Thursday, February 14, 2008

The dustpan in the snow: A Valentine's story

Its not that I want to torture people or induce gagging by writing something on V-day, but I do feel like writing something silly every year on this day.

So I'll narrate this story: a long time ago when the Drift Memsaab and I moved to Chicago, I was a complete idiot about how to handle the snow. Since we lived in a townhouse where the snow got magically cleared every day - I didn't even bother stocking a shovel in the garage.

Well soon enough with a new job in hand and a critical meeting to make by 8am the next day, it snowed and snowed all night. The morning sun illuminated piles of snow on my driveway with no snow service in sight. So I did what most Chicago residents will tell you is an incredibly silly thing to do. I pulled out my low slung black Honda Civic (which I refer to fondly as Kalighodi) and decided to brute force my way out.

I reversed about three fourths of the way down my driveway when I decided to turn out to the road. And most Chicago residents will tell you that this is an even sillier thing to do. Soon Kalighodi was spinning her wheels in the snow, I was inexorably stuck with no solution in sight and in rising panic about making my meeting.

So what happens? My garage door slowly opens and right there I see the Drift Memsaab emerge (think Ritwick's stroll down Nariman Point in Dhoom 2). She's bundled up in a humongous down jacket up to her ankles that makes her look like Missy Elliot wearing a black jacket in that video. And in her hands she has the only wedge shaped object in our house to clear the snow under Kalighodi - a dust pan!

At this point I'm unclear what happened, but I must have laughed so hard that the neighbor who was shoveling snow four houses down must have heard me and seeing my predicament came running over to kindly rescue me. The Drift Memsaab supervised it all until I was well on my way.

And that to date is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me: to come out and be by my side when I needed it most, in the biting cold and driving snow, ready to look completely silly and offer a ridiculous solution so I wouldn't be left hanging. Who needs gift wrapped boxes?

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.


Anonymous said...

How sweet!Happy Valentines day to u Aspi and Lady Drift, and to all my fellow-drifters here.Wishing you all lots of love and laughter in your lives.
Aspi,judging by what u consider as the best Valentine gift,I am now convinced that I am not the seniormost drifter here, or maybe not too far ahead of u atleast:).
But I have no regrets being the seniormost, cos it means so many more special memories added to my list of Valentine moments!

Anonymous said...

So Sweet! As they say, "Joy most of the times is in simple things"

Happy Valentines day to you & fellow drifters!

Anonymous said...

Gang, this has been the most entertaining show I have ever seen.Rakhi and Abhishek patched up on national television, and most news channels have decided that this news takes priority over every other event happening in the country.
The show went on something like this (it went on much longer, but I was laughing so much that i dont remember everything):
Scene 1:Abhishekh going to Rakhi's house with a big bouquet of red roses.
A, on his knees:'Rakhi, I am sorry.I love u. Will you be my valentine?".
R's bodyguard steps in.
A,the machoman, pushes him away,says: 'Tum hum donon ke beech main mat aao!'.
R, bemused(in Hindi):' What r u doing here? And why r u here with cameras?".
A,(who insists on speaking in English)'I want to show the world how much i love you. You means everything to me'.
R, enraged goes Whack,Whack,Whack....3 thappads on A's head(channels repeat the scene 3 times for better effect).
A, head bent down like a child caught playing truant: 'I know, but I really love u blah blah'.
R: 'Why did you behave like that?' Why did you keep telling me not to go to a party,not to wear shorts'..(Aha!So THAT was the reason, After NB3, Abhishekh realised he came across as a wimp and yesboy, and so decided to change his image into a macho he-man).
A:' I know. I will never argue with you henceforth.I am very sorry'.
Looking at somebody near the camera:'Hey teddy Bear (pronounced beer) le aao'.
R: 'Now whom have u brought?Do you know 'main tumhe har jagah lekar gayi.Maine kuch ameer-gareeb nahin dekha.(Wheres the rich-poor euqation in this?Maine apni maa se jhagda karke tumhe rakha(sorry, i dont remember the exact word she used).
And why did u go to the media crying? I was the one who was crying'.
A:Becos I wanted the world to know that Abhishekh really loves you.

Scene 2:Abhishekh and Rakhi sitting on a sofa together, A cluthing on to R's hand, swamped by the teddy beer and the bouquet, being interviewed by a correspondent:
C: So you both have patched up on Valentines Day.What happened?'.

R to A, 'Aye, haat chod na'.
A,like a true filmi hero 'Yeh, haat ab hum kabhi nahin chodenge'.
C: So you were crying, and now you are happy'.
R: I never cried.I have decided that I will not cry at all in 2008.(Then realising that she'd lose ground)said, 'par mera dil roya'.
But I must tell you, once it came in the media that A had left me, almost 1000 boys rang me up, proposing to me.
C, full of glee:So A, what do u say?
A: I am going to change her phone number.
C: Oh, so you have become possessive?'.
A: 'Of course, I am a male'. (Aha, now I am doubly-convinced why this whole show happened).
R: But why did you torture me, saying I should not go to a party'.
A, immediately getting the cueline,looking cornily at R:'Shall we go for a party tonite'?

(Aspi, u thought ur Valentine post would make us gag, on the contrary, ur post was so sweet, but this line made me gag').

C:'So what are your plans for today?'
A: During the day, we will talk and I will make up for the 2 days I was away, and in the evening..pause(That corny look again)...pause....(then suddenly realising it was national television): we will go for a party'!

End of show....
And they will live happily ever after...until they decide that they need some more publicity!

Anonymous said...

OMG!!!!!!! that is something straight out of a B grade desi soap LOL!!!!!!

i can't wait for it to be out on youtube

Saritha said... sweet.Happy Valentines day to Aspi and fellow drifters.

anu,I am ROFL.I must have gagged watching it but ur post has turned it into a laugh riot.

Now,I want to watch it. Where can I find it,any clue?

Anonymous said...

Aspi, thats lovely! Clearly the drift memsaab is person of rare taste and refinement --- she did choose u after all :)

anu g, u've excelled yourself! we'd be lost without our fave celebrity khabaroo here at the drift but this piece of reporting on R-A is a tour de force for u. can't wait to see the clip. now i'm wondering if the whole breakup-makeup drama timed so adroitly to coincide with Val-Day was not one huge publicity gimmick. if so, bravo R-A!

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

Sania said...

Oh my gosh, Aspi - that story is so incredibly sweet. I'm getting all misty-eyed.

By the by, I finally figured out how to pronounce your name - Abhay Deol's character in Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd is named Aspi.

Now back up to read anu g's transcript - can't we just all fully disclose our ages here? ;-)

Sania said...

hey - the thappar is already on youtube. Linky:

Anonymous said...

Driftji, you are a true romantic at heart! The girls in middle school would say: "Shooow schweeeet!"
Happy Valentine's Day to you and the Drifters!

Anonymous said...

Oops, that was me above.

Anu g, that Rakhi thing is hillarious! I can totally picture her creating more drama.

Urgent assignment...Someone please find the video link of that and post it here!!

Unknown said...

anu g, this deserves its own post!

Tania said...

That was darn cute.
I can totally visulaize Drift Memsaab in that long coat and dustpan.:)
Happy V day, all drifters.
I am finally back to commenting on the Drift.
And here are lil somethings I wrote last year for V day.

Tania said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

Welcome back, Tania. You've been long gone.

Unknown said...

Sania, just don't give me any grief over that Aspi character like my friends did when they saw that movie.

Anonymous said...

Aspi...the Missy Elliot comparison is hilarious to say the least! I echo mindrush's 'chooo chweeet' :D

Anonymous said...

Sidekick, Saritha and others, thanks for reading thru that long comment.
Aspi, no comments to add on the post? Generally you have something to say when u post a post.I was expecting some comment-good,bad,ugly, but nothing! nada! Sigh,I guess I understand!I dared to say ur Rakhiben must have play-acted, and now u r playing the offended-Bade-bhaiyya act!Sigh!

Unknown said...

Ooh, I think my compliment and note that the comment deserved its own post must have gone in some other post because I remember typing it out.

But, belated awesome!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the comments, albeit a fished-and-forced one!