Friday, June 20, 2008

Snorekar Raj

Ok, so its not exactly a parallel phillum, but Pitu still has much to say about Sarkar Raj

An angry, irritable man struts into a studio full of mega stars and starts muttering instructions. Samajhne wale samajh gaye honge ki ye banda(r?) kaun hai.

Abhishek, you are the prodigal son. Your 'intensity', deep wisdom and 'aage ki soch' is best demonstrated by flaring your nostrils like an angry bull.

Aishwarya, you are the over-achieving, phoren CEO of this film. So your frustration with the 'system' must be depicted by looking pissed off and flabbergasted. Alternate these two expressions please.

And Amitji, aapke level ke actor ko kya bolu? Carry on being your usual awesome self and I will give you lengthy monologues of 15 minutes each punctuated by loud 'Om hreem kleem' types pseudo shlokas so everyone is aware of your dharmasankat.

Everybody else, please shriek and scream and act like somebody set your dhoti/ safari suit/ pants on fire. Oh and Tanisha darling, please lisp through a simple two line dialog delivered in the voice you would use to sing a nursery rhyme. This is important because baad mein I am going to have you enact the famous marne waali Apollonia sequence. Can you say Somwar, Shukrawar, Mangalwar, Shanivar?

Man, what can I say about this atrocity? I watched this movie because the earlier Sarkar was quite engaging. Here, the pseudo intellectual direction, the maniacal dialogs, the laugh worthy 'light and shadows' wala sad lighting...everything is so awful. Did I mention the poli thin plot? Also, I'd like to wring the neck of whoever provided the background noise - someone interrupting you every minute to yell GOVINDA GOVINDA GOVINDA at the top of their lungs. For fun, hubby and I after watching the film kept yelling GOVINDA at inopportune moments. Fun!

Sarkar Raj Poster AishwaryaDialogs kaise the? Hahahahaa! (sadistically laughing as I force you to share my pain)

Kameena character #1: Chhota skirt mat pehna karo. Varna usmein macchar ghus jaayega.

Kameena character #2 Hum Shankar ko....(sings) gaapuchi gaapuchi gam gam kar denge. Hehehehee.

Somewhere, aapla Sachin and Poonam Dhillon are jumping off a scenic cliff in Matheran to the background strains of GOVINDA.

Kameena character #1 in a verrrry sinister way, trying to be all Dhasoo: Anda phode bina omelette nahi banta.
Kameena character # 2: Matlab? Shankar anda hai? Aur omelette, Maharashtra?
Kameena character # 1: Aur main masala. Hahahaaaa..

And that, bhaulog and bahinino, is what I learned after 3 hrs of cruel and unusual punishment.

An entire state is a tasty breakfast item!



Never Mind!! said...

Pitu, you just found your way to RGV's blog. In his review of reviews he is going to judge your qualification to review his film and since you dont get paid for doing this, it will be interesting to see what he will have to say.

And why did you link Purple Rain? I thought the link was for Godfather plot. Great write up!!!

Anonymous said...

Somewhere, aapla Sachin and Poonam Dhillon are jumping off a scenic cliff in Matheran to the background strains of GOVINDA.

PITU..ur simply HILLARIOUS!!! Now i MUST watch dis movie!!


HAHAHAHAHA...thanks for the many laafs!!!

Anonymous said...

lol @ never mind!! Pitu, if RGV gives you lip, you can always ask for a ticket refund!

I liked this movie --- despite its many flaws. I agree that subtlety is not RGV's middle name. The ear splitting background score was particularly painful, but then in general I don't think Indian movies use BGM well - I had a similar reaction to Jodhaa Akbar despite my Rahmania :). The villains practically held up SINISTER in 1 foot letters and as for their cheesy dialog maybe RGV thought it could double up as a comedy track.

The Bachchan trio held up well, despite Abhishek's limited range in playing smoldering and intense. I thought Ash's role had much potential and could have kept her on the roll she's been since Guru and Jodhaa Akbar, but in the end it petered into hindi cinema stereotype --- heroine playing pretty foil to lead male characters. AB Sr sort of saved the movie for me --- esp. in the second half when he moves front and center.

The plot was interesting and the political setup was realistic even when the pace flagged. Plus it had enough twists and turns esp. at the end that I was kept engaged.

Tania said...

ROFL at the review.I will take a chance and spend my 15$ tomorrow afternoon as I am a AB Sr fan albeit I can't stand the other two.
Let me come back with a detailed reply in retort or agreement then.Hope the movie doesn't bore me to death till then.
BTW are you a Bong?Just a crazy hunch with the nickname.

Anonymous said...

Pitu, the image of Tanisha as Apollonia is hilarious. I cant look past neal & niki:)

Aspi, when is your next music review? I want to know when did it become all the rage to have nasal and whiny singers and songs(like Rashid Ali)? am I missing something?

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAH!!! K, I noticed all those things and sat through them anyway (with the exception of the blown up car which was one of my favorite bits in Godfather and this version was so pheeka I simply had to roll my eyes) but I couldn't help but laugh my head off at this.

Although, like Sidekick, I mostly enjoyed this movie, I now want RGV to make a third movie just so i can go to the theatre and yell Govinda at inappropriate moments :D

Unknown said...

My bad with the link - sorry, corrected. I had to rework everything after blogger behaved a little funky in Firefox last night.

meena, hugely timely reminder. I've been listening to Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na and had a few things to say about it. Next week perhaps?

Sidekick actually recommended the CD to me for which I'm grateful. And can I just mention how chuffed I am that she is with us (however temporarily) these days.

Bee's said...

:-) lol @ the review..
dont forget moronic dialogbaazi like "Vora naheen Woraaa”

Anonymous said...

Never mind: Gawd, Pitu fodder fir RGV's bonfire. Sorry, The Pitu Sultan does not burn well.

akd: Thankee. You can watch the film ONLY if you scream GOVINDA in your baajuwaali aunty's ears.

Sidekick: I have several friends also who'd like a refund. We'll just take the paisa, go to Blockbuster and watch Godfather again!

Tania: I am a Maharashtrian. My cousin and I are named Tipu (Trupti) and Pitu (Priti). These nicknames are followed by the title Sultan.

Meena: You're amazing if you can look past NnN. Baapre, that movie convinced me everyone Kaneda wich walks around in bras and chaddis.

Amrita: Yay, another GOVINDA yeller. Mera aaj ka good deed ho gaya!

Bee: Arrgh you're right. VOra not Ora. VOOOOOOOra!!

Anonymous said...

Great Post : My Sarkar 3 or Babaji 3 wil have Gobinda Gobinda in the Voice of Bling Bling Lahiri's Voice and I am sure to get an Oscar !

Kanan said...

LOL Pitu, awesome girl! Pissed R Us is hilarious. :D

I am going next week for this snoring one. As always after reading dreadful reviews, I am going to have least expectations.

Btw, that Kaneda comment was so funny. What does Kaneda mean? I am yet to watch NnN.

Also, your photo is beautiful! :)

Anonymous said...

Kanan: Kaneda = Punjabi pronunciation of Canada ;-)

Anonymous said...

Pitu, you shouldn't have written all that. I will now Tipu you verbally.

Anonymous said...

Ramu, bahut ho gaya ab! Yeh blogger junta ko akela chhod do.

Also, Amar is in town. Want to hang? I have a cold but J's doodh mein haldi-honey will kick in soon and I'll be good as new.

Kanan said...

OMG! so many celebrities on the Drift. *runs to get her autograph book*

Pitu, thanks for the info. ;)

Anonymous said...

Here is a tip to all the junta bothered by Govinda.Maybe a trip to Tirupati will get you more used to the noise.
To anon-Lahiri da will sing Gobindo Gobindo and you will wonder if its a call for Gobindo for the morning tea that Sarkar loves.

Anonymous said...

BIG B's BLOG sez...
Ms. Pitu,
Your attempts at squeezing pathetic humor by writing a sarcastic imitation of a review show that you have neither seen the movie nor can you truly appreciate intellectual literature.

BTW, Please keep this communication cofidential.

Anonymous said...

OK, guys, that was me above.
Pitu, LOL! Gr8 job!
But you are taking on the Biggest Family of Bollywood :-)

Anonymous said...

Petite Pitu,haha, what a lovely hilarious post.Hey, I think I am definitely 'not' going to watch the movie, cos i'm sure it can never surpass the fun i had reading ur post:).
The B family with Rgv came down last week to Hyderabad to try and get the crowds to see the movie. But the reports say it didnt help too much.
Mindrush,u managed the multiple identities really well:).

Anonymous said...

we had a hearty laugh while watching this movie....there were hardly any dialouges ..only 'Soch soch and soch'. LOL!!and AB Jr. is expressionlesssss!!!!!
i can't stand another Sarkar!

Anonymous said...

and i LOVE the title song of JTYJN..the one sung by rahman and nazrein milaana.i got bored of Aditi.

Ada is beautiful.i love the whole album.especially meherbaan.mesmerizing!

Anonymous said...

Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda GOOOVINDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA........................Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda GOOOOVINDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...............Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda GOOOOVINNDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.............
Sorry guys....just watched the movie....

Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda Govinda GOOOVINDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Akd: Are your ears ringing as well? ;-)

Anonymous said...

yes pitu..FULLON!!

Tania said...

Pitu and Drifters,
I watched the movie on Sunday.At first it felt like a overselling Payless ad"Buy one, get two free".I had very low expectations of the kangas and Voras based on Pitu's review,but then even Mrs and Mr Ash looked in dire needs of laxatives to me.No change in emoting, each carried a very intense plastic look on their faces.Even Victor Banerjee and Govind Namdeo were better than them and they should have been allocated some good roles then those dummies( who I assume RGV brought from his Andhra camp).
And based on the last scene,I have no plans of watching Sarkarni in the upcoming years.
The plot was great, the BGM terrible and the villains pathetic.
But my parting words would be "AMITABH STILL RULES. Move over Aby Baby and Ssssssharukh, you have a long way to go"

Anonymous said...

Sarkarni LOL! :-D And ya, Amitabh rocked but yaar mere SRK ko aise mat bolo :-)

Kanan said...

Finally got to watch it at last. I think the plot was very interesting. I liked it over all despite of all the RGV flaws mentioned earlier by everyone. I am going to watch the original Godfather movies now. As for Sarkar Raj, I will watch it again any day for Big B. He totally rules! What a screen presence and dialog delivery... awesome man! My goodness, that man is like wine, gets better and better with age.

To be honest, Govinda chant wasn't so bad. I was expecting it like all through out the movie but that wasn't the case at all. But I tell you that Vohra-nahin-vora guy was too annoying and the dude playing Anita's dad sucked worse than a vacuum cleaner. I think Hassan Qazi acted well as a bad guy. Every single time he was on screen I wanted to just have a bunch of gundas rip him apart. Kanga aka Sayaji Shinde was hilariously annoying. I wonder what's happening after "ek cup chai laao"...