Wednesday, August 06, 2008

A thousand ways to suck on Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2009

Anyone who's watched that circus on crack, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, will tell you that the singing can't be faked on this show.

Unlike other shows where you can jiggle your hips through a short song and tide over the occasional croak, on SRGMP your hips don't lie (that phrase a small tribute to Bappi, who I miss a lot this year). The focus is always on your pipes.

Beautiful Mitika KanwarSmall mistakes are caught, even the slightest lack of energy is noticed. The judges come ready to pick apart sur and taal. And there are no high energy performances you can hide behind.

But because the judges try hard to find the faults in every performance they sometimes come across as meanies - risking the ire of those high-strung SRGMP fans. As a result, the judges have devised some wonderful ways of telling the contestants if they suck.

Here is a guide to what the judges say (and what they really mean) on SRGMP.

You started really well! 
(But it was all downhill from there)

We have a lot of expectations from you! 
(And you hardly lived up to them today)

You sang better than last time! 
(You blew then, you merely sucked today)

The standard of this show has gone up lately! 
(And guess who's not up to it baby)

You must sing better next time! 
(Good luck with having a next time)

Your performance was kamaal! 
(Wish your singing was as kamaal as your performance)

You must do more riyaaz! 
(You aren't going to make the cut, thanks for coming)

You have a very good voice! 
(But your singing, well, that's a different story)

You were out of tune! 
(Pack up your bags already)

Also:

33 comments:

Perspective Inc said...

LOL

*~mad munky~* said...

I quite like the 'you have a unique voice' i.e. only dogs can hear it

maxdavinci said...

sirjeee you left out the most famous word of the season! sacrilege!

tonal quality! Sounds like a distant relative of 'Sonal Bharti'.

Also yooneek voice aur aaj ki awaaz.

wonder how kal ki aawaaz sounded! I thot it was the music that changed over the years. Appears that voices have changed as well.

Even I have a yooneek voice jo woh aajkal dhoond rahe hain. lekin kaun sunega is besure ko!

ps: what you you use for image editing?

squarecut.atul said...

Suppose the legends of past have to participate in this show. I can guess what the jugdes would have said if they had Lata, Rafi and Kishere were to participate incognito in this show.

To Lata : you stood there like a statue and sung, you needed to show Energy.

To Rafi- You have a good voice, you could be the next Shabbir Kumar if you work hard

To Kishore- You are too loud.

girlie girl said...

Priceless Aspi, absolutely Priceless! I'm going to print this guide and sit with it during the next episode.

btw, to the India viewers, does this show come on everyday? we only get it Friday and Saturday i believe, but you'd think that since the US show is behind almost half a season, they'd play it a lot more often.

I'm just complaining cause this drama is so much more entertaining than any other one out there. Plus, no new shows in the summer time right now so this is all I've got

anu g said...

Haha, Aspi.Wonderful interpretation. As GG said, everytime a judge passes a comment, I am going to check out what it means in the aspictionary:).And boy, am I relieved that u havent changed into one of those maskaa-maaroing-journalist types:).
But hey what a pity! Why should the programme be telecast a month late there? How do people vote then?Of course going by last year;s spot-question, hardly anyone here votes:).
Girly Girl, the programme is telecast on Friday and Saturday nites at 10pm, and u have repeat telecasts during the week.
I do hope the US channels manage to have a quick roundup of the past weeks, so that u get on par with us here. Cant have Aspi missing out on the wonderful opportunities to comment on the programme, as soon as it happens!

Aspi said...

squarecut.atul, welcome: love that name and your comment.

maxdavinci, you are right. Pritam has a variation of aaji ki awaaz also - he calls it a commercial voice. As far as image editing goes, just about any package will work. But given my life I have 3 minutes allocated to image captioning. So I use the package that does it for me fastest - I use a defunct Microsoft product called PhotoDraw.

gg, I noticed they've been showing more episodes during the week in the US. Although this leaves me thoroughly confused, there is hope we may get caught up soon!

Tania said...

Aspi
The most important one
"You were well suited for another genre(in Himmyspeak-Jonar)"
How could you forget that one from the Mouliben fiasco last year?

j said...

I was thoroughly confused as well.
All of a sudden on Saturday it was the SRGMP marathon.

Can someone from India give a gist as to what is going on? I thought the Friday and Saturday show were the most current ones. The gharanas picked their indian and international picks and a very funny girl somewhere from middle east did'nt make the cut. Aasha Bhosle was the maha guru.

Kanan said...

Hilarious, Aspi! :D

How about the gestures and their actual meanings? e.g. sitting at 45 degree angle, text messaging someone while a singer sings.

Mind Rush said...

Brilliant! It sounded like a hipper version of Koffee with Karan's segment on what stars actually mean when they say____.

Aspi, please do do one on excuses singers give when they hurl...Like..I have a cold, I have a cough, "my voice is off", my grandmother is sick or I miss my parents.

Aspi said...

Mind Rush, we could do one but I'd be treading on dangerous ground here. Take Tarun's behen ki shaadi breakdown that Joules was talking about earlier. The way SRGMP inserted it on the show made me chuckle, but the story itself touched me.

More than contestants' excuses if we see this as SRGMP scripting their show (and it is scripted because Head prompts these stories out of everyone), then we may have a post worth doing.

svr said...

Funny!!

One more for the list: "Why don't you show [guru of choice] how you sing [song of choice]?"

Translation: You were dreadful! But there is one song you can sing well enough to get through the auditions, please demo that and show the visitors that we are not tone-deaf! For the sake of MY reputation, please!

Anonymous said...

Apprently the Behan Ki Shadi guy is a reasonably established Jagrata Singer in Delhi.

So The story for a TRP Gimmick !!!

Aspi said...

Nooo! You mean Aadesh wuz robbed?!

I'm glad Shankar Mahadevan narrated that story of how Master Saleem came on board Mast Kalandar. I think the guy rocks! He was just as good in that Money Hai To Honey Hai song also.

Sania said...

Does anyone know if the episodes in India have narrowed down the gharaanas yet? The last two SRGMP's I watched from the beginning, but I find it tedious. I'd much rather wait for the final 10, 12 whatever.

jitendra said...

except Shankar, no one else really *critiques* a singer. While the baal-ki-dukaan invariably goes, "i like the texture of your voice", the chinese-(implanted)baal-ki-dukaan has nothing better to say than "superb outstanding mindblowing fantastic".

And btw, you didnt critique the Head :). Although he is quite presentable, he sounds like a robot whose button is switched on whenever he needs to say something. From yalgaaring "Sangeet kaaa vishwayuddh" to "aaj aap eliminate ho gaye hain.. kaisa lag raha hai", he sounds like a copy-paster.

Aspi said...

sania, I think we might be at the stage where those sad, guru-less singers from the Eklavya gharana might be finding homes.

But we are still far away from last 10 or so.

jitendra, I can't say I'm disliking Head. He's the little bratty little brother who doesn't take up too much space. Thus he keeps things moving, occasionally provides relief and leaves the strutting to the judges.

I realize I might be describing Rajendra Nath here, but Head is much better looking.

Over Rated said...

what really scares me is the thought that what would happen if that thing on himesh's head mates with the thing on trump's head. it's gonna be the end of the world for sure. i hope the twain shall never meet.

also, is it me or does himesh look a lot like urmila matondkar in aspi's collage?

m said...

what's a jagrata singer?

Tarun was great but i did not like the whole poverty angle. They make a mockery of someone's economic conditions/disability and other sensitive issues in these shows. It disgusts me. Its like no one has a conscience anymore..

adesh was like i will get you sister married.. WTF? If i was one of the sister i would not tie rakhi on his hand this year. He made them sound like desperate spinsters! WTF?

ufff luckily udit narayan isn't a judge otherwise he could have said i will get you sister married.. i will ask your younger sister's hand in marriage for Aditya..you never know with these desi shows..

AkD said...

a jagrata singer is someone who sings religoius songs for the whole night during jagratas [where ppl stay awake all nite singing]...and yes, i remember how i cringed when adesh went to say..ill get ur sister married off...like wtf? baad mein pata chalega all dat was bull****....drama..i hate reality shows....!!

AkD said...

...and its Aspi's birthday today...Happy Birthday Aspi!!!!! have a great day and kick ass!!

neha vish said...

I really miss VOI-1 hyper excited line "Tumne oreeginaal se bhi batter gaya hai!"

m said...

happy 52nd birthday aspi! *wink*

j said...

Happy b'day Aspi. So what you doing today?

meena said...

Aspi, happy birthday!

Tania said...

Happy Birthday Aspi!

Aspi said...

Thanks everyone! And all you whippersnappers, I'm a year younger than SRK for the record.

neha, welcome! Amazingly enough Aadesh has calmed down since coming from VOI to SRGMP. I was not expecting that.

girlie girl said...

Happy Birthday Aspi!!! Have a fantastic birthday!!

anu g said...

Aspi,wish u a very happy birthday. Hope u have lots of fun and good times with Lady D and the Masters.
M, Thanks so so much for indirectly getting Aspi to let out his age. Yay! I am thrilled to know that Aspi is ..er, wiser than me:).Aspiji,janamdin mubarak!!

Kanan said...

Happy birthday, Aspi! :) Hope you're having a blast.

Priti said...

Aspi....many happy returns of the day! You have brought many a smile to many a face; keep going!
Have a blast!!! And do send us a slice of the b'day cake! :-)

Mind Rush said...

Arz kia hai...

Happy birthday drift saab,
Have some cake and kabaab.
You are younger by a year
That makes you 20 my dear
And thus too young for sharaab.