Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Aamir Khan and Akshay Kumar at the Box Office: Karma runs on hair!

A long time ago, I noticed a strange co-relation between the box office performance of two of our biggest stars - Aamir Khan and Akhsay Kumar - and the length of their hair. (Original post: Aamir and Akshay at the Box Office: A hair raising trend)

I predicted the box office performance of their upcoming movies purely on the basis of how they would wear their hair. Hells Bells! I was right. Clearly, I had stumbled on something that renowned physicists or any of UK's hot line Pandit Maharajs or Peer Sahibs were unable to figure out.

It's time to take a look at Aamir and Akshay's hair-raising performance again and make another set of predictions.

The shorter Aamir Khan's hair is, the better his movie performs at the box office. Based on the data below, my prognosis for his upcoming 3 Idiots is that it will be a hit - somewhere in between the general hitness of Fanaa and Tare Zameen Par. Why? Because the length of his hair in 3 Idiots is somewhere in between.

Aamir's Movie Length of Hair Box Office
Mangal Pandey (2005)
Long
Flopistan
Fanaa (2006)
Medium
Hit!
Tare Zameen Par (2007)
Short
Super Hit!!
Ghajini (2008)
Miniscule
Blockbuster!!!
3 Idiots (2009)
Short
Prognosis: Super Hit!

The box office performance of Akshay Kumar goes down the shorter his hair is. In this he is the opposite of Aamir Khan. Check out the table below for definitive proof. The anomaly in there is his 2009 hit Kambakkht Ishq in which his hair was short (not to mention it had been chewed at from the front by a parrot-like bird or small animal). But we all know that this was a movie that was a hated by everyone except Akshay, his producer and Kareena (because she got to stick it to mom with that Skinemax performance). So it doesn't count.

Fortunately for Akshay, happier times may be just around the corner. He wears his hair at medium length in his upcoming comedy De Dana Dan. My prognosis is that it will be a hit. Hang in there Akki, happy days are here again!

Akshay's Movie Length of Hair Box Office
Bhool Bhulaiyaa (2007)
Medium
Hit!
Tashan (2008)
Short
Flopistan
Singh is Kinng (2008)
Long
Super Hit!
Chandni Chowk to China (2009)
Short
Flopistan
8x10 Tasveer (2009)
Short
Flopistan
Kambakhht Ishq (2009)
Short
Hit!
(what yaar?!)
Blue (2009)
Short
Flopistan
De Dana Dan (2009)
Medium
Prognosis: Hit!

25 comments:

Tanvi said...

Haha! Funny but so true :o)

Deep said...

when amir becomes taklu and starts doing daddy roles all his films will be blockbusters !!!

Anonymous said...

de dana dan will be a hit? that is a bold prognosis. i think it will be a flop like the rest of akkis movies these days.

Pitu said...

ROFL, I think Aamir shd do at least one film taklu and then when it becomes a huge blockbuster, you should go get yourself interviewed by Mid Day or something and become Peer Aspi Baba Chicagowale. Daulat ka bhandar, I'm telling u!

Aspi said...

Pitu, great idea. Even better if I find these fake co-relations, I can become an advisor to the stars.

"Aamir, for this picture to be a hit, you should get your hair cut by a No 4"

Anonymous said...

great write-up, as usual, interesting subject to ponder on!!
I can imagine a rickshawala conversation:"Aaj kal tu shampoo ka sale bhad gaya hai, Aaskay ki movie jo superhit ho rahi hai.."
I like the idea of fake co-relations, maybe it should be on beards next!!
Drift sahab, what's with this word verification??

Aspi said...

Beards is a good idea - I've been looking into it. Nothing so far :(

Sorry about the word verification. I was getting hit by spam on a daily basis. I'll take it down in a few days to see if I'm off their (misguided) hit list.

musical said...

Wah Wah, kya post hai Aspi ji! OK, so Kambakht Ishq was a hit? Sigh!

Anonymous said...

KI was not a hit. It was an expensive money which did not recover it's cost. Most sites have it as a flop and a few as average.

KI had a big opening weekend and an even bigger fall thereafter.

Mind Rush said...

Dear 1-800-DRIFT-HELP! I am told that you predict actors' future based on appearance. Please tell me how my dress size affects my films? I am sson to appear in a film having gone from Size Zero to somewhat more.
Yours, Bebo
(As confessed to Mind Rush.)

Aspi said...

Fair enough - the verdict was mixed on KI. Perhaps Akshay's career is dumpier than we thought :( Hope De Dana Dan is a hit for him - the man works really hard.

Mind Rush, great thought. I was looking at that earlier. How do pencil thin women fare in movies? The mind boggles - wish I watched the chicks more carefully in movies.

Anonymous said...

Love the idea of size affecting movies juxtaposing... loving forward to that one too.
Aspi, don't worry about the word verification, its not a annoyance, I would rather keep the spam off, that is more of a pain.

Aspi's Future PRO said...

Ameer & Bollywood Producers
Please meet Swami Aspianand for your future movie predictions
Call 1-800- aspiswamy for appointment to charter him to Mumbai from Chicago !!!!!!

F A N T A S T I C !

LO_in_DC said...

I used to have long hair. I got laid off. Now after 6 months, I finally found a job. Should I cut my hair so my new job will be a hit?

Mind Rush said...

Drrift saab, what does the length of your hair predict about the hit-ness of your blog???
I am guessing that as your blog has become more popular your hair has gotten shorter. Does this mean you and Aamir are long lost twins?

Aspi said...

LO, what a tough question. I'm glad you are not (hopefully) serious. Cut it - it always grows back doesn't it?

Mind Rush, my hair hasn't changed since the blog started. I might have used some old pics initially that might have led you to believe otherwise :)

Anonymous said...

Please comment on length of hemline of Bolly actresses and their hits...

Bollywood Boy said...

Dear All Knowling Drift--Plz deliver your verdict on who's going to do better...Paa or 3 Idiots? Give us your take on the advance publicity and music, no?

Aspi said...

Does Abhishek have a stubble in Pa? No? Then its a flop.

Anon, hemline of Bollywood actresses might be an interesting story. Need to check...

meena said...

arre aspi, how about the impact of changing the name spelling of a movie/star to better fool Karma? how is that going? Do we have any hard data to support these spelling manipulators?

Aspi said...

brilliant, an investigation will be launched! This way I can talk about one of my old favorites: Vivek Oberoi.

Kay said...

ARGH, Abhi's facial hair thing is getting tired for me.

I agree with you, Aspi saab, Akshay really really should wear his hair LONG, not just implied long like in Singh is Kinng. But it'll probably take him years to grow. By that time he'd hit the big five o. Wig, maybe?

I quite like KI btw, even though it's a rather stupid movie.

Daddy's Girl said...

Hilarious! And genius! How do you come up with this stuff, Aspi?

Aspi said...

What can I say, I am a messed up person. You should see what all I do at home.

AFAN said...

Sirjee, De Dana Dan has become a hit. If 3 Idiots is also a hit, your prognosis will be correct again! hair raising stuff!