Wednesday, July 23, 2008

No Sa Re Ga Ma Pa? On to Star Voice of India!

For some reason Star Voice of India doesn't whip up the same frenzy as its more celebrated cousins - SRGMP and Indian Idol. But with ZeeTV USA force feeding people that boring kavi sammelan - SRGMP Challenge USA - and with nothing good on TV and some time on my hands, I tuned in to Voice of India 2 last weekend.

And boy, was the reward immediate! But more on that later.

VoI has three judges: disgruntled ex-SRGMP judge Ismail Darbar who launched into a delicious mini-attack of SRGMP at one point, Sukhwinder Singh of the booming voice and goofball potential and Monty Sharma - who with his startled lab rat look makes Ismail Darbar look like he is in a GQ shoot.

All three judges are at moral loggerheads with each other. Let me explain.

All evening Monty Sharma kept using the confounding word "Attack!" whenever he wanted to encourage a contestant. Confused by what this meant, contestant after contestant bowed meekly and scurried off the stage. Perhaps sensing this, Monty felt compelled to explain.

"The meaning of this word Attack!" said Monty, "is that I want you to go out there and get what you want! Don't wait for it to come to you."

Immediately Ismail Darbar picked up the mike and said: "You have to chheeno stuff these days. Even asking God for it doesn't work. God doesn't have time for us!"

At this point Sukhwinder put on his best achha insaan face and cut in. "God has time for all us" he said solemnly, waving one arm around. "He gives without asking!" Then he turned to the perplexed contestant hanging out reluctantly on stage. "Don't make this advice a guiding slogan in your life!"

Black and white sankat ensued. Monty grabbed the mike and peered from under his hair. "When does a child get fed milk by his mother? Only when he cries!" Despite the implication here that Monty may have had a disturbed infanthood, this deliciously loopy and unrelated take on Gabbar Singh's famous saambha-maa-bachcha dialog from Sholay was fine entertainment.

But back to that instant gratification I mentioned earlier. Some girl called Saptaparna opened proceedings with a fine rendition of Kay Cera Cera. The judges threw their hands around and did much wah, wah. I had to down a tequila because I saw Sukhwinder mouth Kya Baat Hai at least once.

When the performance was finished Ismail trotted on stage and looked at Saptaparna. "Your name is very convoluted!" he declared. "So from this point on you shall have a new name. And to remind me of the light your singing will spread in this world, I will henceforth call you...ROSHNI!"

Saptaparna swallowed hard and bowed long and deep - probably to give herself some time to make sense of the drama. Host Shaan smiled broadly and immediately began addressing the poor girl by her new name.

Right after that another contestant called Debarati with enough spray in her hair to hold up all of South Delhi came and sweetly ambled her way through Bhaage Re Mann. After she finished she hopefully waited for Ismail to issue another spontaneous naamkaran. But Ismail appeared to be least interested. It might have been my imagination but Debarati looked distinctly crest fallen.

Lady, new name ke liye aur mehnat karo!

Also:

32 comments:

megan said...

aspi relax man juss relax!

*~mad munky~* said...

Crikey.....this is all getting a bit too much for my poor brain now...it's creaking under the weight of these shows :o\

Who's Monty? *oblivious*

m said...

seriously i am soo disappointed in VOI and srgmp this year, there is not even one hot guy.. all of them look like they came from some ugly people convention..and are competing against each other to for the coveted "who is the most unfortunate looking" title.. with other smaller titles

"Mr Biggest beer gut"
"Mr Worst Hairstyle"
"Most Acne Prone skin"
"Anil Kapoor Award for the hairiest singer"
"Special award sponsored by the downs syndrome society"

i don't expect a total eye candy in these shows but at least there should be one or two who isn't an eye sore!!

thank god Junoon has 2 hot guys plus its an awesome show with great talent..

maxdavinci said...

well you can catch SRGMP on a few forums the next day with some decent quality. Though nothing beats the TV exp.

thoda adjust karna padega. But then anything is worth Shankar taking on himes bhai.

JMLR and Har har mahadev!

Anonymous said...

Wow - a Show with Recycled songs and recycled singers ( N-10 ) who were in the initial rounds of ASVOI in the last show.

There are two singers in SRGMP ( Sunvinder & Sara ) and may be two in ASVOI tat are worth listening.

j said...

That Monty's baby crying comment is seriously disturing.

I am also tired of listening to the same songs. They are still singing OSO, Woh Lamhe or Gangster songs. I know we haven't had a big release this year but come on, sing something diffferent.

Bee's said...

oh too bad i missed it..going to watch from this week onwards..saw some promos though and the monty guy looks like indian jabba the hut

j said...

Also who was Monty's mom. Smita Patil from 'kasam Paida karne Wale ki'.

Pitu said...

OMG hahahahahaaa!!! sounds hilarious!! what is with these stupid maa ka doodh people? and spontaneous naamkaran? dude, anyone tries that nonsense with me, they will get SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION! bwahahahaaa!

Aspi said...

Clearly, we are all going to love Monty Sharma going forward.

~mm~ Monty is the music director of Saawariya and the Ismail Darbar replacement in Sanjay Leela Bhansali's life.

His work on Saawariya was astonishing simply because of the risks he took. But we'll have to watch him some more to see what transpires.

Whatever he does next, I expect him to Attack!

Mind Rush said...

Drift saab,
I don't watch VOI but your write up was so funny that I may be forced to tune in.

May I analyze your nick name for Monty Sharma?
Just as Mr. Darbar gave Roshni her new name with great fondness, you mucst dearly love Lab Rat!

girlie girl said...

and what is with everyother word being "attack"?! That can get seriously annoying. I cannot EVER imagine being a host for one of these things! I think i'd jump over the desk and beat the judges for being so ridiculous!

Anonymous said...

Aspi it seems a bit rude with the nick name.

Malz said...

Is Saawariya, Monty Sharma's only claim to fame? I saw last week's episode..n his attack is very annoying n silly..tht naamkaran was so ridiculous..Ismail should just learn to remember unique names..maybe we should do his naamkaran n change it to??!! any suggestions?

j said...

MS is Ismail's chela. Was a assistant on Devdas as well as background music composer on Black. Saawariya is first break as an independent music director.

girlie girl said...

wait, does that mean ID won't be on SRGMP?!?! Who is going to agree with Himesh on every issue out there even though everyone knows hes wrong?!?! his chela is gone??

svr said...

@girlie girl, heh, I wish you were the host then, in comparison to our
when compared to our gentle quiet agreeable Shaan. :D There can never been too much humour in a TV show, and the TRPs would increase exponentially!

Kanan said...

Hahaha Aspi, that's funny.

Monty Sharma looks so much like Whoopi Goldberg. I bet they're related. ;)

svr said...

er, my apologies for the weird English, haven't finished my afternoon latte yet! I meant to say:

@girlie girl, I wish you were the host then, so much more fun when compared to our gentle quiet agreeable Shaan. :D There can never been too much humour in a TV show, and the TRPs would increase exponentially!

@Aspi, I was so planning on giving this one a miss, between the recycled singers here, and Himesh Besharmiya on SRGMP! But now I can't. The changing state of Sukhwinder's moral philosophy will be crazy fun to follow along! Will he be able to still say such "God gives without asking" dialogs after three months of close proximity to ID and MS? The suspense is killing me :D

Aspi said...

Lab Rat is rude? Ok, we'll go easy with that.

I like gg's idea of beating up the judges. That would be riveting television. Each contestant would come out and sing. And then one wrong comment or move by the judges and it would whup ass time.

It would be Jerry Springer meets Bollywood Reality TV.

But for long I've wondered what would happen if someone changed my name on national TV.

Would I say "No thanks" or "Thanks a lot" or "Ismail, charity starts at home. In UP-speak your name is just an expression".

Aspi said...

Bee and j, the full humor of your comments just dawned on me. I'm still chuckling.

j said...

Oh, you got my reference. Was wondering how many here will get it.

Awesome Bhappi music!!

Here are couple of youtubes to bring some 80s love back

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiwcSxCkKtI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzhmrCg2XYQ&feature=related

Over Rated said...

is Monty the new Bappi? Or is Bappi to omniscient to be replaced by a mere mortal?

Pitu said...

oooh gg, pls become tYou can whack people in different ways according to the occasion. Navratri spl- hit with dandiya, Mother's day spl- beat with rolling pin, Valentine's day- alternately slap and step on their feet with 6 inch stilettoes!

Pitu said...

meh, I can't type today. I meant gg, pls become the new host!

leera said...

Damn Aspi, I am still sad that SRGMP is not benefitting from some phaltu Drift Advice.

Two weeks in, the show has already unfolded some subtle new tweakings based on last season's experiences.
First off thay have to have been reading your posts, because the creators have wholeheartedly embraced their cheese appeal (sad music alternating from Titanic theme track to the classical theyyyyyyyy-naaaaaaas)
Head has come into his own in a marvelous fashion, taking gentle potshots at HR, doing cheeky sonu nigam impersonations, flirting with 'New Mauli' (Jenis from Goa). Gone is the over-courteous wannabe Shaan, he's playfully ribbing the contestants and really trying to bring them to the fore, the comfort level is evident.
On to the fun stuff. HR has perfected a Zoolanderish glassy stare to camera while Aadesh nervously eyes him. Pritam looks perpetually delighted or like a kid whose candy was taken away. I am greatly missing V-S rocking out to the music and the only person who remotely fills the void is 'The mucchhad electric guitar uncle' who looks like he is having a blast doing what he does.
The singing is great as always. HR has once again cleverly positioned his 'unconventional voices'. I particularly like this Manwinder dude (even though he looks like he should be on Lil Champs). Pritam and Shankar have a solid crew. aadesh has been irritataing for the most part(I can't put my finger on it) Shankar Mahadevan has been totally normal, to the point of boring.
Aasha Bhonsle does a fair bit to deflate dear HR, but when he's such an expert 'baniya', very few can keep up. Poor Pritam keeps getting flak for Atif Aslam and I susupect his mike is turned off during most of the jhagdas.

Any way needed to get that long run on sentence out of my system.

I can't wait for your massive recap come August!!

girlie girl said...

I would LOVE to host one of these!! I'd even throw in insult here and there for the judges. Like call ID Isshhmial Darbar every chance I get, or if we have a Himanshu-style judge, maybe pull a Dr. Evil style "Zip-it" or any old Will Farrell joke in there! Come on...someone out there has to know someone in show biz to be me in! Dig deep people!

ooh, and don't forget the shotouts to my drifters at the end of each episode.

Aspi said...

leera, brilliant update! Sounds like so much fun! I can't wait to watch it. In the meantime, thanks for keeping the SRGMP light shining.

j said...

So why does everyone hate Atif Aslam? We have had worse singers before.

Aspi said...

j, its probably just because atif is stealing someone's lunch.

I think his voice is very inflexible. But the backlash probably has to do with how quickly he's achieved fame.

Anonymous said...

A lot of the songs were recycled and boring, but the guy from Chattisgarh sang an old Mohd. Rafi song and the girl from Karnataka sang a beautiful song I hadn't heard before.

Cinderella said...

ID actually got the girl's name changed??wtf?how irritating!

Monty 'mountain' Sharma is funny!!especially his hair.
maybe Mind Rush could analyse his hair for us:-P