Grudgeni: Why Aamir Khan's Ghajini is a major let down

Aamir’s grudge-thriller Ghajini – well on its way to becoming a blockbuster – will be discussed endlessly in the coming weeks, so instead I’ll restrict myself to a few salient observations.

Ghajini is a fairly garish mess of a movie

One of these days we’ll hit a mainstream filmmaker tasked with delivering a blockbuster who doesn’t try to keep audiences entertained by duplicating a music video. For now, we’ll have to make do with what we get. Ghajini has such low self esteem that every little moment is dramatized with camera angles, a blaring background soundtrack and post production shakes and shimmies. Stripped of Memento’s backward unspooling, which unites us with the protagonist’s torment, Ghajini doesn’t pause enough to help us understand the muddle that is in the mind of its central protagonist.

It’s inelegant

Seen through a very generous lens (let’s say I was director A. R. Murgadoss’ cousin or something), Ghajini is a fine masala retelling of the critically acclaimed commercial dud Memento. But it’s largely disappointing and I’m not complaining about the numerous holes where stuff happens inexplicably or fortuitously and characters behave in confounding ways – I wouldn’t go see a Bollywood movie expecting more than that. But without injecting any spoilers here, I’ll say that there are a number of problems that need to be solved in any script that have been solved in singularly inelegant ways.

Aamir is a disappointment

Aamir plays two very different characters in this movie: as the thoughtful business tycoon Sanjay Singhania, he mostly plays himself with a few puppy love stares thrown in. He’s appropriately entertaining here. As the traumatized ganju Sanjay, Aamir unleashes inner crazies during moments of acidic brutality. This is much fun to watch. But he gives his character a purposeful swagger and surety of intent which I thought were completely contradictory to a person who barely knows his place in the world. Sure, he pats himself down a few times and uses a quizzical expression to portray forgetfulness, but for the most part the way he plays ganju Sanjay is a misstep.

So is Asin (but its relative)

A large section of the pop media has already prostrated in front of Asin and hailed her as the next coming. So what is she like? Asin is drop dead gorgeous – carrying everything the movie stylists throw at her with ease and elegance. She’s awkward in her dance sequence, strutting rather than dancing and showing a surprising lack of grace. In the acting department she is very choppy. She's reasonably crackerjack when she plays a backslapping ditz whose heart of gold apparently outweighs her lack of ethics. There is one scene in which she depicts a cocktail of rage and helplessness really well. But in her key scene where she has to depict fear and panic, she is cringeworthy.

It’s a shame because her role is more than the customary window dressing. Fortunately for her, she is up against Jiah Khan , who - playing a medical student with a penchant for breaking out in a dance dhamaka - under performs in a high impact role by bringing absolutely no personality or verve to it.

It’s exotic by Indian standards

Ghajini has Memento’s basic framework but grossly simplifies the rest of it’s paraphernalia. Yet it issues a challenge to Bollywood moviegoers like few of its mass market predecessors. It’s a bold step to make a complicated movie which begins with the lead character on a murderous spree. The dhishoom dhishoom stuff is gritty, bone crunching and much fun to watch. A number of tricky shifts in the narration are handled without disorienting the audience.

Its redonkulosly gory!

A lot of blood flows in Ghajini – most of it unnecessarily if you ask me. Its one thing to depict violence to shock people out of their comfort zones. But I’ve always felt that depicting extreme violence to explain a character’s motivation (and help carry the story forward through nutty sequences like The Hero Who Survives Three Bullets But Still Punches Out Ten Guys Because He Is Just So Pissed) has always been an indicator of the lack of faith a director has in his story and actors.

I’m not the only one who thought so – when I did an informal poll of people in the audience they all mentioned the violence as one of the reasons they didn’t like the movie.

Perhaps encouraged by Aamir’s last kid-friendly flick, throngs of young ones were in the audience. A sensible parental guidance system of ratings in India is long overdue.

Childhood Pitaai

Just last week I was catching up with my favorite cousin Raveena Tandon. In a very compressed discussion we talked about how kids needed toughening. This is a long standing debate in our family. To almost everyone's dismay I don't whack my kids. Much tut-tutting ensues. Occasionally a verbal slingshot will be launched "Aspi has completely spoiled his kids! A whack once in a while will help your kid face the cruel world"

Somewhere in the discussion, Raveena reminded me of a couple of incidents that I had near forgotten about.

When Raveena was seven, she used to be a bit of a princess. She had a furious temper to match. Every day when she returned from school, she expected her Mum to be standing below their fourth floor apartment in Bandra to receive her. Raveena's mum, let's call her TigerMaasi, was (and is) a huge woman - both in personality and size. She had two voices - a mellifluous conversation voice and a window pane shattering bellow.

Well as it turned out one day TigerMaasi decided she would watch Raveena arrive from the window of her apartment instead of going down to get her. When Raveena found out a proper reception had not been arranged for her, she stopped in her tracks after dismounting from the school bus. Then she flung her lunch box on the ground, sending countless Cheeslets flying all over the place, and threw herself on the ground. To boot she started kicking and screaming, sending clouds of dust billowing in the air.

At this point TigerMaasi lived up to her name. She stomped down the stairs, her temper rising with each step. She yanked Raveena up by an elbow and issued two fearsome whacks to her butt. Raveena remembers being lifted up in the air and swinging like a pendulum from her elbow with each blow. Her butt aching and her eyes stinging with tears, Raveena quietly trudged up home and never threw a tantrum like that again.

A few years later, something else happened that shaped Raveena's relationship with selective childhood violence. Below the apartment, there was a bit of a lawn where all the society's kids would play every evening. Right in the middle of the lawn was a fountain. And as was the case back then, on particularly hot days, the kids would convert the fountain into an impromptu swimming pool and enjoy a dip or ten.

However, there was one obstacle in this merriment. The adjacent apartment building housed the society's bully - a motu kid bearing the name Chikoo. He was constantly hitting other children, spoiling any games they would play. He would be severe on girls, pulling their chotis and throwing dust on them. The fountain was Chikoo's favorite bullying ground.

One summer, when I was visiting Raveena, we both decided to dip in the fountain. A bunch of kids joined us. So did, much to our chagrin, Chikoo. And immediately the bully went to work - running into kids, telling others to leave and ruining any game we started. At one point I accidentally ran into Chikoo. Our man grabbed me and pushed me hard. I fell into the pool and hit my head on the side of the rim of the fountain. Some minor blood surged out. Being the baila (rough translation: sissy) of the family, I started crying.

At this point everyone froze. Chikoo guffawed loudly. And right there in the silence, we heard a huge bellow. We all looked up to see TigerMaasi filling up the frame of her window on the fourth floor. "Raveena!" she yelled "What are you standing there for?! See that broom on the side?" Raveena spotted the object being pointed out and nodded to her Mum. "That brat just hit your brother! Hit that boy on the head!" shouted TigerMaasi.

Years of tempering at TigerMaasi's hands had put Raveena on edge. In a flash she had picked up the broom and was banging Chikoo on the head with it.

We all stared, our mouths agape. Surely Raveena was dead meat now! But Raveena didn't stop and miraculously enough, Chikoo scrambled out of the pool and ran off to his apartment (with Raveena in tow availing every opportunity for a whack till the last possible moment I might add).

No one dared risk TigerMaasi's wrath and hence no complaint was lodged from the House of Chikoo. The bully never bullied anyone thereafter. In fact, he willingly enforced a restraining order on himself around Raveena. The fountain became a place of unfettered joy for the kids.

Often I'll argue that I had my fair share of whacks during my childhood. But I grew up to become a total darpok (translation: wimp). So you'd think slaps aren't a good way of toughening a child. And every single time Raveena will pull an incident like this out of her bag and say "Could we have done it any other way?"

I could say "There is always another way" but as I relearn the hustle and bustle of India as an adult and begin to understand the pace and complexity of life incrementally through trips back home, I honestly don't have a practical rebuttal.

The Drift Bollywood Music Entertainers of 2008

The quality of Indian films can be debated through the years, but if there is one things fans of Bollywood are sure about, it is that the music has always been great. Indian musicians have been exploring and learning all kinds of music across the diaspora. They've bought a lot of it to bear on Bollywood's traditional music scene. And in doing so, they are tearing up the rule book and charting new territory.

2008 was a great year for music. But there were some that entertained me more than others. Those CDs stayed either in or around my changer. Here are the Drift Entertainers of the Year (Bollywood Music Edition).

A. R. Rahman (Jodhaa Akbar, Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na, Ada, Yuvvraaj, Ghajini, Slumdog Millionaire)

By any standards, Rahman has had a prolific year. Judged by his own, its been a veritable deluge of music. This year two Rahman's seem to take shape before our very ears. One was an old-school Bollywood stylist - a sophisticated throwback to the music directors of yesteryear. His music here was dreamy, massive, almost epic. Sometimes it collapsed under its own weight (Yuvvraaj). Often it soared to great heights (Jodhaa Akbar).

But there was another Rahman - a composer of compact FM-ready confections - genuine melodies with smart production. And by tuning in to the needs of the commercial market, Rahman surprised us and scored at the cash registers.

First Rahman found the pulse of a nation with a jangly mid-tempo call to good cheer - Kabhi Kabhi Aditi and a beat-heavy farce Pappu Can't Dance from Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na. Both songs played a large part in making JTYJN one of the first genuine hits of the year.

Later, the same Rahman delivered a curious mix of songs for Ghajini - his collaboration with Aamir Khan. Ghajini has six tracks - they are wildly different compositions. Yet Rahman has integrated them into one single soundtrack that sounds coherent. On display again was his tendency to create a bellwether single (Javed Ali's buttery smooth Guzarish). Rahman mixed it up with a swirling dance anthem with a muted tribal feel (Shreya Ghoshal's Latoo), a power pop song (Suzanne's Aye Bachchu) and a Brat Pack composition (Behka).

Rahman also docked major international points by scoring the soundtrack to Slumdog Millionaire. If Slumdog can match its critical acclaim with box office success, Rahman will finally get the serious international attention he deserves.

Listen to the music of Jodhaa Akbar
Listen to the music of Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na
Listen to the music of Ada
Listen to the music of Ghajini
Listen to the music of Slumdog Millionaire

Shankar Mahadevan, Ehsaan Noorani, Loy Mendosa and Farhan Akhtar (The Music Team of Rock On!!)

Tasked with creating a hit soundtrack for a genre fast running out of steam in India (rock), music directors Shankar Mahadevan, Ehsaan Noorani and Loy Mendosa started by recruiting someone who had never recorded commercially before. Heck, Farhan Akhtar wasn't even known as a singer. To top it, they gave six of the nine tracks to him.

Four days in a studio yielded a soundtrack full of hook heavy, tightly composed tracks that captured a lost sense of fun by staying true to old fashioned rock structure. Against all odds, Farhan delivered focussed and raw vocal intensity. Most importantly, others also joined the party with their A-game: Suraj Jagan, Caralisa Monteiro and Dominque Cerejo recorded some of their best work on the CD.

The music of Rock On was a runaway hit - instantly igniting the rock scene in India. Scores of rock musicians dusted off their guitars. Clubs suddenly couldn't book enough rock gigs. The movie fed off that energy and met with box office success - pleasing mainstream audiences, converting skeptics and evoking (somewhat) envious eyerolls from the guardians of counter culture.

SEL had only one major release this year. But boy, did they make it count!

Listen to Rock On!!

Vishal & Shekhar (Tashan, De Taali, Bachna Ae Haseeno, Dostana and The Unforgettables Tour)

Epitomizing the new breed of music directors in India - fully aligned with the director's vision, armed with a rolodex of high quality musicians, willing to tear up old Bollywood mores - V-S delivered more hits this year than anyone else, save AR Rahman. In 2008, they fine tuned their style - a cleanly produced, melody driven sound with neatly constructed percussion. Yet they were able to span quite a range.

They matched Tashan's hyper-violent needs with a jagged pill of a soundtrack. They lightened the mood and deepened their beats on De Taali. On Bachna Ae Haseeno, they delivered a more rote soundtrack, but adorned with some killer songs (Khuda Jaane, Jog Mahi). They hobnobbed with the Bachchans on their Unforgettables tour. But V-S still had time to squeeze out a final soundtrack. On Dostana, they created a breezy set of catchy songs - delicate, soulful, energetic in short bursts.

Listen to the music of De Taali
Listen to the music of Tashan
Listen to the music of Bachna Ae Haseeno
Listen to the music of Dostana

Suzanne D'mello (Singh is Kinng, Kidnap, Drona, Golmaal Returns, Ghajini)

Forget Shreya Ghoshal's enroachment on Sunidhi Chauhan's territory - the new heir apparent of club tracks in Bollywood is Suzanne D'mello. And its happened so quietly, you could be forgiven for saying Suzanne who? (It probably doesn't help matters that Suzanne is often credited with or without her last name and sometimes under the pseudonym Suzie Q)

Regardless of the name she used, Suzanne's voice powered an impressive list of hits this year. She accompanied Labh Jhanjua on Singh Is Kingg's ubiquitous Jee Karda (nice rap, Suze). Singing for Pritam again, she delivered one of my favorite tracks of the year - Hey Ya (Kidnap), built on a ridiculously catchy R&B framework.

She Meow'd on Golmaal Returns, smoked her way through Na Dekho (Rubaru) and brought spunk and attitude to Rahman's Aye Bachchu (Ghajini). Suzanne has been singing in commercials for years and she's a veritable fixture in several studios. This was the year Bollywood was able to explore her fresh, sexy voice.

Listen to Jee Karda (Singh is Kinng) with Labh Jhanjua
Listen to Hey Ya (Kidnap)
Listen to  Khushi (Drona) with Shaan
Listen to Na Dekho (Rubaru)
Listen to Meeow (Golmaal Returns)
Listen to Aye Bachchu (Ghajini)

Nitz'N'Sony (Money Hai to Honey Hai)

Musically, a Govinda movie is to be laughed at - no, literally. The music is treated as a lark. But a pair of music directors who met while working in a hotel (Nitin was a Hotel Manager, Sony was a chef) came together to deliver such a wonderful sucker punch with the soundtrack to Money Hai to Honey Hai, that I still can't stop listening.

Full of seductive, inventive and alarmingly risky beats, MHTHH was irresistibly catchy. Nitin Arora and Sony Chandy (Nitz'N'Sony) used a delicious mix of talent that had never been brought together on a soundtrack (Harshdeep, Suraj Jagan, Kunal Ganjawala, Rekha Bhardwaj, Adnan Sami, Shruti Pathak, Daler Mehndi, Master Saleem, Sunidhi Chauhan, Shaan, Labh Jhanjua, Sivamani) and because they were willing to use voices instead of names, their tracks won big.

Listen to the music of Money Hai to Honey Hai

Sneha Khanwalker (Oye Lucky! Lucky Oye!)

Given an assignment to compose a Punjabi CD is sure to elicit groans from any music director. How do you take an overplayed genre and reinvent it? Surely all the mundiyas and mahis have been done to death and can't be reinterpreted.

But Sneha Khanwalker took a deep tour of the land and sat in on numerous grassroots singing jashans. She came back armed with ideas and composed a soundtrack so innovative, lilting and fresh that it took everyone by surprise. (More on Sneha's work in this excellent interview with Anita Iyer)

There are plenty of pleasures worth checking out on Sneha's CD - but start with the seductive beat of Superchor and the brilliant pacing on Hooriyan, then listen to the Clinton Cerejo arranged Punjabi reggae of Tu Raja Ki.

Listen to the music of Oye Lucky! Lucky Oye!

Iggy’s Story: So what is Production Design like? (Part II of II)

So everyone on the Drift knows Iggy Ahluwalia, right? How she fell into the craft of production design and ended up working on Anthony Kaun Hai? Here is Part 2 of her story in her own words. Iggy was also kind enough to share pictures from her personal on-set collection with us.

Production Design in India tends to get quite disorganized. I don't think the concept exists fully just yet.

On Anthony Kaun Hai, there was a (Set) Stylist & Art Director. Couple days before we left for the shoot in Thailand, the Art Director got malaria. She was supposed to construct two sets. I was asked if I could do it. I can do the aesthetics but in terms of architecture and pure sizing, I didn’t have the background. So I said no.

AKH was to be shot on sets and location entirely in Thaliand. We had a two month schedule. The producer on my request, did take an Art Director (of sorts) to Thailand for the Film. He was an old timer and refused to listen to me...I was an upstart in this field but I had plenty of ideas that I needed his help to execute.

This man was very difficult to work with and would contradict everything I would try to do...I don't think he had evolved since Vaastav (which he worked on.) Contemporary Design was just not up his alley. Also I think language proved to be a big barrier for him (in Thailand, English is the only language we could communicate in. That and a daily dose of dumb charades)

We kept him for two weeks and made the best of it. Then we had to ship him back. He was sent back after the first schedule in Krabi, Thailand. (He still got credit as Art Director)

Now the producers asked me to play Art Director as well. We brought on a construction team to construct the sets for me.

AKH turned out OK work-wise. But in the sense of storytelling the film didn’t fall in together. Not much I could have done there. The upside was that I got to work with Hemant Chaturvedi and travel to Thailand and Cambodia after wrapping up the shoot.

At least in AKH we had some money to spend.

When I did my second feature, Rubaru (Percept Pictures), we had very little money. The producer wanted to shoot the film in Italy. We planned everything for Italy. But later the producer realized Italy would be far too expensive. So in a week’s time we changed the location to Thailand.

All our purchases had been made and sized for Italy. We had to adapt to the available spaces in Thailand. Everything was different - every space and dimension. We had a very limited budget, so we had to improvise as best as we could.

Unfortunately Production Designers (or anyone for that matter) can’t pull a rabbit out of a hat! The way Rubaru turned out was a visual disappointment for me. Even though the team was great fun to work with there isn't much that we could do given the budgets, lack of equipment, crew and the limited shoot time.

Take the costume designer for instance he didn’t even show up for the shoot! This chaotic way is pretty much how smaller films in India get made.

So what is Production Design then? It is basically the way a film looks and feels. It encompasses Art, Costumes, even Color toning & correction. Our job is to seamlessly combine these and create an aesthetic for the film.

Let’s say a film is set in the 1970s. Every aspect of its authenticity is the responsibility of the Production Designer. You supervise everything. Sure there are Art Designers and Set Decorators. But the Production Designer coordinates everything, acts like a mentor where necessary and makes sure everything gels together.

In this respect, it’s always better to work with people who understand the way you tend to work and also understand what is required of them. With new people you have to tutor them into doing things. Often people are just not up to taking correction easily.

Of all the people on the set, the Production Designer works very closely with the Director and the Cameraman. You are executing out the Director’s vision. The Cameraman is responsible for the technique, the look of the film and how its being shot.

Since the majority of Production Designers in India are not professionals, they generally tend not to understand camera, lensing, and colors. A Cameraman is technically superior to a Production Designer... but to get a well executed aesthetic film there needs to be a seamless teamwork. In many areas what needs to be teamwork ends up being a one sided job depending on who's got the know how and the Boss's ear.

Let’s talk about how Production Design works. There are three people in India who are considered pioneers for Production Design.

There is Suzanne Caplan Merwanji. She pretty much got the concept of Production Design into India. She’s done films like Kama Sutra, Dil Chahta Hai and Snip! (a personal favorite). There is Sumit Basu and finally, Rachna and Murali who brought the concept into advertising via their design studio XHeight.

There are a lot of younger people in films these days that take on the mantle of production design and are doing a fairly good job of it (Ayesha Punwani, Meghna and Mustafa).

In advertising you to have work with colors and costumes because they might already be specified. For example, we did four pieces for an international brand in Pakistan called Wateen whose brand colors are green. All four films had different shades of green that I had to work with.

Of late our budgets have started shrinking because everyone is now aware of all the (line item) costs. Even clients are savvy about this now. So everyone squeezes you on the price. You have to do the best you can. Often you have to find people who can double up on things and do multiple duties. You hobble along the best you can.

But while I do all this, I am writing a new script which I hope to direct in a couple of years.
Design, Art, Production is all fine...all tools of the same game which I hope to understand while I prepare myself for the big leap...Direction!

Aamir and Zayed on Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2009

What with the strike and everything - none of the details of which I seem to be able to find anywhere - its been a while since we watched a new SRGMP episode.

But after a few weeks, and I'll admit the break was a good one, SRGMP returned with not one but two stars on back to back episodes. One was promoting a movie and the other was promoting khuda jaane what.

I've never been a fan of Zayed Khan - the only time I've watched him was when I went to see SRK in Main Hoon Na years ago. But I must say his appearance on SRGMP completely made a fan out of me. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Zayed showed up on the Arabic special episode. This is a rather smart turn by the SRGMP producers because it gives them a chance to reuse all the props from the Qawwali, I mean Sufi episode.

Honking wine pots? Check! Huge golden balls with pointy bits sticking up? Check! Belly Dancer? Check! Harem Pants? Check! Half melted candles? Check! But this is entirely the greatness of my beloved show that the producers could have, but chose not to let their creativity stop there.

Also joining these props was a sand pit which replaced the usual stage. If that didn't take your breath away, a flat screen TV behind the singers constantly depicted videos of camels plodding in the desert. What do they say about cheesiness begets cheesy goodness? Towards the end Zayed picked up the mike and made some sadela joke about how those were shots of Bollywood actors crossing the desert to go to Oman to act in Asma's movie.

Speaking of Asma, SRGMP pretty much let that girl lose on the show. She co-hosted with Head, which is another way of saying she was on display for making fun of for an extended period of time. Why this special treatment? Khuda jaane! Probably this was the channel's way of making nice for the terrible roasting Asma had to endure a few weeks ago at the hands of her fellow contestants. Or perhaps SRGMP doesn't want to lose its Oman audience.

Back to the reason why I really liked Zayed. At one point Yashita Yashpal, who I should add with much fondness is continuing her love affair with wacky outfits, asked Zayed to come on stage and dance with her. And what does Zayed do? He bounds up on stage and immediately starts executing a Subhash Ghai type overwrought dance performance. There were ghutne-tek poses, shoulder shimmies and hip thrusts. Arms were thrown about. Much hopping ensued. Thus Zayed deftly promoted his upcoming Ghai movie and looked beyond his carefully constructed cool image to embrace his inner Bollywood junkie. How can anyone not love that?

In the very next episode, Aamir Khan showed up wearing a rumpled black jacket over jeans and a smart white shirt. Surely he was there to promote Ghajini? Nope, not a word from him about the movie. Instead we all had to wallow in Tare Zameen Par wimpiness for an hour. More discussions of adhuraness pervaded the mahol. At one point after Debojit had rendered the raundu song of the millenium - Maa - Aadesh Srivastava was so moved that he ordered Aamir and Shankar Mahadevan on stage. Then he saluted them. No, like with a proper military salute. What did Ma tell me about not acting out when drunk or moved? It always leads to regret later.

For a guy who is the most sought after actor in Bollywood, Aamir is fairly unassuming and business-like. And you can tell because he doesn't do anything that is supposed to look cute just because he is a superstar. Thankfully, he doesn't do any one ghisa pita thing or dialog to "entertain" us. (Hey Akshay, you listening? Time to ditch that laugh. Kareena, ditto with that "Bhatinda ki Sikhni" dialog) Instead he made some loose, mildly engaging jokes and kept the show going.

He was enough of a sport to sing Aati Kya Khandala on stage. He snuffed out a machees with his tongue. He endured some crazy ass bananas dancing by Debojit Dutta on stage. Later Aadesh brought out a drum kit which Aamir shakily played over Pappa Kehte Hai.

Reading Mumbai

It's been days since the Mumbai attacks but the rate at which I feel compelled to track the stories hasn't abated for some reason. Call it morbid fascination, the need for closure, whatever. Twitter #Mumbai has been my best friend this past week. I track and read numerous tweets whenever I get a moment to spare.

Among everything I've read, the stories that left the most impact on me were the ones that either horrified me or touched me in a very visceral way. (Nothing upset me more than reading about the torture handed out to the victims by the terrorists or that the commandos returned the treatment a few days later.)

Part of captured terrorist Amir Qasab's story which gave me insight into just how much the Lashkar hates its own people
"My father sells dahi wada on a stall in Lahore and we did not even get enough food to eat from his earnings. I was promised that once they knew that I was successful in my operation, they would give Rs 1,50,000 [almost USD 4,000] to my family,"

Michael Pollack's dinner in Mumbai goes south in a very bad way
"The terrorists repeatedly slammed against our door. We heard them ask the chef in Hindi if anyone was inside the office. He responded calmly: 'No one is in there. It's empty.' That is the second time the Taj staff saved our lives."

Anosh Irani, who I believe has a great Indian novel in him somewhere, relives his connection with the Taj
"I essentially grew up in the hotel. And I would have been there on Wednesday night, browsing in its bookshop, and at the Leopold Cafe nearby, if it were not for the last-minute distraction of a soccer match in my neighborhood."

Ashish Chowdhry narrates how his world has crumbled
"If there is anything that can hold me together now and not let me crumble fully, are the two small innocent lives who in a matter of seconds lost the two people who were their world. Who only waited not understanding why their parents haven't returned from dinner yet."

The Daily Show's John Stewart and John Oliver put together this segment which captures a terrific sense of rage and helplessness
The almost imperceptible flaw in the strategy of these industrial strength douchebags: "We hate and kill everything you stand for. Join us!"

Wacky meri jaan: by Bootyshake Awasthi

Hello, my name is Bootyshake Awasthi. I am a dancer in Bollywood. I'm also on TV with a vengeance. But you might most likely remember me as Wacky Sawant's ex-baliye. You remember me? Say you do! Let me jog your memory: beady eyes, close cut hair, so muscular that Wacky was jealous of my boobs. Tremendous dancer, second to none. Yaad aya? I knew I'd get through to you.

Now that intro-shintro ho gaya, let's talk about why I am here. The writer of this blog invited me to share my innermost feelings with everyone.

"How many takkers does your web page get?" I asked him just like my agent had advised me to.

"About twenty people read my blog every week" Aspi said.

A chance to triple my fan base! I instantly agreed. After all, Bootyshake is not arrogant - he reaches out to the masses whenever he gets a chance.

But now that I'm here I don't want to talk about myself as an artist. After all, my dancing - for which I'm known as The Tiger with Twinkletoes in the industry - speaks for itself. No safaai or publicity needed here.

I'm here to talk about something far more important. My love for Wacky Sawant.

Now you might have seen Wacky on TV and some item numbers on film. You must admit she can be pretty annoying. Sure she has some big fans - even Aspi is a fan. But ask Aspi to live with her for half a day and watch him turn white as a sheet. You get my point?

Wacky may be my dil ki dhadkan, but she is a pain where the sun don't shine. And that's when she has make up on. When its off, she ain't exactly a basket of flowers to look at either.

I put up with her for many years, months even. I tolerated her diva-like behavior. Her temper tantrums. Her dramebaazi (remember what a baby she was when we lost Nach Baliye ? I've seen Salman Khan behave better!).

I was her shoulder when she needed crying. I asked for nothing in return. All I took was her phone address book. That's it - a small thing to get for being the wind beneath someone's wings, don't you think? Oh yes, I got her name tattoed. For some reason Wacky insisted it be on the wrist, but khair never mind.

Inspite all my love for her, Wacky dumped me. It was a sad day indeed. During a previous break up, she had slapped me. I had taken a TV crew to her house and won her back. But this time no one wrote a script for us - and so I was on my own.

Instead of getting depressed - I took life by the horns. I signed TV show after show. I even danced with Wacky's muh-boli dushman, Kashmira Shah. When Wacky ranted at me I said "Darling baby, even though she is a better dancer, I love you more!" For some reason Wacky ignored my sweetness and got even madder. Aag babula ho gayi woh!

I said "To hell with it all!" I went from success to success and party to party. My agent told me some famous dude called Guy Ritchie was so impressed with my technique that he decided to copy me after he got divorced.

Now because of all my fame, Wacky has been saying mean things about me. Jalti hai woh! You know what? Mein chup rahoonga.

Wacky, meri chhamakchhallo, you are being used. Someone is trying to become your Next Baliye and is filling your ears with bakwaas. Don't listen to him. Remember the good times we had? Dance practice? Watching Krazzy 4 together? Perfecting your breast jiggle? Making that list of 101 reasons Kashmira is such a loser?

You know in your heart that there can be only Ek Baliye and that is your Ex Baliye Bootyshake. But still if you want to bad mouth me in the press, go ahead. Bring it on bring it on bring on jaana ab to forever!

The Bootyshake-Wacky good times from The Drift Chronicles:
The Wacky-Bootyshake slap drama
Wacky meets her kind of men
Wacky fakes a friendship with her nemesis
Bootyshake and Wacky compete for chest attention
Bootyshake on Life with Wacky