Tuesday, February 17, 2009

More lawsuits for Starlook's Billu!

Poor Starlook Khan. He can't smirk without getting sued these days. Just a week or so ago the Hairdressers Association of Mumbai (HAM) objected to Starlook using the word Barber in the title of his new film Billu Barber . Why, its insulting! they opined.

Being the consummate public relations professional that he is, Starlook immediately changed the name of his movie from the proposed "Billu Hairdresser" to just Billu and invited the hajaams over for a cup of cutting chai and a look-see at the new flick. Free of charge.

But now a new lawsuit! Areeobilva of Badayun, UP has filed a lawsuit in the Mumbai High Court against Billu stating that the use of the name Billu portrays people named Billu as simpletons.

"When I was 16 my mother sat me down and told me: beta, it is time you knew. Your name isn't Aree o Bilva like everyone calls you. Its actually Billu."

Areeobilva, who will officially change his name to Billu in March continued: "I love my name. I don't want it to be made fun of on posters all across town!" Although the movie won't be released in Badayun, Areeobilva says he visits Mumbai often and his sentiments get hurt constantly.

When Starlook heard of this, he rolled his eyes and said: "My need to be loved dictates that I don't want anyone to be offended with my film. Or at least that's what my shrink says. But I'm running out of names. Hence I have decided to call my film Hmmph! Please all go see Hmmph! Its a sure fire family entertainer"

But no sooner had Starlook tided this crisis over when a new bush fire ignited. The Constipated Organization of the Residents of Kurla (CORK) filed a lawsuit with the High Court. Their spokesman Titus Tarapore told Aspi's Drift in an exclusive that the title Hmmph! demeaned all constipated people.

"Constipation is a serious ailment" Titus notified me "6 in 10 Indians suffer from it! We expect the number to rise to as much as 8 since Dance India Dance is now on TV. Its not something you make fun of like this. We will fight Starlook. Who does he think he is, making fun of people with a poopy problem!"

When I tried to contact him, Starlook declined a phone conversation. But he sent me an SMS instead: "Tell Titus to put a cork in it"

32 comments:

Pitu said...

HAHAHAHA. What are you drinking these days Aspi? Oh, and pls don't sue me :D

Anonymous said...

you are so right Pitu, what are you drinking these day Aspi? This is quite a laugh early in the morning, actually might help those people with Hmmmp! they can now say AHHH! without the 'yopliat fiber one'.

musical said...

:-D, :-D, :-D.

Anonymous said...

That was Hilarious thanbks so much for the good laugh...

Lin said...

Pretty damn funny, Aspi.

P.S. I just wanted to tell you.

Back before i talked about how MusicIndiaoOnline wasn't working for me. It works with IE but not with the latest Firefox, which I always use unless instances like this come up.

Smashits and Raaga remain the same as before even with IE.

sarah said...

My cat's name is Billo. I'm worried now that I'm going to be sued...

Aspi said...

I just got a letter from someone in Kurla and the makers of Dulcolax. They are both suing me.

Aspi said...

Lin, thanks for the update. I checked MIO and ended up reading that Javed Akhtar turned down an offer to write the songs for Kuch Kuch Hota Hai because he found that phrase to be too vulgar.

Interesting...

Anonymous said...

didn't the people from Parel call you, its the castor oil people, they are going to get you now, uunko taail lagata ho..

Aspi said...

To recycle a Billu joke: "Tel lene gaye woh"

Anonymous said...

aap ka saar ke malaish hee hona wali haa! bachaka rahna

maxdavinci said...

wah wah sirjee back to form!

i likey!

musical said...

Aspi, it is soooooooo hard to believe that you didn't about why Mr. Akhtar turned down KKHH :). I always thought that you were the fountain of movie gyan.

Pitu said...

Dude, you cannot say 'Tel lene gaye woh', you're a Parsi! You must be sophisticated, cool and dignified! And Dulcolax reminded me of a really scatological conversation we had at home.

Me: Is the doggy un-constipated now?

Ajit: Er...

Me: Coz you know earlier her poopy was like chocolate bonbons.

Ajit: Yeah, now it's like.... caramel?

Bwahahaa. I know we're disgusting :-D

Mind Rush said...

Freudian theory sez that anal-retentive people seek control and perfection...kinda fits the CORKs, huh?

Dawaiwala from Kurla said...

For a Pharmacologist Dulcolax is a great wakeup call as it acts 7hrs after ingestion.
Call Dulcolax as a wakeup Pill if you wish !

MeiYaNG CHaNG said...

Oh My GAWD !!!!

Amey said...

Cork in constipation? That's cruel.

Why not leave the name blankon posters and call it "Shahrukh Khan's film"? :D

Aspi said...

Meiyang, welcome! As a commenter and everything.

Amey, I like that idea. That's what it is as far as marketing goes.

Heard something interesting about the buzz on its production design. Let's see if we can get Iggy to tell us more :)

Ex-SkD said...

LOLLLL...hillariouS Aspi! You r back wid a bangg..:P

Aspi said...

Wow, now I feel like a Bollywood thespian because I have my very own comeback!

Anonymous said...

Yeah way to go!! Just the come back is without the bangs, you know the ones that the barber needs to trim..

girlie girl said...

HAHAHAHAH!! That was priceless!! I knew i could count on you when i need a laugh!

Teddy said...

Breaking news:

A group of very annoyed cats, all named Billu, led a morcha to the home of Starlook Khan. They alleged that since Billu Hajaa...hairdresser, I mean, has been released, they have suffered a loss of dignity.

The cats expressed their indignation by miaowing loudly outside Mr. Khan's door, and using his porch to stage a massive Nap-in. Some militant cats have managed to gain access to the Khan home, and have coughed up hairballs and vomited half-digested mice all over some priceless persian rugs.

Billu, a spokesperson- er- spokescat for the group, vowed to continue the campaign until Mr. Khan apologises publicly, and promises to pay damages to all Billu cats.

After a hurried discussion with other cats, Billu added that the cats would settle for a payment of fresh fish daily for the next six months, in lieu of any cash amount.

Mind Rush said...

Chang,
I am a huge Indian Idol fan and really rooted for you last season. You have an awesome sense of humor and you and Hussain make a great pair!
...Dentist, singer, performer, next..?

Over Rated said...

Comeback? Dude .. when didya ever go away? ....

This post is howlarious .... (I'm sorry .. I hate when people use this word .. but somehow this occasion calls for it) .... and the "Some of my best friends are barbers .. " was just bloody brilliant!!

Lin said...

Teddy, great stuff, man.

Great stuff.

Aspi said...

I agree with Lin. Teddy this is your comeback!

Cinderella said...

hahahaha...lovely:)

terence L said...

i am so hot that all the girls love me but im a bit girly, what to do, na?

Kanan said...

LMAO!

This is too much...

Happy Friday! :D

Terence L said...

Hai kanan, tumhey to mujhe maar daala. Can you do splits my jaan?

Your heart,
Terence L.