Poor Starlook Khan. He can't smirk without getting sued these days. Just a week or so ago the Hairdressers Association of Mumbai (HAM) objected to Starlook using the word Barber in the title of his new film Billu Barber . Why, its insulting! they opined.
Being the consummate public relations professional that he is, Starlook immediately changed the name of his movie from the proposed "Billu Hairdresser" to just Billu and invited the hajaams over for a cup of cutting chai and a look-see at the new flick. Free of charge.
But now a new lawsuit! Areeobilva of Badayun, UP has filed a lawsuit in the Mumbai High Court against Billu stating that the use of the name Billu portrays people named Billu as simpletons.
"When I was 16 my mother sat me down and told me: beta, it is time you knew. Your name isn't Aree o Bilva like everyone calls you. Its actually Billu."
Areeobilva, who will officially change his name to Billu in March continued: "I love my name. I don't want it to be made fun of on posters all across town!" Although the movie won't be released in Badayun, Areeobilva says he visits Mumbai often and his sentiments get hurt constantly.
When Starlook heard of this, he rolled his eyes and said: "My need to be loved dictates that I don't want anyone to be offended with my film. Or at least that's what my shrink says. But I'm running out of names. Hence I have decided to call my film Hmmph! Please all go see Hmmph! Its a sure fire family entertainer"
But no sooner had Starlook tided this crisis over when a new bush fire ignited. The Constipated Organization of the Residents of Kurla (CORK) filed a lawsuit with the High Court. Their spokesman Titus Tarapore told Aspi's Drift in an exclusive that the title Hmmph! demeaned all constipated people.
"Constipation is a serious ailment" Titus notified me "6 in 10 Indians suffer from it! We expect the number to rise to as much as 8 since Dance India Dance is now on TV. Its not something you make fun of like this. We will fight Starlook. Who does he think he is, making fun of people with a poopy problem!"
When I tried to contact him, Starlook declined a phone conversation. But he sent me an SMS instead: "Tell Titus to put a cork in it"