Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Mahesh Smut to cast Pussy Riot in Jism 3!


Yesterday's cerebral director has transformed himself into today's uberproducer. Mahesh Smut has produced blockbuster thrillers such as Raaz, Murder and Jism and become a hit making machine.

Often ripping his stories from today's headlines, Mr. Smut has crafted movies that have captured the imagination of many. He's also made some huge stars out of relative unknowns - Emraan Kissme, Bipasha Bosom and John Baberaham shot to stardom acting in his films.

After the release of his much awaited film Jism 2, I caught up with Mr. Smut in a take no prisoners mood!


Greetings Mr. Smutji, I would congratulate you on the success of your new film Jism 2. Lekin afsos ke woh pikchar flop ho gayi!
Mahesh Smut: You see we live in a highly male dominated society. Men still do not want to see women making progress. They will find all kinds of ways to keep women down. Including making my movie a flop!


Wow, that's vindictive! But wasn't this movie made for men?
Mahesh Smut: Yes, but I wanted them to see a strong woman!

Who takes her clothes off for men?
Mahesh Smut: Clearly you do not understand movies my simple friend. Taking one's clothes off is a metaphor. I depicted a woman who was helpless and vulnerable in front of men, much like yesterday's aurat. But in reality she is in control, much like today's aurat. In this way I seamlessly bridged the gap between two generations of women.

I don't get it, but let's move on. What made you cast Bunny Leone in this flick?
Mahesh Smut: Well, when I saw Bunny on TV I was struck by her sexy confidence. I decided immediately that I had to meet her. I met her on the sets of the TV show she was doing called Rigged Boss. After about five minutes I knew I had to cast her in my new movie.

It took you five minutes to decide that Bunny was the right person to cast?
Mahesh Smut: No it took me five minutes to realize you couldn't tell if Bunny's hunnies were real or fake. That's cinematic gold!

I see. You knew Bunny acted in adult films - did that not bother you?
Mahesh Smut: Not at all! I realized that all these  directors were doing nothing but exploiting the poor girl for her body! I also realized that my movies are halfway there anyway.

But didn't you exploit her more by casting her in Jism 2? I mean the movie means BODY Part 2 for crying out loud!
Mahesh Smut: True, but that's just another metaphor! Besides, my sequels have nothing to do with the original movie. You know, it could have been worse for Bunny if I hadn't come along

Really? How so?
Mahesh Smut: She could have run into Ram Gopal Worm and gotten cast in Bhaag 2!

Yes, that would not have been good. How would you rate Bunny as an actress then?
Mahesh Smut: Have you seen the movie my friend? For what her role involved, I'd say she was better than Meryl Streep!

Mr Smutji, does it bother you that you went from an artsy filmmaker of serious cinema to a producer of skin flicks?
Mahesh Smut: I see myself as a maverick trendsetter! I made movies early in my career that no one dared to make. And I'm still doing the same thing. When evolution slows down, revolution takes place. Take that, haters!

Hey you tweeted that once! So will you make Jism 3?
Mahesh Smut: Absolutely, in fact I've already finalized my lead!


That is exciting! So what is it about and who is in it?
Mahesh Smut: I can't tell you the story yet. We'll make it up during filming as usual. Given my propensity to discover and use up to the minute stars, I have decided to cast Pussy Riot.

What an unusual choice! All three of them?
Mahesh Smut: What do you mean, all three of them? Isn't Pussy Riot a porn star?

No actually they are three female musicians from Russia. 
Mahesh Smut: $*#% !! Are these girls even hot?

Well, that depends on your point of view
Mahesh Smut: My point of view involves tight budgets and minimal clothing

It could work, how good is your make up artist?
Mahesh Smut: The best! Didn't we make Emraan Kissme into a movie star? You know you got me thinking. With three women in the film, maybe we don't need to cast a male lead at all. After all the movie isn't called "Mard ka Jism." I can make a cheaper film!

If that were possible. Ok, well let's talk about the music in your movies. You've always had great music in all your films!
Mahesh Smut: Yes, you need to give the men an excuse to see my movies so that their wives and girlfriends don't yell at them. Kind of like reading Playboy "for the articles". Hey, maybe Pussy Riot can do a song for the movie. And we can get some sexy star like Hitreena Kaif to do an item number on it!

Mr. Smutji, how will you get a heroine with a decent career to show up in your film?
Mahesh Smut: Good point! (thinks for a bit) You think Celina Lately is free?

Ingenious! You are truly India's foremost producer!
Mahesh Smut: At the end of the day, the world just wants you to be a money making machine, no more!

Mr. Smutji, did you just recycle one of your tweets again in that answer?
Mahesh Smut: Why not!? I recycle stories for my movies all the time

[Everyone realizes this interview is made up and all in jest, right? I remain an indifferent observer of Mahesh Smut's work and join viewers in welcoming Bunny Leone to Bollywood]

4 comments:

Never Mind!! said...

Yay, you are back and how!

Ritu said...

So good to see this space active again! And I can't stop laughing at the humour and the biting satire

Mind Rush said...

These 18 months of absence have been hard...
Welcome back, Drift saab! Missed you!
Awesome, ROFL interview. You hit all the key observations and issues!
Do write more often...

Aspi said...

Wow, I can't believe you all bookmarked this site. Thanks for reading whatever I write to amuse myself :)