Every Bollywood release - be it music, movies or awards shows - is accompanied by an elaborate press junket. In these press meet and greets, a number of inane questions are asked. The poorly prepared stars provide equally inane answers. The really smart stars try for a bit to give well thought out answers, realize its all futile and go back to the inane posturing.
A number of standard questions even have their standard answers. And these have all become such clichés, that the standard answers even have standard hidden meanings!
It's about time someone documented the interpretations behind the most popular bogus statements in Bollywood. Think of it as a guide to help you understand what someone might really be saying.
Cliché: Thank you, I look young because of my strict diet regimen and daily yoga routine!
The real McCoy: That Botox treatment worked out really well didn't it?
Cliché: I don't mind showing skin, but only if it is NOT cheap and vulgar!
The real McCoy: Or if opportunity is involved. Then even Rajesh Khanna pouncing on me is acceptable.
Cliché: I don't mind kissing on screen, but only if its required by the script!
The real McCoy: Yes, my last ten on-screen kisses were right there in the script and said "Required"
Cliché: I compete only with myself!
The real McCoy: Otherwise I'd be losing out all the time
Cliché: I have no problems working with Shahrukh Khan!
The real McCoy: But my boyfriend does
Cliché: Even though my role is small, its a really important one!
The real McCoy: Who am I kidding?! The only small, important roles in Bollywood are played by bikinis.
Cliché: [Insert name here] is a very organized director!
The real McCoy: He expected me to show up on the sets ON TIME!
Cliché: [Insert name here] and I are like sisters!
The real McCoy: We now have open cat fights like sisters instead of stabbing each other in the back like acquantainces
Cliché: I am taking a break!
The real McCoy: No one has offered me a film in the last six months
Cliché: I am so excited to be working in Tamil films for a change!
The real McCoy: Well, its better than taking a break, no?
Cliché: I am playing a very different role in this film - that of a stuntman!
The real McCoy: Although its a stunt man who chases skirts and does pretty much the same things I did as a club owner in my previous hit
Cliché: My movie is a full-on entertainer, but with a hatke theme
The real McCoy: Right, I play a lawyer instead of a college student - hatke no?
Cliché: My performance has been appreciated by a lot of people!
The real McCoy: I am so grateful to my family members, my close friends and my chamchaas for appreciating that stinker
Cliché: What's Aspi's Drift? Is that a new flavor of ice cream?
The real McCoy: Man, I hope he doesn't watch my new TV show and write about it. I've been checking every week until the season is over!