But seasons change. Despite a steady stream of hits (Lage Raho Munnabhai, Heyy Babyy), Vidya Balan is now the Behenji of Bollywood, the Go To Actress for discussion after three tequila shots at any Bollywood bitch camp.
All it takes is a few bad dresses. Before you know it, you are getting into scraps with Manish Malhotra and (funnily enough) comparing your own dress sense to a bad hair day.
This Bollywood nainsaafi made me sad. After all, what is Vidya Balan's fault in all of this except a confounding sense of fashion? Is that reason enough to lynch someone? Especially when people like Mimoh stalk the earth unabated? Not around here. So I decided to give some Phaltu Drift style advice to Vidya.
Since I do everything systematically and logically, I started with a breakdown analysis of Vidya's strength and weaknesses. I've listed my analysis in the first picture.
Clearly Vidya is short, has a bigger than normal head, shorter than normal arms and a curiously bumpy bust. This gives her a perpetually scrunched look - like as if she were in Chicago in the dead of winter.
Now we can get down to how to fix it. Luckily for Vidya, I'm not a stylista like our Joules. So my advice is really easy to implement and is this: show your neck, baby!
So here are the rules:
- No hair bangs that hide the neck
- Wear a V-neck if possible to convey illusion of elongated neck
- No short, collar-bone hugging necklaces. Absolutely no chokers unless you plan to wring Manish Malhotra with it
- No high belts or cinches and lines right below the bust. Absolutely no baby doll dresses unless you are worried about looking too old for Shahid
- Tina reveals Vidya's journey to stardom
- Vidya Balan appears to be cylindrical to maxdavinci
- meena has more sage advice for Vidya
- What is she up to here on Kismat Konnection? asks Kanan
- Never Mind!! would like Vidya to stick to ethnic outfits and links to her fake Birkin
- j notes that Vidya is getting better and has a lot of support but wants her to keep it simple
- girlie girl suggests well fitted skirts and tunics for Vidya
- Pitu explains the legend of Tipu Sultan
- Bollywood's obsession with cookie cutter actresses annoys Sidekick
- Anon links to one infamous orange dress
- Okay Vidya is a paindu aunty, but why does she get so much hate? asks m
- Vidya tries to hard says Mind Rush. Tone it down!
- Parineeta was the last time Vidya looked good to Amrita
- Pitu thinks its not the (lack of) style but how Vidya handles the commotion about it that matters
- Tina links to Vidya Balan's TV debut
- There are others worse than Vidya says m and provides one example
- Lugging a brand name bag helps with the fashion police believes Never Mind!!
- Vidya should just take the criticism and get better instead of fighting it says girlie girl
- anu g describes her brush with a TV show makeup person and is glad not to be a celeb
- jitendra recommends ARR's Ada
- Teddy dreams of Parsi cuisine
- Bumpy bust = badly fitted bra or dodgy surgery says ~mad munky~