Undeterred by the fact that her last brilliant saas-bahu treatment failed to lure Himesh Reshammiya to the small screen, KTeddy delivers another classic
There’s a crash in the back of the room as Daai-maa drops a thaali of dhokla and rushes towards her baby Himes.
“Heeeeeemooooooo babaaaaa!!!!!!” she screeches, scattering dhoklas left and right as she lumbers full speed towards the couple. Meanwhile, Himesh’s brothers Jignes and Hites have tremendous frowns on their faces. Their wives Hetal and Lethal, in backless spaghetti-strap cholis, surge forward. They’re wearing earrings bigger than their faces and those terrible snake bindis, and are glowering at the new bahu on the block. Lethal’s eyes go weird. Pungi music is heard in the background, and she smiles evilly to herself.
What Jignes and the Kesammiya Khaandaan does not know, is that Lethal is really an icchadhari naagin, hell bent on revenge against Seth Dharamdas!
What about the Kesammiya Khaandaan ke buzurg? Seth Dharamdas is terribly upset, because he has just got hit on the noggin by a wooden Dandiya. He glares in a rage at his youngest offspring, a large bump throbbing on his bald head. His comb-over is coming undone. Sethani Maniben has just fainted in Dhayabhai Patel’s waiting arms. They look deeply into each other’s eyes, and think of the affair that they had so many years ago, the result of which has just brought home a bahu.
“Baa, your baby is back with a bahu for you,” says Himesh.
“Yeh ladki kaun hai, Himes? Iska khaandaan kya hai?” roars Dharamdas. “she better not be...middle-class!”
Rotika is trying to walk with a footlong pallu covering her face. She bumps into a table, and a vase on the table flies off in slow motion as the whole assembly watches. Water from the vase splashes slowly on to the portrait of Chimanbhai Kesammiya, making the face of Chimanbhai look like something Picasso would paint after a night of indigestion-induced nightmares.
“Nahiiiiiiiiiiin! Apshakoon! Dharamdas, Yeh ladki is khaandaan ko mita degi!” the family tantric OdieBaba has now moved to the foreground, with cleavage and hair extensions to rival Himesh’s, and orange robes with huge rudrakhsh beads around his neck and arms.
“Betaaa” a quavering voice pipes up. It’s the maali cum cook, Ramukaka (A.K.Hangal’s triumphant return to showbiz). “Yeh to hamaare gaon ke munshipalti iskool masterji ki ladki hai, naa!”
There is a shocked silence. Hetal and Lethal smile evilly, and Lethal hisses “Middle-class!”
“Middle-class!” “Middle-class!!!” “MIDDLE-CLASS!!!!” everyone in the Haveli is repeating “Middle-class!!” to each other. The camera spins faster and faster around the room, and rests on Rotika, who has fainted in Ramukaka’s arms, who has in turn tottered into Himes’s arms.
Nostrils quivering in righteous anger, Himesh draws a deep breath and flicks a hand over his tresses, just to make sure the “do” is okay. “Yeh aapki bahu hai, ab is ghar ki izzat hai!!! Maa Saraswati aur Hanumanji ne hame milaya tha, chiku ke khet mein. Jai Mata Di, chaalo roke (rock ) kariye!”
Himesh glares at his khaandaan, daring them to disagree, his chest heaving, cleavage quivering.