Thursday, December 04, 2008

Wacky meri jaan: by Bootyshake Awasthi

Hello, my name is Bootyshake Awasthi. I am a dancer in Bollywood. I'm also on TV with a vengeance. But you might most likely remember me as Wacky Sawant's ex-baliye. You remember me? Say you do! Let me jog your memory: beady eyes, close cut hair, so muscular that Wacky was jealous of my boobs. Tremendous dancer, second to none. Yaad aya? I knew I'd get through to you.

Now that intro-shintro ho gaya, let's talk about why I am here. The writer of this blog invited me to share my innermost feelings with everyone.

"How many takkers does your web page get?" I asked him just like my agent had advised me to.

"About twenty people read my blog every week" Aspi said.

A chance to triple my fan base! I instantly agreed. After all, Bootyshake is not arrogant - he reaches out to the masses whenever he gets a chance.

But now that I'm here I don't want to talk about myself as an artist. After all, my dancing - for which I'm known as The Tiger with Twinkletoes in the industry - speaks for itself. No safaai or publicity needed here.

I'm here to talk about something far more important. My love for Wacky Sawant.

Now you might have seen Wacky on TV and some item numbers on film. You must admit she can be pretty annoying. Sure she has some big fans - even Aspi is a fan. But ask Aspi to live with her for half a day and watch him turn white as a sheet. You get my point?

Wacky may be my dil ki dhadkan, but she is a pain where the sun don't shine. And that's when she has make up on. When its off, she ain't exactly a basket of flowers to look at either.

I put up with her for many years, months even. I tolerated her diva-like behavior. Her temper tantrums. Her dramebaazi (remember what a baby she was when we lost Nach Baliye ? I've seen Salman Khan behave better!).

I was her shoulder when she needed crying. I asked for nothing in return. All I took was her phone address book. That's it - a small thing to get for being the wind beneath someone's wings, don't you think? Oh yes, I got her name tattoed. For some reason Wacky insisted it be on the wrist, but khair never mind.

Inspite all my love for her, Wacky dumped me. It was a sad day indeed. During a previous break up, she had slapped me. I had taken a TV crew to her house and won her back. But this time no one wrote a script for us - and so I was on my own.

Instead of getting depressed - I took life by the horns. I signed TV show after show. I even danced with Wacky's muh-boli dushman, Kashmira Shah. When Wacky ranted at me I said "Darling baby, even though she is a better dancer, I love you more!" For some reason Wacky ignored my sweetness and got even madder. Aag babula ho gayi woh!

I said "To hell with it all!" I went from success to success and party to party. My agent told me some famous dude called Guy Ritchie was so impressed with my technique that he decided to copy me after he got divorced.

Now because of all my fame, Wacky has been saying mean things about me. Jalti hai woh! You know what? Mein chup rahoonga.

Wacky, meri chhamakchhallo, you are being used. Someone is trying to become your Next Baliye and is filling your ears with bakwaas. Don't listen to him. Remember the good times we had? Dance practice? Watching Krazzy 4 together? Perfecting your breast jiggle? Making that list of 101 reasons Kashmira is such a loser?

You know in your heart that there can be only Ek Baliye and that is your Ex Baliye Bootyshake. But still if you want to bad mouth me in the press, go ahead. Bring it on bring it on bring on jaana ab to forever!

The Bootyshake-Wacky good times from The Drift Chronicles:
The Wacky-Bootyshake slap drama
Wacky meets her kind of men
Wacky fakes a friendship with her nemesis
Bootyshake and Wacky compete for chest attention
Bootyshake on Life with Wacky

3 comments:

Joules said...

Or he could just wait till Valentine's day and do another patch up episode with flowers, chocolate, teddy bear and the press in tow.

Kanan said...

Now that made me laugh out loud, Aspi. I needed that, I'm too depressed to read the war news all over the place.

I didn't even know about this dude until this post.. so thanks! Hope he gets over Wacky and moves on like our dear old Stylebhai. I heard he met up with ABJr and had a little pow-wow.

Anonymous said...

Rakhi sucks smelly dicks.Trust me,it's a fact.