Saturday, September 05, 2009

The (new) rules of PDH (Public Display of Hygiene)

This being a post of rather indelicate nature - I implore readers of sensitivity to stay away. Please desist from reading. Why am I even writing it to begin with? Because I'm hoping a few of the people I have been unfortunate enough to have as passengers on flights will read this and take note. Besides, someone has to say it.

I'd like to start by mentioning that it's improper in public to insert your handkerchief into your body crevices. As an example, say you have a big blue handkerchief. You roll one end of it into a peak and then twist it in your ears to try and clean them. At this point it is important to remember two things: (1) you are probably cleaning nothing. In fact any doctor will tell you: all you are accomplishing is pushing the wax further down your ear and just as important: (2) hello, I'm sitting RIGHT next to you. When I see you do this - as a fellow passenger - I think less of you.

I think even less of you when you take that same handkerchief, unroll the corner and empty your nose into it. With a noise loud enough to wake the dead. Several times. You end the whole exercise with a satisfied sigh. Everyone turns to stare, thinking its me since I'm usually in the seat guarding the aisle. Then you neatly fold the handkerchief like nothing happened and place it in the middle of your lap. Surely you realize - at that point - that parked right next to your modesty are enough bacteria to keel Satan over.

Moving on: its also improper to share your gastric troubles with fellow passengers. Come on now, you know who you are. You decide to sleep in your seat and pull your blanket all around you. Then - hells bells, how to say this delicately - you pass gas. This apparently goes on for a quite a while and sometimes fellow passengers are even impervious to it. But then you decide to turn and badlo your karvat. This moves that blanket and lets all the foul air lose in the cabin. Dirty looks and exaggerated waves of my reading material in front of my nose don't seem to work as a hint.

I'd also like to mention that its illogic to assume that I don't realize what you are up to just because you shut your eyes really tight and pretend to be fast asleep. As a matter of fact, I know exactly what you've done. You - also,sir - I think less of.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good one Aspi, especially the gas passing. For some reason they do not make big deal of it, not realizing that other people may be uncomfortable by the smell, especially in an airplane.Do they know simple tablet like Beano can help a lot.

woot said...

hilarious and yet soo true.

musical said...

Sorry you had to go through this.....
None of the following is about hygeine, but public etiquette nonetheless.
I have had co-passangers who were complaining about everything, especially food. I mean, come on, this is airline food, not a five star restaurant. Be thankful that food is included. Another time, one guy decided to snore throughout the journey, this even as i was struggling with my headaches and fever! Oh, and i don't think too highly of people who pass out after drinking!

Mind Rush said...

LOL!! Laughed so loud that the neighbors might have called the cops...
Hope your flight back from Desh is without "displays."

Aspi said...

Had a gr8 co-passenger on the way back Mind Rush.

musical, you should try pinching snoring passengers' nose and holding it for a while. It'll wake them up - they'll be too confused from the lack of oxygen to figure out what just happened. They'll probably stop snoring. But most importantly, it's a lot of fun!

m said...

aspi, i need help with something you are good with technical stuff... when i was a weird preteen, i was a member of some mailing list and i took part in like email discussion that were very juvenile (very embarassing in retrospect)... now whenever i google my name (full name megan ***) (i aint gonna say my surname :P ) anyhoo those emails come up as results.. WTF?? like 10 years later?????

WTF they were somehow archived and all of them are googalable..and is on some geocities website (all emails that were ever sent etc are in there) I am so embarassed... and the contact on that website - well the email address isn't valid anymore

like there are only 4 results for my full name one of review of one of the exhibitions i did, and one is my artist profile on a local art website and then like the geocities emails, if you expand it then there are like 10 more.. OMG

now how can i get it removed from google?

i recently applied for an overseas artist residency, they are so gonna google my name, and anyone i deal with, work with, anyone interested in my work etc will see them, i am FUBARed..
any potential boyfriends will run away after googling my name.. feck i am screwed, i mention it to people i know, first thing they'll do is google my name and then laugh..

m said...

when i wanna know about someone i google their name straight away, i am sure others do the same about me and my name isn't exactly smith or jones or chen or anything that is common... feck...

the website says "pls email blah blah for feedback about the site" but the email gets bounced back.. how can i get it deleted from google, any ideas?

Aspi said...

Sure thing. Sent you an email on yahoo.

girlie girl said...

hahah! Hillarious post! I completely agree with your complaints! The worst is when people pass gas while in their seats, and then go to the bathroom and stink that puppy up! I mean, if I can't breath next to you, do I have to wait till I land after an 8 hr flight to go pee!?!? Ridiculous!

Aspi said...

Don't get me started on the bathrooms. On the other hand they can be entertaining. Had a guy who went in without locking while I was waiting. Much fun watching everyone's expression as they opened the door to go in.

girlie girl said...

Also, when the bathroom door is locked, and someone standing there says "there is someone in there" people still feel the need to check for themselves so they try to turn the knob or push the door! Kills me everytime!

Aspi said...

Heh heh, right. My whole adventure started when someone went in and didn't lock the door. Next person comes in. I warn them. They smile and point to the "Vacant" sign like I'm stupid. I warn them again. They smile more and go for it. At that point I give up. Soon its my turn to smile.

meena said...

several people I know go into a no intake and no output mode while traveling:)

Aspi said...

Unfortunately my mother-in-law's awesome last day cooking precludes that possibility of admirable discipline.

memsaab said...

LOL!!!! I once sat next to a man on a bus who kept spitting into a brown paper bag. Then, he left it on the seat next to me when he got off. I've never forgotten (or forgiven) him, but not because I thought highly of him!