Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Reality shows I'd like to see

Finally with the welcome demise of SRGMP Challenge USA,  we can go back to watching the best show on Indian TV - SRGMP Challenge 2009.

But between SRGMP last year and now what have we seen? Tired shows with familiar contestants. Jaded, uninventive finales. Unconvincing jhagdas. Is this what the world of TV is coming to?

Fortunately I'm enough of an achha insaan to part with some high concepts for TV shows I've been working on lately. Note: I've used popular songs as show names to provide instant brand recognition. Pretty clever, haa?

Show: I am a Disco Dancer
The Pitch: Contestants dress and sing like Bappi and get graded by how well they can fool Bappi's son Bappa. Final three have to dress, sing and cook something that Bappi would like. The best part of this show is that anyone can participate and try to look or sing like Bappi, regardless of gender or age.
Judges: Abhijit, Bappa Lahiri

Show: Dum Maaro Dum
The Pitch: A cash-in on the new fitness craze in India, singers sing while exercising. The best songercise gets the highest points. A calorie counter is employed and combined with the judges scores.
Judges: Adnan Sami, Himesh Reshammiya

Show: Geet gaata chal
The Pitch: Dum Maaro Dum but for seniors
Judges: Vyjantimala Bali, Dev Anand

Show: Roop tera mastaana
The Pitch: An entire team (lyricist-composer-singer) gets together each week and composes something in praise of Himesh Reshammiya. The one who does the best job gets the highest points. Final three get to perform with the man himself.Winner gets to spend a day in the House of Reshammiya. Loser gets to spend two days.
Judges: Ismail Darbar, Hansika Motwani

Show: Mummy ko nah hai pataa
The Pitch: Party Central for girls! Each week contestants do something outrageous that would kill their parents if they found out and then air it on TV. Parents are invited and their reactions are aired during and right after the "performance".
Judges: Malaika Arora, Sonam, Upen Patel, Babita

Show: Laila mai Laila
The Pitch: Bollywood starlets perform based on a theme each week. Suggested artists: Udita Goswami, Kim Sharma, Amrita Arora, Shamita Shetty, Celina Jaitley and Tanushree Dutta (pretty much any woman from this awesome video). Suggested themes: suhaag raat ki laila, sadaa suhaagan laila, Bappi nite laila, Barish mein laila, Ranjit ki laila.
Judges: Feroz Khan, Bindu, Shakti Kapoor

Show: Mehngai maar gai
The Pitch: A-list politicians are given Rs 500 to take their family out for the evening and have a good time. Strolls in parks or Chowpatty are not permitted. Each week viewers get to watch one contestant discover the real India.
Judges: Shatrughan Sinha, Jaya Bachchan

Show: Tashan Mein
The Pitch: Karan Johar and Manish Malhotra get together each week and pick a tashan-challenged celebrity to adopt and beautify. The season will open with Sameera Reddy and the finale will feature Parmeshwar Godrej.
Judges: Gauri Khan, Tusshar Kapoor

62 comments:

Anonymous said...

Amazing you should begin a post on reality show with the word 'demise'. Ishmeet.

j said...

Very funny!

The "mummy ko nahin hai pata" reminds of that game in US last year kind of like "truth or dare" where they would ask you questions ranging from "Have you cheated on your bf" to "Do you hate your parents".

meena said...

'Mehngai mar gai' - gets my vote!
John McCain said recently that he has never been on the internet and hasnt ever used email :) I am just saying.. how out of touch can these guys get?

altho with the mayavatization of desi politics it may be the new cool to sit on a charpoy and drink chai.

meena said...

..oh yeah and Amar Singh should be the first contestant if he can tear himself away from the bachchan parivar.

Pitu said...

HAHAHAAHA!!! :-D I like the Bappi show best!

Bella said...

sign me up for the Bappi show :)

girlie girl said...

HAHAH! still laughing at how many different show ideas there are that feature Himanshu in one way or another. I think we have concluded that a reality show without any form of Himesh is a big dull dud!

Fantastic job btw, Aspi!

Anonymous said...

Fantastic! My votes go to Mehngai Maar Gai and Tashan Mein! LOL at Gauri being a judge of that one
:-D

-Bitterlemons

Pitu said...

'John McCain said recently..' OMG! Wot? Dude has never checked email and stuff? *pulls hair out with frustration*

j said...

Meena, that Amar Singh comment reminds me, there should be a parivaar game where Amar Singh with the Bachchan pariwaar is the judge.

Kanan said...

Very funny, Aspi! :D

Roop Tera Mastana "Loser gets to spend two days." LOL

Mehngai mar gai - for some reason, this reminds me of this certain scene from Mr. India where Ajit Vacchani and gang are having fun partay at a club and there's an action scene and at the end Nil Bhaloo Kaps takes their dinner table outside to give the food to a poor family.

I would love to watch all of these shows. I hope whoever's concerned are reading this post. Does Gajendra Singh still have shows on Zee TV? Or he's retired?

Aspi said...

I would definitely like to see Amar Singh on some show or the other. And if he is on with Bachchan, even better!

Gajendra Singh is very much around and building Star TV's music competition empire with VoI and Chhote Ustaad.

Aspi said...

McCain also made some bizarre comment about Bloggers too recently. He probably has an intern do all web related stuff for him.

Someone once told me that his wife stole some recipes from the internet and put them up on her web site. Then blamed an intern for it when she got caught.

Pitu said...

??!! *rolls eyes*

j said...

On the Jon McCain thing. The guy is old. He was born before India's independence. The internet wave became main stream in the 1990's. Imagine learning a new craft in your 60's when you already have a staff who can print things out for you.

girlie girl said...

I know...I can't believe McCain has no idea how to check emails yet he's talking about how even though he is old he connects to the future generation. I mean come on, our generation does their groccery shopping on the internet. We are so depended upon internet and email on a day to day basis that it's almost stupid to not be familar with it. If you want to talk about leading this country in the future yet you dont know how to access one of the things that will do just that then you can't possibly have any idea on how to go about it. Sorry to vent but it needed to be done. Only certain things can be done the "old fashioned way"...

Pitu said...

J, even though the points you make are true, he has to make the effort to become internet-savvy, if for no other reason because people will think he is stuck in the medieval ages. Who knows what else he is clueless about? Maybe he has incredibly dated ideas even about the country and running it. I'm just saying, it strengthens the old fogey impression and makes it that much harder to compete with a much younger guy. Plus, this whole 'budhaoo PM' thing is ultra common in India but in the US, youth is prized.

GG, funny you mentioned groceries. The brand of tea I drink is available only in UK and Canada so every few months I buy it from ebay. In fact, my tea should be arriving today :-)

j said...

I hate to be the one defending McCain here and I think atleast he should'nt acknowledge it but dont think he is the only one in the senate. Doubt if Ted Kennedy knows how to use it.

But I do not agree with the reasoning that beacuse he does'nt know these things he cannot connect to the younsters. I could say the same thing about the younger guys that they dont know how to fix soc. security or medicare because they haven't had to deal with those issues or they dont know problems corporations face because they have never run a corporation or worked in one.

meena said...

j, leaders, especially wannabe leaders of the free world will always be judged to different standards.
Anna quindlen's article on this -
http://www.newsweek.com/id/148980

Aspi said...

j, great point! I don't like McCain but that could just be because his competition is from around here.

Also since Pitu mentioned buying tea - if you are a gujju you always buy wagh-bakri tea from India (or your local grocery store). As strong as a wagh, but as tender as a bakri.

One cup properly brewed would wake up Kumbhkaran barely a week into his nap.

girlie girl said...

I agree that most of the people in politics are old and have no idea how to use the internet and it doenst phase them one bit, but when it comes to dealing with our generation, you have to change your ways. I'm not saying be an expert on the world wide web but you should be able to manuver around it. Also, I was reading an article which said that Obama has gone to so many college campuses and given speeches while McCain has only gone to a handful. Even on university campuses his exposure isn't as much as Obamas and I think part of the reason for that is the most people that volunteer to campaign for McCain are in our parent's generation. He should find younger republicans to campaign for him...he doesn't necessarily have to become young and hip himself, but just get some young people that can relate to his ideas and views on the country.

Aspi said...

That article is interesting and gg, you have a point too.

I get the feeling that McCain's lack of net savvy probably just makes people feel like it might be part of larger incompetence - like the ability to learn new things and deal with newer problems.

Most people who meet Obama will tell you they are voting for him because he appears smart enough to tackle any problem that might come up.

I still consider Marc Andreeson's (Netscape founder and inventor of the modern browser) personal log on Obama to be the gold standard profile of the man.

girlie girl said...

we as a family always get Jivraj #9 tea...

Pitu, what's the kind you get?

Pitu said...

Aspi, I used to drink Wagh Bakri but I am a fan of floral flavors so after a point the WB got really old. I drink Ahmad Tea Imperial Blend. The bergamot in it just knocks my socks off. I do that stupid thing models in tea ads do- which is to sniff the tea with eyes closed and give a big, goofy grin :-p mmmm yummy!

http://www.amazon.com/Ahmad-Tea-Imperial-Blend-Darjeeling/dp/B0016CX7BA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1217436987&sr=8-1

meena said...

thats great insight.

.. and to your point j it is true that ted kennedy would probably fail the test on this point..

however, I have a knee jerk reaction against republican presidential campaigners who try to make ignorance a virtue -a la George Bush.

meena said...

Pitu thanks.. I was going to ask what tea you drink..:)

meena said...

That contest with the Bachchans and amar Singh as judges sounds great..
we can call it 'Hum Aapke Hain Koun?'

girlie girl said...

Aspi...I absolutely LOVED the blog on Obama. I agree that we Chicagoans are a little bias plus you add in the age factor; lets face it, we can relate a lot more ot Obama than McCain. Plus being Indian, we as a group have always been leaning towards Democrats it's not fair for us to judge McCain but he's just not offering anything that might even slightly intrigue me...

ooh, Pitu, do you just add this to boiling water or is it like tea bags? either way looks good though

girlie girl said...

haha...'Hum Aapke Hain Koun?' that's pretty much the question on everyone's mind!

j said...

I think the story is bigger because it goes with the narrative that McCain is old and set in his ways. If Obama would have said "I dont do emails. Dont have time for them" people would'nt have blinked. I still doubt Obama has time to log into the internet. Its the same way that the narrative these days is that Obama is presumtous candidate. Anything he says is used against him by the journos.

Pitu said...

I adore Obama despite being a Libertarian. Also I love Obama because his daddy is from Kenya and I'm from West Africa. Hubby's family is from Kenya though, so Obama se hamare khandan ka rishta hai. We are appropriating him as our continent-wala.

GG, I put 1 teaspoon of the chai in 1 cup boiling water with 1 tsp brown sugar. It's so delicately flavored and the phoolon ka sugandh is lovely. Jeez, if yall end up buying it, I need to get a commission from those Ahmad guys.

j said...

I meant presumptous

Kanan said...

Aspi, in our whole extended family wagh-bakari rules. And in the couples the wife being the wagh and husband being bakaris. :D We all have loved it all our lives. Adrak wali chai rules! I don’t like the fact that those selfish Starbucks guys have butchered the whole tea concept and come up with their silly Chai Tea Latte. Grrr!

Pitu said...

...apart from the fact that 'chai tea' is a repetition. My amreeki friend drinks 'chai tea' and eats 'naan bread'. I keep telling him it's as ridiculous as saying 'milk milk' or 'juice juice'.

Aspi said...

Finally, a discussion on tea - one of my favorite subjects. I should tell you that my mother-in-law saw me once put tea in the water and put it on the stove and declared that I didn't know how to make tea. I was supposed to boil the water first, then throw the tea leaves in it, turn the choola off and then cover the thing for some quasi-precise time.

I think Hum Aapke Hain Kaun is a terrific title. In the US we'd give it a more Hinglish title like "Mein aur mera Sleeping Bag"

girlie girl said...

I agree with the Ma-in-law aspi...you dont get the same flavor if you put the tea in water than boil it...you're suppose to boil it then put the tea leaves. also, if you guys want a kick with you tea, add the sugar at the end right before the tea starts to rise...it make a huge difference!

Aspi said...

gg, this is a great opportunity for you to make a Drift debut and publish the definitive recipe for tea that will stand for all time to come.

Otherwise I'll do a celebrity interview with you and ask you tea questions.

j said...

Aaah, so its not gg you are interviewing for your next super celeb post. Is it MindRush then?

Aspi said...

Nope, not gg (yet). Not Mind Rush either (yet - although that's a great idea). That's all you'll get from me till Monday :)

pappu said...

Aspi,

I have been a silent reader of your blog/comments and wanted to continue doing so out of my lethargy for posting. But this article of yours had put me in splits. Seriously, I had no choice but to write this.

"Mummy ko nah hai pataa" is the best concept. Although, being a parent myself, I am not sure if I will be able to digest it, yet it can enlighten us with things that new age kids are capable of doing. "Mehngai maar gai" should come next. The first guest should be BMW (alias for Behan Mayawati; Read somewhere on net)

Finding funny pictures, embellishing them with even funnier comments, autorickshaw confessions, exclusive interviews, out-of-the-world posts and concepts...cool terms (like maha maal, folding fitted sheets etc ect)....OMG!!! How do you manage all this and be a top-notch wit at the same time...What's wrong with your mind? Why does it comes up with so much interesting stuff?

JMLR!!!! Keep on rocking.

Aspi said...

Pappu, welcome! You might notice I steal most of the stuff from the people who comment on the posts.

For some reason that song (Mummy ko nahi..) gives me much joy to listen to and even more to watch. Especially that line "Tell you what tequila ka ek shot hoon mein".

It reminds me of these terrible sexist pictures in some Indian restaurants. There is one such here with has a painting of a jahapanah holding a wine glass with a woman in it.

Pitu said...

eww which resto is that at? Altho I must say I hate those typical jahanpanah paintings at Indian restos- the bosoms of the women are just mind-bendingly weird (and pointy). Also they seem to subscribe to the 'less blouse is more' theory :-p

girlie girl said...

hmm...i'll see what i can come up with as far as my debut post goes. But let me just tell you, I'm not that creative! I'll try to send you something than if it's a little boring/dumb (which i dont mind you telling me) than you can definitely interview me. I would like to be the local drift-celebrity!

svr said...

Aspi, I was shaking with laughter reading this! Mindblowing! Fantastic! Superb! JMLR!

Dum Maro Dum's my favourite. I vote for Abhijeet Sawant and Rahul Vaidya to anchor the songercise -- I was gaping in shock the way they pranced about the stage in a couple of their last performances. Total inspiration for the wannabes!

And I vote for a special "enact this scene" episode to Laila mai Laila -- our starlets have to act scenes from selected movies, and the original stars & directors get to criticize them. Maybe some wannabe starlet can show [insert your-least-favourite star] how to act his/her most hammed scene. :D

j said...

i find most indian restaurants in the US very tacki-ly decorated. There will always be the Taj Mahal,the bossomy-women paintings or some bhagwaan pics.

The food in most places is not even half way decent. Every thing is overcooked curry with garam masala added.

Ofcourse, Indian food does'nt show up in my list of top 3 cuisines so I am biased.

But Austin has a restaurant 'Clay Pit' which has great ambience and pretty good food.

meena said...

..dont forget the signature of all desi restaurants: sleep-inducing slow sitar or other instrumental music (or instrumental of some old rafi songs) eeewwww.. puts me right off my appetite..

Pitu said...

meena, you shd go to India House in Wheeling. Buffet is great but the music is Madhumati in instrumental every.single.time. Arghhh if I hear a whiny 'Zulmi sang aankh lagi' on an irritating reed instrument, I am gonna throw a hissy fit.

Never Mind!! said...

I see Tashan Mein becoming a reality show real soon. The list overall was hilarious!

And on tea matters, I love mine with adrak, elaichi and long. The brand, Wah Taj! I used to love love love Zakir Hussain in those Taj ads.

Pitu said...

ooo NM, i have never had cloves in tea!

Aspi said...

There was once an Indian restaurant here (India Garden in Schaumburg I think) that put a giant fountain in the middle of the room. Only the fountain was designed like a mountain. It might have been a Shiva tribute. Hilarious!

Also I have a friend from Antigua who insists the locals enjoy garlic tea. He hasn't convinced me to try it yet.

gg, I'll be happy to interview you if inspiration doesn't strike you. I'll even slip in a Himesh question.

Aspi said...

svr, you are on to something. I think this whole "an add-libbed screen test" idea will totally work in a show.

Pitu said...

garlic tea? *blech*

Anonymous said...

LOL, mention of the Indian Garden reminds me of this hilarious time when my family was there and these two little boys (brothers, i assume) got into a fight and one pushed the other into the fountain. It was quite amusing, actually.

girlie girl said...

what? a fountain in the middle of a restaurant!? Indian restaurant for that matter? that would never work...Indian parents these days do NOT know how to discipline thier kids. I wanna pull a Samantha from SATC when she yells at that woman for bringing her bratty kids to a nice restaurant.

We had that happen one time...we went to HotWok in Schaumburg and they have a fishtank and a tiny waterfall type thing in a corner, and unfortunately our table was next to that damn thing...we couldn't hear eachother talk because every damn kid in the place was hanging out there making noises! grr...

yeah, dont know about garlic tea! there is a woman at work who puts black peppers in tea...not sure about that one either...

Aspi, i'll try to work on something tea-related over the weekend as i'll be busy with month-end related work stuff tomorrow. otherwise, Aspi's interview, here I come...

Aspi said...

I am proud to say my kids behave decently in public. But this comes at a price. As soon as you let them loose back home, they tear the house down.

I suppose you can just tell yourself: I'd much rather protect my house and let them tear down that ridiculous fountain and do us all a favor.

In fact the next time I see some ghastly decoration like that I'll just tell them: bachhalog, apna hi ghar samjho.

j said...

You know I am as anti-kid as it gets but I have not seen too many misbehaved indian kids in the US. The problem I have is when Indian teenagers act like they are your age and want to have a conversation with you and then they are surprised that you dont watch "Ugly Betty".

Pitu said...

Hmm, my thing with kids is that I evaluate them all individually. So just as I wouldn't say 'I love desis'/ 'I hate desis', I wouldn't say I love/hate kids.I've met desi as well as Amreeki kids I love to snuggle coz they are just.too.adorable! but I've also met a few monsters and I feel like dishing out a thappad. It rly depends on how they are raised.

Now dogs are a different matter. In 8 yrs, I've only met one dog I didn't like and that was coz he attacked my dog and I without provocation. I forgave him though :-p

j said...

When I said anti-kid I did'nt mean I hate kids. Just that I dont know what to do with them.

girlie girl said...

I can see where you're coming from Aspi. If it has to get ruined then better yours than mine, huh!? lol!

But i was very well behaved in public places, so was my brother and trust me, he (like most boys growing up) was a total rascal! But this was back in India when if you did something that pissed off your parents you were in for an ass kicking!! ah, the good ol' days!

Pitu said...

I was a horrendous child (in public and private), mostly because my parents had me after a lot of trial and tribulation and they could only have me. Also, I was overactive, overimaginative and always forgiven upon shedding a few well-timed tears. Result- horrible, atrocious child. Some antics-

1) Drinking my dad's unattended gin and tonic at his office Xmas party and dancing drunkenly. Age- 7

2) Eating, yes eating, my uncle's cigarette packet and throwing up on his living room floor. Age- 9

3) Training my kitten to leave half killed lizards in the swimming pool. Age- 11

4) Shoving my dad (who couldn't swim) into the deep end of the pool. Age- 12

As a result, I have zero right to complain about any kid. They are all angels in comparison.

Teddy said...

Wow, lucky you, who have snore inducing sitar and "death of Netaji" style sarangi music in Indian restaurants in your area.

The restaurants in my area are mostly run by rustic Punjabis who firmly believe that the louder the better, when it comes to music. And music means Bhangra, bhangra and more bhangra. There's always a TV set in the corner on every wall, non-stop videos showing groups of hefty Punjab da puttars in satin lungis, vigorously shaking their shoulders. Video-hos in tight miniskirts gyrate to lyrics like "soniye! kudiye! makhna! mahi! Hoi! Hoi! Hoi! Balle!" and other subtle variations on the same words.

I stuff my ears with cottonwool, and blissfully wolf down mooli parathas with dollops of butter, achaar and yogurt, and other delicious, but artery-thickening stuff.

Sardarji asks if I like the food, and I smile and smile as I tell him, Of course, paaji! Love the music too! Chak de phatte!

The salutation "paaji" that is so commonly used also makes me smile, because in my language, it is a gaali.

Cinderella said...

About these reality shows......

i saw a show recently called 'splitsvilla' on MTV..and it was one of the most irritating shows i've ever seen.what were they trying to show??? a bunch of girls competing with each other to win over two guys...they date,flirt,fight and what not and the guys also look soo cheap!! omg!! they think that's cool or what??!!