btw, Raj Babbar's daughter had a launch as well. She is not that bad as an actress but looks older than her age.

Aish said...

What do you mean by I can't get pregnant in November? I have a lovely family - my ma and pa love me not to mention the perfect man in my life. I just walked barefeet to sidhi vinayak and will be visiting every single temple in India. Did I mention how happy I am these days. With God's grace I will be giving the good news to you all by the end of the year.

Pitu said...

Joules- Raj Babbar has 2 sons. His and Nadira Babbar's son is Arya. Prateek Babbar is Raj's son with Smita Patil. After Smita ls death, Nadira-Raj brought him up.

Kanan said...

Joules, Prateek Babbar is Raj Babbar and Smita Patil's son, where as the other two are his and Nadira Babbar's children. Just found out about it today when I was searching for info on Sonu Sood (Sujamal of Jodhaa Akbar) thinking he is related to Raj Babbar. They looked like father son to me. Just blogging about it now.

Vivek Oberoi said...

I just dropped by to say that I am living up the single boy life - my SMS inbox is full, I go to parties every night and stay up late, I wear Italian designer shoes and don't have to walk anywhere barefoot.

I don't have to hang out with a guy who wears a headband, his Dad and some funny bald guy who is surgically attached to said Dad's hip.

Woohoo! Who's doing better NOW!

Aspi said...

How can Sonu Sood and Raj Babbar be related yaar? Sonu Sood is decent looking *and* can act without flaring his eyes all the time.

Pitu said...

lol. Also, Sonu Sood is distinctly not creepy and I would not be afraid of being stuck with him in an elevator. Raj Babbar. .. *shudder*

Kanan said...

Pitu you beat me by a min. :) Hahaha @ being stuck in an elevator with Sonu Sood.

Aspi that's funny. Cmon I think Raj Babbar is a fine actor. ;) But I seriously thought the dude playing Sujamal was totally related to him. I didn't know his name at that time so kept thinking so until after 10 days of watching the film.

Pitu said...

Pitu 1, Kanan 0 Bwahahaha!!!

BTW don't you think Sonu Sood looks eggjactly like a young Amitabh? Same features, same chin and lips..

Kanan said...

No, Pitu. He looks more like Raj Babbar, see here. Amitabh almost never showed his ears when he was young in the film industry. My dad and I used to laugh thinking he had the tiniest ears so he was embarrassed to show them. Sonu, not the same. :P but I do see similarities between their noses and Sonu's eyes look like Big B's when he expresses anger. Otherwise, he looks like Raj Babbar's son. ;)

Check out Big B's photos here:
http://bollywood501.com/classic_m/amitabh/index.html

Pitu said...

Kanan, I think the reason I just cannot see any similarities between Sonu and Raj is because I think Sonu is super cute and Raj always looked sleazy. OTOH young Amitabh was also maha cute esp in Chupke Chupke.. so I think it's easier for me to make him Big B's handsome son in an alternate universe as opposed to Babbar's :-)

But ya I hope he does more films. He did a great job as Sujamal Bhaisa. Too bad he shared the screen with Hrithik because H with his Greek God looks can overwhelm anyone.

Joules said...

Actually I was in India when JA released and there was a lot of talk in entertainment news as to how Sonu looked like young Amitabh. So there are of people who think like you, Pitu.

Pitu said...

Also, this is unrelated but what is up with Punjabis naming their grown sons Sonu??? There's Sonu Nigam, Sonu Sood. It's as bad as us Maharashtrians with our Bals. Bal Gangadhar Tilak, Bal Gandharva, Bal Thackeray, Bal Jambhekar..

I mean, Bal = baby!!!

My dad's chacha was 92 and everyone still called him Bal kaka :-O

Aspi said...

No to mention people from UP who always seem to have Ram in their names.

In fact, as tribute to the Drift Memsaab's side of the family I often call my sons Bholeram and Rambharose.

Pitu said...

We shd rename you Aspiram :-D

Anonymous said...

I second the name change !

Raj Babar's daughter is an average looking and came in a Punjabi Movie opposite Sonu Nigam.
It was a " No Good"
Could be a reason for Sonu Nigam to start saying no to acting !

dalia said...

not wanting to remove shoes seems to be quite the american thing (as opposed to canadian).

my best friend is brown and talks about how she'd be disowned if she brought home somebody black--even if he was a doctor or lawyer i ask her? it's a rather sore spot in our friendship... seriously, would it be so bad to bring home a black significant other?

why?

megan said...

dalia - desi people and their superiority/inferiority complexes .. UGH i can't stand their obsession with skin color srsly..

i am glad that no one in my family are close minded and i was brought up without seeing any prejudice in mah house ..

anonymous- i don't think sonu nigam has starred in a punjabi movie. I think you are talking about yaara nal baharan and that starred Jimmy Shergill. It was a good movie

Aspi said...

dalia, everyone has a social totem pole on which they assign themselves a spot. How you deal with race and class determine how your social totem is constructed and where you end up on it. So it is with desi folks.

One thing to note though is that desis tend to verbalize issues of race much more overtly than others. In this they are like black people - race is an issue and is discussed often if not constantly or positively.

So instead of someone who might pay lip service to dating black people and then suspiciously always finding an excuse to dismiss bringing one home, you have someone who says it up front.

Its not an excuse of sorts, but just something I've learned to appreciate. And for me putting a positive spin on it helps to deal with the frustration around how a lot of desis still handle race.

Aspi said...

m, I like Jimmy Shergill quite a bit. He looks so above all the material he seems to dabble in.

anu g said...

Mindrush, hahaha,u really desribed desiness so well. And Leera, to prove Mindrush right, let me also dole out free advice:- do consider letting ur parents know, cos if they hear of it from someone else,its going to hurt even more.(and u r abroad,so they cant lock u up in a house and get u married off to someone else:)). It may turn out to be not-so-bad.My cousin was in a simlar situation 10 years ago, her parents were getting her wedding fixed to sone one else, and she panicked and came to me, then I advised her to let her parents know. There were fireworks for a few days, but things settled down after that. She has been happily married for 10 years, and she still says she is glad she did what i said. Of course circumstances may be different in ur case.U r the best judge. But its just the 'desi' genes in me, prodding me to sermonize!Best wishes!

Anonymous said...

this is sameera reddy's mobile no anagram
decode it: 917x3y8w1f

x : it has three letters and often mistaken to be 9

y : it is the cube of two

z : number invented by aryabhatta

f : it is three less than the smallest two digit number

Aspi said...

Awesome! So I call this number and its actually the number of India's No. 1 florist, right? Neat trick.