There are two things about Kambakkht Ishq that you need to know.
First, avoid taking your kids to this movie. Not because of the sex and violence - both of which are quite comical and nothing that would make Disney channel regulars bat an eyelid. But because most of us have spent so much time teaching our kids about gender equality. Why turn the clock back and do untold damage to those young minds? So, avoid for kids.
Kambakkht Ishq is all about men. Don't believe me? Listen to this.
Actor: Akshay Kumar
Role: MAN slut
Akshay Kumar in a reprise of his role in Heyy Babyy - is a man slut. He sleeps around constantly. He hits on almost anyone in a skirt - unless that skirt happens to be worn by a big, black woman. He pretty much hates the opposite sex - using them as self serving objects to power his machismo. Early on in the movie, he is confronted by two girlfriends. From the sidelines Brandon Routh wonders "how will he get out of this one?". Akki's chamchaa answers "Practice!"
Akshay strikes up a near murderous relationship with Kareena but at a crucial moment has a change of heart. This change of heart is brought on by Kareena snuggling up to him in a little girl voice and seeking assurance that he is not 'like other men'. Yes, scores of other women dumped by Akshay couldn't figure out that all you had to do to tame the man was to act underage.
Actor: Kareena Kapoor
Role: MAN hater
Kareena hates men - ostensibly because of the divorces of her mum and sister, for whom she blames the men. She is a surgeon in making, paying for her med school by modelling on the side. At one point she slices and dices Akshay Kumar's lower intestines. This scene was much fun to watch although it could have been better if Akshay's lines - which were meant to be jokes - had been cut.
But with two major careers at hand, Kareena's taming and subsequent happiness requires a man. A truly worthy one at that. Who could that be? You guessed it! Man Slut!
Actor: Amrita Arora
Role: MANtally challenged
Amrita doesn't know much about men - although the same could be said about her in other areas of life. She takes advice from Kareena and withholds sex from her new husband. Later, when she discovers her husband with his pants down at a major makeout club, she inexplicably tapes almost all the objects in her house with blue plumber's tape. Don't ask!
Actor: Denise Richards
Denise Richards - the "mega" Hollywood star in this movie - plays a couger. And I say this only because she looks more trashed out than Akki himself. She strikes up a relationship with Man slut and goes shopping with him - which has since resulted in real life admiration. But because she spends most of her time sleeping with Akki - which as anyone will tell you is terribly inappropriate behavior for women - she has to dumped. At the altar, no less.
Kareena and Akki both spend some time making kachra of her in the movie. This, I admit, was fun to watch.
Actor: Sylvestor Stallone
Role: Man mower
Stallone's face in this movie looks like its been constructed from billowy cotton balls. He hands an award to Akki for Stuntman of the year - prompting a hysterical 'small town boy makes good' speech from Akshay. Later he beats up a bunch of really bad goondas who just happen to be all black men. First he pins them to a wall by pushing a car against them with his bare hands. Then he rips out a parking meter and swings it around. This earns him the undying gratitude of Kareena and Amrita.
Actor: Kiron Kher
Role: Man search engine
Kiron plays Kareena's aunt - who like any good aunt - is constantly trying to get Kareena hitched. At a crucial juncture Kiron reveals that Kareena's parents' broken relationship was her mum's fault. After some delicious overacting, Kiron delivers this bit of information out of the blue and in a trembling dialog. This, I also admit, was much fun to watch and elicited many chuckles from me.
Which brings me to the second thing you need to know. There are only two ways to really sit through this movie: consume lots of alcohol beforehand or have a friend chain you to the seat.