Saturday, September 01, 2007

Javeda Zindagi on Indian Idol 3 Gala Round

Amit Varma once said on India Uncut that Javed Akhtar could spout philosophy about a shoelace. And ever since then, I've always been particularly amused whenever Javed tries his best to say something insightful about what is essentially a straight situation week after week. And this week was the most entertaining he's ever been on the show.

It went down like this.

In what was called the "Judges Round", the judges picked a song for each contestant. Then the contestant picked a song from among those choices and sang it. Alisha helped out the contestants here by offering choices that suited them. Amit Paul and Prashant Tamang both took her up and delivered fine performances. Then, Ankita picked Anu Malik's choice. And finally Emon decided to sing Udit Narayan's choice. All of this left Javed Akhtar looking like he needed a hug.

Mini Mathur, never one to miss poking the judges, pointed this out. "How would I know" said Javed "The singers picked, so they would know". Now for some funny reason this reminded me of a regular conversation between my childhood langotia yaar and his Mum which went something like this. Mum: "Babloo, how come you flunked math again!", Babloo: "How would I know, Mummy. The teacher gave the marks, ask her!" I know I have a point in here somewhere.

Thus when Emon finished, the garajte baadal finally burst and Javed let the poor guy have it. "Sing in your own voice!" he said to a thoroughly confounded Emon. A bit of an arguing frenzy ensued. Here Emon did something smart. Realizing that the situation was out of his hands he hung his chastised head - a smart way to seek any sympathy votes that might be there for the taking. Aneek, you might have competition here.

Later Emon sang a song by Kishore Kumar. This time Javed khush hua. But that wasn't the end of it.

In the next show Emon took his now-perpetual spot in the danger zone. And when the choices had been whittled down to two, Javed picked up the mike and first delivered a somewhat overwrought message about how he'd like to see Ankita in the final three because it would represent the advancement of naaris and then proceeded to verbally beat the crap out of Emon.

"Dekhiye" he admonished "He won't make it as a performer because he's bad at it! And because he sounds so much like Sonu Nigam, he'll never be a playback singer!"

Ouch! Man, what a meanie! Briefly Anu Malik tried to defend Emon but Javed was so pissed at the general lack of love by then that he started doing something I've seen my little boys do - talk over each other. Maybe next time he'll plug his ears with his fingers and go "la la la". That'll be fun!

Couple of things that touched me on that show. First, when Javed's sister - who was a guest on the show and lives in Chicago - said she turned on the TV to watch the show whenever she missed her brother, she made me go hai and wish I had a sister. And when Malik's little girl Anmol surprised her father by coming on stage and belting out a number, Anu turning to putty made me feel both old and choked up.

Mini and Hussain, what's with the lame fake flirting? Get a room or get a rakhee. But cut out the nok-jhok, its unnecessary!

Finally, congratulations to Drift poll voters whose faith in Ankita's exit was rewarded, but boy she really showed us for three long weeks, didn't she?


Anonymous said...

Hello Aspi,

After many visits, few reads, and 2 writes on your site, I felt an impending need to make myself non-anonymous. And thus, I overcame my inertia of filling out the Name for the comment.

I am an avid follower of your site, had been, am, and hopefully will be - unless ofcourse you start writing about exclusively intellectual (read mindblowing) topics. I confess I do wait as eagerly for your writing on II's episodes, as eagerly as I wait for the episodes themselves.

Trivialities aside (or onside?), getting back to II's latest episode, JJ (Judge Javed) truly was out of his elements I thought. To me, it looked slightly pre-meditated (afterall he was beaten by Malik exactly the same way n-1 times before). May be it was the last straw.

And Anmol - for some strange reason, I liked this girl. Everything about her - singing, voice and stage presence was somehow cute.

Anonymous said...

I could not believe how Javed behaved today. I always thought of him as a very smart chap and the image was shattered today, completely. I don't know what else to say. I don't know why I drag myself to watch the show.

And today, I am glad that Ankita is out. Not because I don't like her, but the way she has been humiliated. I think in previous episode, they asked other contestants to pick the one who they think should be voted out (why would you need to do that?) and everyone picks her. I mean, what the f*ck? Earlier, she also had to complain against Deepali. I really felt that everyone made her feel left out in the show. And I salute her that despite all that, she gave good performances. Kudos to her. I wish her all the good luck.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't believe the way javed Saab acted on the show. I was like WTF, is that his evil twin? Humshakal??? Bahurupia?? like in those corny 80's action flicks..It was very bizarre and surreal..

I hope ShabanaJi doesn't put out for at least a month as a punishment

Anonymous said...

I am now convinced that II3 judges read this blog. Javed Akhtar was probably pissed-off at all the insinuations here about his 'chamchagiri' to Malik and let him (and poor Emon in the bargain) have it. It's all your fault Aspi :-)

While Javed Akhtar should be granted poetic license for connecting women's empowerment to Ankita's staying on II3, I feel sorry for that girl and would definitely miss her spirit. I think we make too much of 'sur', 'taal' etc. On a TV based show, we need both singing and, as Bappi Lahiri would say, 'paarfarmance'; or just imagine if II3 contestants performed as a certain bespectacled, white saree-clad singer singing with her nose in the song book.

- texan

Anonymous said...

The Javed Akhtar-Anu MAllik fight was indeed interesting...and JA fighting like a kid ...hahaha!!!
I also think that at least JA reads this blog!Well, that's very good at least he is open to read about himself and is eager to learn wot others think about him.

Aspi, excellent job! You are sooo good(Alisha style).

Unknown said...

coolbrunet, welcome to the blog as a named entity. I think Alisha really tweaked Javed's button earlier when she asked him to have a large heart around his comments (a rather direct reference to Javed's own comments earlier to Udit).

And for a guy who keeps drumming up feminism, our man is pretty dismissive of women who he perceives to be non-intellectual.

Unknown said...

Anon, my dream pairing would be Himesh and Javed. That would be super entertaining.

Anonymous said...

I dont understand Javed Akhtar's reasoning behind letting Ankita stay on. Ok he thinks she is a good stage performer, Emon is not - fine. He no is sure, that Emon will not be a playback singer- Ooook, but the real reason is apparently coz having a girl in the top 3 is an indicator of how liberated women are. D-U-H. Talk of sympathy votes, so theres no respect for talent here. He did sound and look like a petulant kid...all pouty and crying hoarse and making absurd statements!

Now am waiting for ur post on Laloo's episode in SRGMP Aspi!

Anonymous said...

Thanks Aspi, my pleasure.

Anonymous said...

Aspi, Stumbled upon yr blog and enjoy its fun, teasing tone!

I thought Javed saab's behavior was appalling --- however the bad tempered tantrum of the 5 year old that he channeled was an entertaining watch. For once Annu Malik came off as the voice of reason :P

Really, it is an insult to Ankita's talent to solicit votes for her on gender grounds or because it is politically correct to appear feminist. What's with over the top 'pinjara' and 'is zamane ki ladki' metaphors? Ankita is spunky and spirited and adds punch to the show but clearly I missed the memo abt her becoming a beacon for young women all over India!

Yet, all of this is nothing compared to the demolition of poor hapless Emon. Whatever the rationale (such as it is) of Javed Saab's arguments on why Emon was unworthy of a place on II3, surely as an accomplished writer he could come up with lines that didn't decimate the kid's confidence and motivation! All it did was make Javed Akhtar (sorry, he has to earn the right to 'saab' all over again from me) look like a monumental egotist and a mean spirited bully. Next time Mr Akhtar shd pick on someone his size........!

Unknown said...

Sidekick, glad you stopped by. The Akhtar image took quite a beating as everyone I've talked since then to seems to indicate.

Anonymous said...

Channeling a certain judge:....

Dekhiye, Aspiji. Aapne aur aapki blog waali janta hamaari vidhi nahin samjhi. Emon ki tauheen karke usko "sampathy" votes dilane ke tarkeeb jodi thi. Shaayad kamayaab hui. Aakhir main "scripts with a twist" ka expert hoon.

Anonymous said...

Laage raho Javed bhai...aap ka ek fan salaamat hai....

Folks, I love playing devil's advocate. Perhaps that's why I must "Rush" to defend the "Mind" of the show. You have to give it to Javed. His ideas, his intellect, his feminism, they stay consistent. He does not waffle in the face of disagreement. Yes, his intense indignation surprised me. But that's why he is on the panel. We don't need another giggling judge. We also don't need a judge who's "blowin' in the wind." We DO need a judge who perfectly balances Annu Malik's confidence (or arrogance.)
He's quirky and he loves to be right, but Javed's heart is always in the right place.

Anonymous said...

lage raho jved bhai ...Ek nehi,,apkey kafi sarey fans salamat hai..

I was taken aback a little when a die hard Emon fan thanked Javed Saab profusely this saturday. A little prodding revealed that he and his fellow Emon fans had wrinkles on their forehead especially after a seriously flawed "sara zamana" and uncannily Sonu like "Kal ho na ho" ...things were not looking good for Emon's vote bank and to add to their fear, Ankita was improving consistently and people started to take notice of her....just when things looked gloomy came the master stroke...pyare Javed Sahab at his acrid best!!!......a weak performance followed by extra strong demotivation can work wonders....the Janta felt it was their moral obligation to compensate....and that they did in plenty....Emon hangs on for at least another week...thanks Javed Sahab!!
When I last checked, the Emon fan club confirmed that they still remained Javed Saab's loyal fans(at least for this week for sure..)

Raja Mitra said...

Javed has finally been exposed as the biggest humbug out of the panel of judges. Despite his pseudo-philosophical posturings and his attempts at sounding profound he has steadily shown himself up as a man who understands very little of music and is on Indian Idol purely to promote his image (whatever that may be) & to grease the right backsides (those who have heard his gems like "No one has an ear for music like Annu-ji" will know what I am referring to). He tripped over himself by trying to sound petulant, acting like a kid bully who raises his voice, keeps repeating his bit of drivel & refuses to let others speak & passed some scathing judgments about Emon which were laughable & showed him to be a petty meanie with loads of prejudices & biases. It's about time impostors & hypocrites like Javed are delivered a resounding KITA and propelled down the only way they are eventually headed for. On second thoughts possibly he can be exported to Pakistan since he has been championing some of their causes in the past. One would love to see him spouting his pet self-promoting ideas like female liberation and today's woman over there.
Finally, he has time & again spoken of Amit Paul's voice timbre as one which has not been heard for a long, long time. For that totally out-of-kilter comment alone Javed should sit down on the business end of a crooked kirpan, billowing kurta & all.

Anonymous said...

I thought Javed Akhtar was perfectly right in pointing out what Emon has been doing since the start of this show.Imitating Sonu's voice as well as mannerisms.It just took him a while.Also can anybody tell me why sonu made a point of telling Emon does'nt cipy him?Did anybody ask him that or was Emon accused by anybody upto that point?I feel he was hinting at something there.

As far as blocking Anu Malik from speaking is concerned it was needed because because Mr.Copycat thinks that he always needs to have the final word on everything.He already made his comments and if somebody else made a comment he does'nt like big deal...