Yet a few things remain that snap me out of my travel trance and make me feel negative-like. These are my list of DONTS.
DONT: If you get in an airport shuttle and plan to grab an overhead rod, thus exposing your underarms to me, you'd better be wearing some deodarant. How to know you are smelling stale? Take a look at my face. If it is any paler than a tan, you're less than fresh. Please move to a sidebar grip - preferably opposite mine and at the far end of the vehicle.
DONT: Its best not to stuff yourself at dinner time. But if you do, avoid yawning or burping right over my nose when I'm sleeping in the Tansen posture with my head tilted to your side. I rarely wake up over a certain type of smell, but in this case I've found my body makes a spontaneous exception. Bonus markdown if you see me wake up with a start and smile and greet me with "Good morning!"
DONT: If you are planning to stuff something in the overhead compartment above my head, by all means do so. Take your time, stand on your tippy toes, whatever. But try not to jam your groin into my shoulder. This type of humping is uncalled for.
DONT: For god's sake, don't get all defensive about your country and try to slam it when explaining things to first-time visitors. Especially avoid brilliant observations like "You'd think the signs would be in English, no?" No.
DONT: If you plan to do cricket commentary, please don't be Laxman Sivaramakrishnan and spout repetitive and unhelpful observations in a faux English accent. If you are Arun Lal , avoid saying "nego-see-ate" - you can't ape just one word and pass off for a plummy British commentator. OK, this last one has nothing to do with travel, but I thought I'd slip it in there.
To stay positive about my travels I thought I'd also list some DOS.
DO: Do get up on the baggage weighing machine during check-in thinking the airline wants to weigh you and not your bags. I've seen this only once, but I'd love to be entertained by such a sight on every trip.
DO: If you are more than four seats away from me, do pick your nose or adjust your package with a flourish. It fascinates me endlessly to see how oblivious people can be when performing bodily housekeeping in public.
DO: Feel free to discuss just about anything. I'm always amazed at the propensity of people to devour global information, analyze it and redistribute it. And from the junta, I always get a welcome perspective that newspapers might dismiss as being too simplistic.
Note: Random pictures from my travels are not related to anyone in the post
- bollywoodjunkie is pissed at Drona
- girlie girl's biggest peeve: unpacking food after boarding
- Busy Bee might need a desi travel refresher course
- Hey that monkey in the pic looks familiar says Bee
- Kanan particularly hates the third DONT
- Bitterlemons adds four more DONTS
- girlie girl lists a gassy DONT
- Drift Memsaab's universal DONT: peeing on the bathroom floor
- j's four DONTS
- Mind Rush analyzes the Travel DONTS
- Pitu is in two minds about filling out disembarkation forms for others
- Asif Z is now in first class and stymied
- Nawaz S explains why (he's a weapon of mass flirtation)
- H&R is stymied by desi gastronomic discussions
- xoxangelxox will watch Kidnap for Imraan
- Kidnap is much better than the reviews suggests says seemab
- Cinderella on why she finds travel so interesting