Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Celeblogity: Rating the Bollywood Celebrity Blogs

Ritesh Deshmukh and Boman Irani joked about the growing power of blogging in Bollywood as part of a sharp opening routine at the IIFA awards this year. And we've seen a sprinkling of celebs (the definition of celebs is rather loose here as you'll see soon) put portions of their lives online.

But how do these blogs stack up? At meena's prompting, I decided to investigate. And since celebrity is a state of mind, we'll assume we are all celebrities and put the Drift through the wringer as well.

BIGB: Amitabh Bachchan

The biggest star of them all blogs at a punishing pace. He's been known to describe minute details of his schedule. He waxes philosophical, once in a while he's bombastic

Often Big B will let someone have it if they attack his family. Once he famously compared TRP ratings with arch frenemy Shahrukh Khan. This tendency gained more ground when Sarkar Raj opened to mixed reviews, prompting Amitabh to post a bunch of chiding retorts directed at critics by his pal Ram Gopal Varma.

The fans seem to love it all. They leave notes of adulation in virtually every post. Some of them are even - gasp! - relevant to the topic at hand. Big B finds time to respond to some.

Web Design: Highly conducive to Carpal Tunnel

Engagement: Measured against the last 15 posts, Big B averages 267 comments per post.

Choice Comments
  • "You are the best Amit Uncle there is"
  • "you seem so normal here…..i wish i saw this side of you when we met!"

Choice Entry
  • "I open the door to the balcony of my room and step out, suspended many many floors, up in the air of Manhattan. All around are the monstrous concrete sentinels, their windows lit up intermittently, like several ominous eyes of a giant ogre. There is an indescribable hum in the atmosphere" Aamir Khan

Aamir started blogging with He later switched to periodic posts on his eponymous site. Aamir's hugely engaging blog is a personal lifestream in his own words. He tends to write a lot about what he is going through - stopping here and there to give his fans insights into what he is working on and how its progressing. Aamir will also often talk about sports especially cricket.

Sometimes the canny star behind the man will emerge: Aamir recently asked his fans if they would like the two missing songs from his home production - JTYJN - back in the movie. And prompted by the "overwhelming response" did exactly that.

Web Design: Very vanilla. Links to his old blog simply don't work

Engagement: Measured against the last 15 posts, Aamir averages a whopping 2,581 comments per post. Intermittently he'll respond to fans thus indicating that he has some phaltu admin guy forwarding selected comments to him

Choice Comments
  • "P.S: Ur hairstyle for Ghajini is amazing :-)"
  • "time to give back vat d so called DEAR FRIENDS gave u.........gud kp it in gud humour"
  • "p.s its the thanks for the driven and motivation your are being to we youth thats it." 

Choice Entry
  • "I’ve begun smoking again. I know you guys are going to kick the shit out of me, my family is already doing that."

My Name is Karan: Karan Johar

Relatively new (on since June this year), KJo's blog is thoughtful and articulate. But its revealing nevertheless. You get an excellent glimpse of the man who knows how to tackle issues without offending or isolating the hand that feeds him. He's honest without being overtly revealing. And if you can read between the lines, its a lot of fun.

Web Design: Smart look, helpful navigation. Name coyly chosen to line up with new project

Engagement: Measured against his posts so far, KJo averages 249 comments. KJo says he reads them all.

Choice Comments
  • "You again wrung hay.I claim that you are the only person all the time, in Bolly..., which he sneers from censorship and all different committees. And this, that is why that not saying concrete nothing you can prattle hours."

Choice Entry
  • "It’s important to be honest. Yes, it’s important, but certainly not possible. So most of us in the film fraternity (notice how I use that word a lot?) have mastered the art of 'dishonest honesty.'"

10 ka Dum: Salman Khan

Granted its a show-based blog, but Salman will often digress - giving fans choice insights into his life. Salman's blog is much like the man we know from the screen off-screen. He's brash, devil-may-care and obliquely outspoken but if you look carefully you'll see that he hides his vulnerability behind a Whatever! attitude.

Web Design: A bit cheesy, like our man himself

Engagement: Measured against the last 15 posts, Sallu averages 165 comments per post.

Choice Comments
  • "O morning breeze,bring a perfurme from the dust of the beloved`spath"
  • "woweeeeeee, your too good man.Tup you Sallu!!!!"

Choice Entries
  • "Ha ha ha I told you…didn’t I ! …What’s there, ki farak painda hai…You keep whacking a stick in water, what will happen to the water? Nothing."
  • "Bandar Sher ko chidhata hai….’ Sirf aawaaz kar sakta hai... Kabhi Sher ko maar sakta hai? He can’t do anything. But when the Lion roars, a whole pack of monkeys fall from trees!"

Vishal Dadlani

Vishal is more than happy to engage with fans online - he does this in a down to earth way and never seems to buy into the belief that engaging with fans intimately erodes one's celebrity. He's only written two entries here (and its much too few to be called a genuine blog), but his opener on the making of the music of Tashan taught me a lot about how his music comes together.

Web Design: Dictated by the hosting site - looks rushed and has wierd navigation

Engagement: Vishal averages 25 comments which gives him room to reply to a large percentage of the feedback

Choice Comments
  • "Vishal! Vishal! Vishal! that word fit with the passion of music. Hey men i am so so so happy that u reply me."
  • "P.S. Shekhar...ur new hairstyle is really suiting you"

Choice Entry
  • "For those of you who don't know, I'm the scary half of the music director duo known as Vishal and Shekhar."

My Blog: Ram Gopal Varma

I know RGV gets crap for his blog, but just hear me out here.

You'll often hear celebs complaining about how the media appropriates their persona - feeding their fans with the impression du jour they want to convey. Often rival chamchaas in the guise of journos get involved, thus distorting the media picture even further. RGV uses his blog to make sure we know what he is about - unadulterated and straight from the horse's mouth.

Once in a while Ramu will interview himself, thus making my day.

Web Design: Gritty, in your face and with the ability to make you occasionally bleary eyed, like his movies

Engagement: Ramu gets 103 comments per post with wildly varying engagements on different posts

Choice Comments
  • "wer any porn movies available in ur video library.... if any .. wer r they now...."
  • "Let me be succint in my question and since your slip is showing again - I will try not to ruffle your plumes! "
  • "I started to get a feeling that deep inside.. you like Karan very much.. Soon you two will make great friendship.. "

Choice Entries
  • "3. How do you deal with your sexual desires?
    Ans: By having sex. I am curious to know how you deal with it."
  • In the post: 11 things that scare me the most
    "(10). Karan Johar’s films for the very very obvious reasons"

Aspi's Drift

Although not remotely a celebrity, Aspi was once interviewed by Chicago Tribune and quoted as saying "I like Aneek. He has a very sweet voice". At a very young age, Aspi was exposed to celebrities, one famous cricketer even addressed him directly barking the equivalent of "You are in my way, murakh!"

Web Design: Inspired by Himesh Reshammiya's music. JMLR!

Engagement: Aspi's last 15 posts average 35 comments of freewheeling Bollywood-centered conversations from highly articulate camp-loving drifters

Choice Comments
  • "Dear aspi, can u plsssss write a hole artikle dedicated to the hottest and sexiest man on two legs. The man with sexy and smooth dance moves who drived millions of my fellow japanese girls scream in shier extasie. Yes I are talking about the one and only Mithun da!"

Choice Entry
  • "In Jimmy - which I had the good fortune of catching up with this weekend - Mimoh finds himself in deep shit."



maxdavinci said...

reviewing your own blog! totally unexpected and was nice though!

Duniya lakh kahe, I stand by RGV. For me atleast he is superb, outstanding, mindblowing fantastic. He has a unique creativity which will take him to number one, two, three on the world charts in aouth korea, china, asiaa, america, california wagera wagera.

Jokes apart for me, he is next only to mani sir. he has the guts to accept defeat like Aag, naach etc. The recent sarkar outburst can be ingnored! ou shoud have read his post on rangeela, or the one on a scene in a jungle.

ok drifters, flame me now!

Pitu said...

lol awesome! I'd love it if Kajol started blogging- I bet it would be hugely entertaining! Amitabh needs to go to writing class :-p

*flames Max*- he also had a stupid, super defensive response to the RGV Ki Arggh bashing. And Naach- ewww. Antara Mali scared me!

Anonymous said...

"Accept defeat" - I dont think he had much of a choice after that atrociously made remake.

Also what is up with his choice of actresses - Urmila, Antara and that girl from Aag? He does have a thing for well defined abs.

Unknown said...

I'll say one thing about RGV: he's always hugely entertaining and insightful when *talking* about the business of film making. (I haven't watched any of his films except Company).

And that one thing he keeps repeating over and over again: filmmakers aren't so much in control of how their films turn out. Refreshingly honest and bang on the money.

What amazed me initially about the celeb blogs and later made much sense - the crowds that come to each blog are different and their approach (more or less) matches the tone of the celeb on the blog.

Anonymous said...

LMAO Aspi! I'm glad you're not biased and did a review of your own blog. That takes guts! As annoying as Celeb blogs are, they are very, very entertaining! Especially when they're in the news about something stupid ie Big B standing up for Ash's wrinkled dress or Sallu Miya's fight with SRK...i get such a kick out of them defending themselves (or family members in case of Big B). You'd think they'd be used to criticism, becasue of the industry they're in, but i guess not!

Never Mind!! said...

Fun post Aspi! And who says you are any less celebrity. Dint we discuss how drift memsaab rubs shoulders with Gauri and Suzanne these days?

Aamir's blog is immensely entertaining to me. BigB's posts are long, boring and often angry. Others are just alright.

How come no review of Anurag Kashyap's, Revathy's and Gul's blogs? They were around blogging much before BigB made it famous.

Beth Loves Bollywood said...

This post was much needed by yours truly - I subscribe to Amitabh and Karan but usually can't make it through more then a sentence or two of the former.

What are Drifters' thoughts on why none of the female stars blog? This trend irks me.

Never Mind!! said...

OK maybe not Revathy, her blog is only one post old.

maxdavinci said...

@all: Well I see him more like a technical and creative genius than a brilliant director.

He chooses the weirdest places to place a camera, and is not afraid to experiment. 70% of the time they go wrong, but he bounces back and every now and then(ok rarely) produces a gem!

The only other person with some spunk seems to be farhan akthar. I don't count anyone from the YRF team as directors. They may be good ones, but then the creativity is all curbed and formula driven.

[RGV fanboy-speak]
watch Kaun, 3 three people, a bungalow and a rainy night. thats it, no bling no naach gaana!
[/RGV fanboy-speak]

Kanan said...

Fantastic, Aspi! the last one is the best yet again. I love the choice comment and coice entry. ;)
Btw, who was that murakh errr I mean famous cricketer?

I'd love to see the following people's blog:

Aishwarya Rai Bachchan - wonder how she would giggle on there. :P

Kajol - each and every commentor will get spanked virtually on there. hahaha!

Juhi Chawla - this one would be in the same category as Vishal's blog.

Preity Zinta would also make a fun blogger, whenever she does, I know that.

Anonymous said...

How about Ekta Kapoor blogging?

Unknown said...

Beth, great point and j, great idea!

I don't know why but it would be interesting to find out why. Certainly all the figures that are released tell us that women consume social networking on the web more than men do (until we get into the over 55 demographic).

never mind!! could you point me to those blogs. I'd love to take a look!

Unknown said...

Pitu, I would be interested in having Kajol blog too. Considering she didn't exactly distinguish herself around that whole HIV thing that we were discussing recently :)

Anonymous said... seeing an Ash blog would be totally worth seeing. She could giggle her way thru the entire blog and Big B could defend her giggles on his blog..."She was watching a funny movie and the regular janta doesn't understand what it takes for someone as famous and popular to do two things at once!"


Never Mind!! said...

Anurag Kashyap:

Gul Panag:

I couldn't find Revathy's blog.

Never Mind!! said...

Maxdavinci: I partly agree with you on RGV. He showed some park of brilliance which got lost in that darkness he insists on having in all his movies. If nothing I am glad that he produces movies with new comers. He practically created a new genre in Telugu after his debut Shiva.

What with AB Sr running to his new daughter's rescue every single time? are trying to portray her as a coy DiL who needs her 'Pa' to defend her? Why can she not speak for herself? Oh, maybe she will start blogging soon.

Anonymous said...

Even a Minor Actor Manoj Bajpayi has a Blog in Hindi.

BTW - Aspi is a Huge celebrity in the Eyes of its Millions of Readers.

Only If He moves Back to Amchi Mumbai , KJo , YRF and Ram Gopa Verma are ready with Scripts - all music to be composed by Himmy.

JMD LR !!!!!

Anonymous said...

Babji's Blog ( Big B )has lost its Novelty Value.

Aspi :
One idea of Research and then Blog would be to write about how much the TV Judges Make. I read somewhere that Abhijeet said , he was willing to let go 70 Lacs in support of his demand for using only Indian Singers.

I bet the Fee for these useless judges runs in to crores per season.

Happy Blogging

Anonymous said...

Here is another one that I find very interesting.

I haven't read him lately but I find him extremely intriguing.
Love this entry I had read after Parveen Babi's death

Unknown said...

gg, if I didn't get sued, I would have written a fake Aishwarya blog post. That would have been fun although Megan would have disowned me.

Never Mind!! and j many thanks, I'll be sure to read them.

aspender I can't seem to get any $ info out of anyone. My best chance is to see if I can meet someone, get them drunk and then get the info :) Although 70 lakhs sounds like a neat little packet but it would be good to know if it is for a season or a X year deal.

Anonymous said...

he he on the Aish blog. Even if you did'nt get sued Amitabh may leave his full time job and turn all his guns towards you. How dare you mock his more than perfect bahu.

Anonymous said...

Also if Ash had a blog, megan may hack into the site and delete all negative comments.

Unknown said...

Anon, related to this comment:

Aspi is a Huge celebrity in the Eyes of its Millions of Readers.

Millions is not even remotely close in the possibility of dreams. But the fact that you would wade through the tons of reading available out here and then choose to come here, and off all the millions of things you have to do in a day would actually make time to leave us a comment is worth ten million readers to me.

And this comment of mine, while meant deeply and sincerely, was inspired by Raja Hasan - who I miss this season.

Unknown said...

Sample Aish entry:

Woke up and ran into that Potato Head Singh again. How does my saas NoJoya allow him to run around the house in his shorts? Its downright creepy. I can't go down to the kitchen to get water in my nightie anymore.

Got a call from my baby. He's stuck in Bangkok. Made sure Nandita Motwani was in Mumbai and hadn't scheduled a show in Bangkok at the same time. Women who stay single for too long are powder kegs - that's what Big Baba tells me.

Got another text from Vivek O. That guy doesn't quit. Note to self: forward these texts to Salman

Anonymous said...

More on Ash's blog: Caught up with Dus Ka Dum yesterday. Ewwwww, that Salman is not aging well. He looks like a frog. Can't believe I use to like those buggy eyes.

Plus, I am sure Salim and Helen could not love me as much as my ma and pa.

And who wants to compete with hotbod Mallaika in being the bestest bahu. It would be like fighting with Sush again for the Miss India competetion.

Unknown said...

From Aish's journal>

These morning pujas are driving me crazy. I asked Big Baba if he could sing Main Hoon Don at one of these and he choked, flicked his eyes at NoJoya and stammered: "Nice joke bahu"

Pitu said...

HAHAHA!! You ppl are evil!

Pitu said...

Aspi, Kajol would be suffering from foot-in-mouth disease 24/7 if she started blogging :-p

squarecut.atul said...

Hahaha. Nice one, Aspi. These celebrity blogs are much like bollywood movies- where everything else is done by others, and the celebrity just has to lend his face ( for mouthing dialogues written by someone else in movies).

The comments they get is not because they write something earth shatteringly witty or profound. They attract comments because they are celebrities.

Getting commented upon thanks to the content is what blogging is all about. And the commentators in celebrity blogs are more like people out to watch tamasha, rather than serious readers of blogs.

In case of celebrities, everything, including site design, SEO optimisation etc is done by experts, and that certainly is not blogging as understood generally.

For me, it is people like Aspi who blog. The fact that I comment in this blog means I find the blog worthy of comments. And I cannot see myself even visiting these celebrity blogs. Not if I can help it.

Anonymous said...

if kajol started blogging, the font would be ugly and she would type like an illeterate paindu crass classless little inarticulate arrogant full of herself twit..


rani would be too fake with her khan asskissing and her yashraj uncleji rants..

Anonymous said...

You are Soooooooooo Right Megania !!!!

Anonymous said...

70 Lacs is on the lower side ( that is per season of a few weeks )
SRGMP Pays most followed by Star.

Time to Charter a Plane to Mumbai for this Research !!!!

Anonymous said...

Your Comment about Readership is quite Touching.

Unknown said...

Rani's Blog>

Called Adi. That man needs to snap out of this depression and go back to dancing like he used to when he won all those dance contests in birthday parties against the likes of Ranbir and KJo. What's a few flops, yaar when you have a hottie like me for keeps?

Moved some red pillows behind the yellow pillows. Moved them right back later. Kajol can't stand yellow on red.

Made my weekly calls to Aish and Kareena telling them how wonderful they looked in recent pictures. Gave Aish tips on how to sit through pooja without wiggling.

Called SRK and told him about Aish's pooja problems. We both had a good laugh. He said he might use the story to make up with Sallu.

Had the driver throw some balls at me so I can practice my cover hit or something for new cricket movie

Unknown said...

squarecut.a, thanks for the comment.

And that reminds me - as far as seo optimization goes are those guys smoking something? Its terrible! To think they have blog titles like Day 23, or Day 14. They're bleeding hits if you ask me :)

Anonymous said...

Where's Shotgun Shatru in this bombastic age of blogging?
Aspi bhai genie, get him to appear too, please!

Anonymous said...

Rani's blog

real story:

got up..had a quickie with Adi.. put some bleaching creme, smoked ciggies.. rang up directors to try to steal roles given to other actresses..rang kareena and schemed against the competitors.. rang shahrukh to praise him, rang yash uncle to kiss ass.. ate fish curry and rice that my servant cooked.. i ate 5 servings...

Rani's version on the public blog

got up..did some pooja..went to mandir, saw aditya chopra there, said Hi to him.. got a phone call from Kareena, i love her so much, we are great friends..we talked about all the other great actresses.. then i rang srk, he is like a family to me, he loves me so much...

then i went to an orphanage to spend some time with those poor kids..took 5 of them to a local restaurant and bought them fish curry and rice..

Unknown said...

Shatru's blog>

Woke up in the middle of a night sweating. Noticed my wife had jumped on the side table and was shaking. She told me I have to break this habit of yelling Kameenay! in my sleep.

But what to do? I dreamt that Mayawati and Amitabh Bachchan were chasing me in a jeep. They had guns and all I had was a rampuri chakku.

Got a call from Ashutosh Gowarikar. He wants to hire the wife again. I told him no dice unless he gives the narration to me this time. I couldn't get his answer because of sudden static on the line.

Called the producers of KBC to offer my services as host. They were gone to their sister's wedding. How many sisters do these people have?!

Anonymous said...

Sinha ji,
Myself your biggest fan! I love your smouldering good looks and your mustache! It is true symbol of Indian Man-hood! I am very fragile in the knees when I hear you dialog. Wah! I say to my kids---here is true Indian Man!

Please take me in one of your films. I work for free with you!

Anonymous said...

Hi Aspi ji.Aap mujhe bahut zaada achey lagthe ho.You're just the best.Aap itne shariff ho.Aap bahut achey insaan ho.Aap apna opinion hamesha share karthey hain lekin kabhie kisi ka dil nahi dukh they

I always enjoy reading your blog.It guarantees loadz of entertainment.

PS:Yooooou Rockkk *blush*

Anonymous said...

Aspi Ji, you are too good.. cute and sweet to aap ho hee, lekin ek accha insaan bhi ho

Unknown said...

Himesh, I thank you and urge you to start a blog. You already have a great title: JMLR!

Anonymous said...

lol on the impromptu Celeb blogs!! My favorite has to be Shatru's blog. Rampuri chaku...classic!!

Himesh blog is somethign that I would follow would be on my favorites right below the drift!! come Himesh...we all need hair tips from you now.

Pitu said...

ewww hair tips from himes! *gags* lol

Anonymous said...

Superb, outstanding, mindblowing, fantastic. That is what I say when I look at myself in the mirror. And this new chinese hairstyle is so becoming.

Gotta go get my chest waxed today. It is tough being an actor these days. Gotta wax hair where it grows and implant it where it does'nt grow. Anyway, I have to endure all this pain because of my fans and my shows TRPs.

Shankar was being a bitch in the last show. I have to show him who is the boss, he he. I made the right moves by chataoing Pritam. Before you know it he will be my cute little sidekick.

Jai Mata di, I am rocking.

Unknown said...

Excellent! My turn.

Himesh's Blog>

I am a business man full of ideas and marketing strategy. Just a few months ago I made sure I tied my new hairstyle with the Beijing Olympics - thus generating TRPs for the Olympics and my show.

Now I've recorded a JMLR ring tone and will be selling it on iTunes. I'm also working on a mirror with image detection. As soon as you stand in front of it, it will recognize you and say JMLR! recorded in my voice.

Part of the proceeds from the sale of the ring tone and mirror will go in the Save Aneek Dhar's Career fund. So buy generously.

Meanwhile I'm still wondering what to do to get A-list actresses to star with me in a movie. That trick we played on Urmila won't work again. She went and blabbed about it to the whole industry.

Lunch was a disappointment. Undhiyu again, but all boiled. Blecch! I bought some vada paav from the lahri and gave my lunch to Ismail.

Anonymous said...

Judge Javed's blog?? Please please...I will Rush to read it.

Anonymous said...

Arre bhai, Hamein yeh blog-vlog key bare mein kuch pata nahin. Hum to kitabo mein shairiyan likhne walon me se hai.

Anonymous said...

Hi Aspi,

Thanks for the post--really liked the addition of your own blog at the end--hilarious!

My opinion on these blogs are somewhat two-sided--On the one hand, I think the whole celebrity blogging thing is a really cool way to feel "close" to your favorite celebrities, but, on the other hand, there are just too many comments...I frequent my blog roll from blogs like yours and Beth's more often than I do the celebrity ones, because I feel more like I am interacting with an actual person. With these ultra-popular blogs I tend to feel like just a number.

Wouldn't it be cool to go on one of these celebrity blogs and see your own blog linked in their blogroll? Wishful thinking, but I'd probably faint!

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, and by the way, I am loving all the comments on the fake celebrity blogs--especially the Rani and Ash ones!:)

Please do some more! Preity, Kajol, and Shahrukh would be nice :)

Unknown said...

Nida, welcome. Those are good suggestions as is Mind Rush's. And I love fake Javed who just stopped by. When I get some time I'll be sure to do a few although anyone can join in.

Pitu said...

Shabanaji's entry-

*earnest mode* Mujhe nahi lagta ki Javedsaab ke blog likhne ya padhne mein koi dikkat hogi. Aakhir wo ek kaabil shayar hain. Waise mere waalid bh bahut mashahoor shayar the.. *preen* Main bhi blog likhna chahti hoon lekin mujhe nivaara haq samiti se fursat mile tab na.. but I have to say *pregnant pause* blogging is truly an intellectual activity, and I celebrate it!

Anonymous said...

There is so much one can do for a make-believe Himesh blog!!

Dear Diary,

Today, while taping for SaReGaMaPa, JMLR, I got some hankering for some khaman-Dhokla with Chutney...but alas, the calories that get added...I can't do that because I went from a 36B to a 34A and I need to get back to my 32A size before my "Aaj ka Don" filming starts! oh, how I miss those empty calories from Khichadi and handvos! that reminds me, need to buy a tighter shirt...the cleveage flow is just not the same anymore. The focus is shifting to the hair and need to re-vamp the clothings.

Tomorrow is the big day when another Karzzzz promo comes out. I hope it's just as superb, outstading, fantastic, mindblowing as the person acting in it...ME!


Anonymous said...

oops, that last one was from me btw...

Anonymous said...

Titled -I am King Khan!
I should stop smoking!JJJust Stop it! What with that Ghajni guy calling me his doggie!This has really increased my smoking from 2 packs to 3 packs a day.And what does Mr.Bachcan do?He thinks he is more popular than me because he can use big words in his blog and call me names?Me, Badshah Khan being called names by the guy whose son does not even have a six pack as me that he has to hide behind long tunics? I own the Knight riders, I am an entertainer,I am the best, I am the best.Yes Iam King Khan just like my friend Karan says it
Reminder:Got to check his blog.He keeps sending me sms about it.

Pitu said...

Himoo darling, 'Body' by VS khareedo. Tum Gisele Bundchen se bhi zyada feminine lagoge.

Unknown said...

Pritam Singh: The Preity Zinta Blog

Oye, my first entry! Bobby mere yaar, thanks for the inspiration for the name of my blog. Tu bhi kya yaad karega!

I will have to do ek do commercials extra. Have to pay off the losses from that IPL disaster. SRK, teri to!

While I'm at it I want to tell all my fans ke I was very hurt when you guys criticized my performance in Unforgettables. What the heck! I had partied hard before the Chicago concert and with the flight being late do you really expect me to bounce around stage going kadank kadank!? Be reasonable, people!

Ness texted asking me if it was ok to eat fried fish for lunch. I texted him back saying Loch Ness banna hai kya!

Also got a text from Yuvie. The guy gets depressed every time he sees a picture of Ranbir with Deepika. Abe, woh jat hai ki kya! I told him don't be all whiney like Sreesanth yaar. Nahi to mein ek kheech ke doongi.

Mua mua need to go to KJo's party, I mean house.

Pitu said...

/begin Priety's blog- *Ting* (safed chamkeele daat)

/end Preity's blog - *Ting (bade bade khadde)

Kanan said...

A blog on any of the above mentioned *Bollywood* male celebrity's blog.

Found out about the Drift site. What do they think they are? Some celebrities? HAH! All day long they keep talking about me but call themselves celebrities. Why? Because they actually love me so much, they can't get enough of me. You see, fellow bloggers, I have fans who admit openly of their eternal love for me and there are some like the drifters who completely deny that out in the public but inside their hearts they churn butter for me. I am still sad for they are saying such things about me on there. *sigh* I will respond to their comments once I am back to Mumbai from shooting for my secret new role in this secret new movie. And I am going to work on having a brand-spanking-new attitude called when-elephant-walks-he-doesn't-look-at-cute-weetle-doggies-on-the-road-he-walks-all-over-them. HEHAHAHAHA! Keep blogging *sarcastic expression* you celebrities! Adios, until next time.

Pitu said...

ok I just visited Gul's blog- YAWN!!!!!!! Yikes, I need some desi chai to wake me up after that insipid blog. Hmmph. Miss Indias.

Anonymous said...

Stop it guys!!! my stomach is hurting way too much from the laughs...and am getting glares from office workers while imagining the poor female jumping on side table and shaking.

Who needs to go to celebrity blogs while Aspi's very much alive and kicking. You get to read the "real" contents here.

OMG!!!The episode between Big baba (too big, lets cut it short to "biba") and bahu requesting "Don" is just too much. BTW, what's the origin of "NoJoya"?Sorry for missing it.

Big JMLR to "m"s different versions of Rani's blog. tooo freaking cooool.

Unknown said...

And I loved Shabana's blog too :)

Its just as good we do our best work in the comments section. This way we fly in under the radar and don't get any threatening notes from Ramu uncle.

Over Rated said...

From the Secret Blog of Shahid Kapoor:

I put on another five kgs of muscle today. Who's the little man now Kareena, huh? Wait. Stop. Think. What would Shamik Sir do? He wouldn't waste his time thinking about his ex-girlfriend. He would already be choreographing another award show.

Forget her. You are almost a superstar now. You even have a girlfriend. So what if your she looks old enough to be your mother? It's still a relationship. Jesus. I shouldn't have promised her that I would date her if Kismat Konnection would be a hit. I was so sure that movie would go down, like 36 China Town. Wait, that rhymed. Giggle.

Anyway. Focus. Old lady. Relationship. It worked for Amrita and Saif and it'll work for you. God, no. Oops. Bad example. Damn. Who else. Right, Demi and Ashton. But wait, Demi still looks hot whereas Vidya looks like my Aunt Pratibha. Sigh.

Forget it. Focus. You need to add five more pounds by this weekend. By the way, have those steroids I ordered arrived yet? Let me call Upen and find out.

Okay. Later dudes.

"Dudes?" Geez. What are you? A character from Bill & Ted's Awesome adventure? Jackass.

Unknown said...

heh heh that's hilarious too! I don't do memes much but if ever there was one worth it, this should be it.

Anyone want to do a Secret Diary of a Superstar on their blog, do one and leave us a note here. I'd love to read all of them.

Anonymous said...

Over Rated: Hahaha!!

Kanan said...

LMAO @ Shahid's blog. Does he actually write THAT tiny sentences? LOL... Focus! :P

Anonymous said...

Stop! You guys are killing me! Can't stop LOL!!

Esp. loved the Shabana blog.

Pitu said...

Shabanaji says:

Kaafi baar main dekh chuki hoon ke aajkal ke naujawaan bahut hi gair-zaroori aur fizool baatein karte hain... aur unhein apne community, apni society aur apne ethos mein koi dilchaspi nahi hoti.

Main bahut hi mashahoor khandaan se hoon - mere waalid aur waalida dono bahut taareef-e-qaabil hain.. shayad is wajah se main fizool baatein nahi karti.. balki main aam logon ke baare mein sochti hoon.

Logon ko chahiye ke blogging ke zariye apne mahoul ko sudhaare aur apne jhopdiyon mein rehne wale bhaiyyon ki taraqqi karen.

Mashahoor hastiyon ka mazak udana bahut hi immature aur intellectually stunted society ka symptom hai.

Aaj ke liye itna hi. Meri raw silk sari aur Tahiti pearls (jo mujhe Vanessa Redgrave ne diye the) ko pehenkar mujhe dharna ke liye jana hai... Khuda Haafiz.

ppl said...

My personal fave is KJo. Its like that Stardust column of yore Neeta's Natter, with all the catty gossip except not from a disgruntled frumpy middle aged man posing as a celeb insider!
As Aspi already mentioned, much can be inferred and assumed from the broad hints and no other celeblooger can attack you or sue u!

RGV's blog redeems his last 30 sucky movies somewhat, at least he's not pulling a Subhash Ghai who still claims "Yaadein was a misunderstood work of art".

Hey Aspi, how bout a self interview as well one of these days. JMLR is with u.

Btw those clever "original celeb blogs" esp preity's and shabana's need a separate post!

ppl said...

@ Pitu,killer yaar "raw silk, pearls vanessa redgrave"

Unknown said...

Pitu, where'd you learn all that Urdu?!

Thankfully Farhan is busy with the Rock On!! movie release. Otherwise he'd come here and kick our collective asses.

Unknown said...

leera, yaar, I can't get anyone to answer my questions these days. Everyone is busy, hmph!

We'll do the playful ones - I'm very fond of them - but we need some famous/semi-famous/about to be famous/its a crime they are not famous people with unique angles first so we don't collapse under our own playfulness.

First, I need to interview girlie girl on the correct way to make chai. Then j suggested we do one with Mind Rush.

Anonymous said...

Judge Javed says:

To paraphrase mere Abba, Jaan Nisar Akhtar,

Yoon to sabke blog hain
  saare zammane ke liye
Kuch hamaare khayalat hain
  fakht unko sunaane ke liye

-- Texan

ppl said...

Aspi,I am hoping Himanshu will pick up on how often he gets phukat ka loving footage on the Drift and grace us with a rapid fire round one of these days.

(Drift Hamper includes - Frizz ease to keep helmet hair flyaway free, Mindblowing Shot glass with JMLR logo, Collectors edition Mimoh bobblehead, box of sugarfree kaju katli and diet khakra, last but not least a fashionable yet modest bolero to keep the cleavage shots at bay!)

Pitu said...

Mashallah Mashallah Texan!!

Aspi saab, waise to
Hamari Urdu kaafi pakki hai
Hum unke andaz mein likhte rahenge
Baat itni to 'nakki' hai!

hahaha -o dear my Marathi roots are showing :-p

Anonymous said...

Kya baat hai Texan and Pitu...wah, wah!!

btw, LOVED, LOVED Preity's blog! and the additional Tink, Tink was just the icing on the cake!

I wonder what Ishmiel Darbar's blog would look like now that he's been booted from SRGMP...

Anonymous said...

More Ash bogging:

::giggle:giggle:: No one knows this but I got Pa to throw Madhuri out of the show. She was getting all the publicity in a "comeback kid" sort of a way.

Oh, I shouldn't have like written this on my blog. But Pa and Abhi will totally defend me if anyone raises a finger.

Anonymous said...

Leera, that drift hamper idea is so funny. I think though Himesh will need a kaftan to cover his cleavage. A bolero wont do.

Anonymous said...

*raises the finger* grrrrr

Pitu said...

Madhuri's blog-

5am Wake up, make khana for patidev and bachchas.
6am Shower, do Ganesh pooja
7am Do Kathak riyaaz, curl hair
8am Twiddle thumbs, watch Hum Aapke Hain Kaun
11am Ignore the Chopras, Barjatyas.
12 noon Phone Aai and Baba in Mumbai
1pm Eat 2 phulka, salad (new diet)
2p Nap
5pm Make chai for hubby, eat karanjis, besan laddoos.
6pm Wait for my Ramji to come home. Surf blogs.

6:30 pm- Rant

I don't understand that awful girl Pitu and her rants about me. People should understand that I am a good Marathi mulgi whose priorities in life are

1) her kids,
2) her hubby.

Ram wanted me to make puranpoli for him and my babies wanted me to sing and dance for them. This is why I bunked that stupid show in Chicago. And I spent the evening in amcha Denver, canoodling with hubby and feeding him puranpoli apne haath se. That stupid Pitu should go find another actress to yell at.

Oops, my Ramji is here..

*puts hairspray in hair and runs to the door with a beaming smile and dhak dhaking heart..*

Anonymous said...

LOL on calling husband "Ramji!" it's the next best thing to the old school name "Swamiji!" hahah! Pitu, you forgot apply a horrid brown shade of lipstick every 25 mins!!

Whateva Madz, Pitu has the right to be P.Oed at you...

And J, an Ash blog is totally useless if it doenst contain atleast two ::giggle:: ::giggle:: in it! hahah

Unknown said...

leera, if we ever get a hold of Himesh we execute that idea. Something tells me he'll do a bunch of achha insaan dialogs and make it really hilarious. But such is the greatness of the man.

Unknown said...

Mimoh's Blog>

Great news! I finally got a phone call. Sure it was just one of those Jimmy distributors asking for his money back, but its so good to be remembered!

Baba says I must work harder. So I shampooed for 15 minutes today and applied a new hair product that gives off extra sheen.

I also practiced my dancing. My old coach was such a turd - asking me to observe various Kalahari animals in order to refine my dance moves. That so did not work. Now I just watch old Baba movies and try to learn from him. He was such a genius. Only Jeetendra Sir was in his league back then.

I also practiced acting. Every day I focus on one emotion till I get it completely right. Its called perfectionism! Today I worked on "delirious". It took only one trip to Dunkin Donuts to learn this one.

Pitu said...

"I shampooed for 15 minutes" hope mimoh baby washed out all the paseena from his vigorous dancing :-p

Anonymous said...

Bhappi's blog...

Meh aa gaye hai aur een bachcho ki tare meh bhi blog lakhagi. Ye chota bachcha kya soch ta hai ke Bhappi ko sirf gaane or style aata hai, par hum bhi writer banegi aur blog me likhegi.

aaj hum jewelry ki shopping ke liye gaya aapni patni ke saath. Usne 2 jodi jhumar kharide, maine bhi apne liya shopping kiya...aur 12 haar liye. Mein aapni style badlke woh Himesh ko bhi takkar maronga. Woh kya samaj ti hai ke woh akela itna young hai...lekin who bhool gaye hai ke is country ka sabse famous gana maine gaayi hai. "Yaar bina chain kaha reh" se popular aaj tak koi gana hi nahi hua.

Meine aapni Shaaakira ko new Yaark ke parade main deeki aaur mujhe lagta hai ke woh sirf India ki nahi lekin new yaark ki bhi shaaakira hai.

aab, mein zara khake aata hu...

Pitu said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Bappida is the GOD of bloggers!!!!!!!! Jai Durga Ma!!

Anonymous said...

oh, that Ramji brought back memories of Ram Lakhan.

Bappi da, you are the baaaast.

Unknown said...

Ismail Darbar's blog>

I'm getting ready for garba season. Ever since Sanjay Leela left me, I've thrown myself heart and soul into garbas. Himesh said he would join me this year in Surat. It will be zabardast! He said that last year also, but maybe this year he meant it.

Mujhe yaad aaya, I need to go leave another stinker of a comment on SLB's web site. For his birthday this year, I recorded a demo tape of Dost Dost Na Raha and mailed it to him. My therapist says I am getting better - at least I am not sitting in the rain outside SLB's house every day anymore.

Voice of India is the number 1 show in TRPs. I know what you are thinking but we measure TRPs differently. We track Total Raundu People and then calculate our popularity. Its a good system, god bless.

Amanat Ali called to say he's now making more money than me and has even touched Amit uncle during the Unforgettables tour. I told him if he can get close to Aish and smell her perfume without her noticing then he can come back and brag to me. Saala bachcha!

Anonymous said...

Karan Johar writes:

Darlings, it's so good to write to you all. Just came back from busy shopping schedule in Milan. Picked up matching aubergine silk boxer shorts for myself and SRK. Perfect "under"stated style.

Called B uncle to greet him on his arrival in Mumbai and told him that I just loved his blog! Gifted snake oil chest lotion to Sallu, esp. bought for him at exclusive boutique in South Milan. Congratulated Adi on his new hit film and gave Italian chocolate hamper to Rani. All this time, listened to Priety chat away on the other line.

Now to eat lunch of zesty mineral water and lemon lettuce.

Over Rated said...

The Jhakaaaas Blog

Good morning young man. Oh, I'm talking to myself not my son. Jhaakaaas. People make fun of me because of my hair. They don't appreciate the kind of work it takes in maintaining such vegetation. I spend 40,000 rupees on pesticides alone.

I'm such a good actor, they should name a country after me. I can see it now. Hairistan ... Is desh main bal rehta hai. Jhakaaaas.

Ok, had a fight with Sonam today. She got angry when I asked her to play my mother in a film. Silly girl. She doesn't get it. She should make hair while the sun shines. Laughing my hair off @ my own joke. That'a an original Anilism. Jhakaaaas.

Kanan said...

LOL @ Nil Bhaaloo Kaps from Bhaaloochistan

Dharam’s blog will begin with:

Kamino! Ki haal hai?...


Un kutto ki yeh majaal? Maine Basanti ko naachne ko mana kiya tha aur ab dekho usne to meri ek na suni, us ki beti... *shaking head* meri Esha bhi Dhoom 1 se lekar Dhoom 5 mein aise hi naach rahi hai.


Satsriakal! Kal phir milenge.

Anonymous said...

Remember that fat free cake hint I gave Sonam. Today I bought her mom a mirror. No, really! A woman has to look good for her man. But I don't understand women at all. Instead of being thankful like my daughter, she threw Sonam's razor at me. Why would she do that?! I could have gotten hurt.

This was not jhaakaas!

Unknown said...

Man, that was a lot of fun!

Thanks for those incredible contributions everyone. I feel so entertained I could even live without SRGMP's tacky double dose this weekend.

Hopefully this blog will never be found. Otherwise there will be suparis on everyone's head.

Anonymous said...

head's blog:

::hehehe:: only ten more girls added me on facebook today! maybe my popularity ratings might be dropping...used to get atleast 20! i thought i would get more after i dumped shakeeeraah and went out with gori but no!! nothing. maybe i should go out with shakeerah again... her mentor, the walking-talking-jewellery-shop, might be a good luck charm for me...
went to my own fan club on the IF and facebook today. i know i am super hot and sexy, reading all the posts crazy girls make about me. i need to exercise some more so that i can have more muscles to add on to my nonexistent ones.
pyaare papa was telling me that i got a philem offer today! never mind it is from a flop machine like vikram bhatt, at last i have a real live philm to do! and i will be a million times better than sonu who sucked in Love in Nepal.
okay my sweetheart darling girls, i shall run off to text and beg shakeeeraah some more.. wish me luck my darlings!! i love you all! and i know you love me too!!!!

Anonymous said...

deepika's blog

toweliya bought me five new handbags today! good. looks like toweliya sweetie's khaandaan is much richer than yuvraj or dhoni or nihar! note to self: after ranbir gives one-two flops, date another actor and not a cricketer or model.
past weeks have been really busy with shooting for various c grade reality shows. they disgust me! i'm an a star actress with an a star daddy and an a star boyfriend. toweliya disappointed me a bit though with his remarks that bips was pretty! seen her thunder thighs! mirror mirror on the wall, who's the prettiest of them all? it is DEEPIKA!!! okay, all you plain ugly mortals out there reading my blog. if you're cute single young actor, contact me at ********, if you aren't, SHOO!

-invalid. (the above comment was from me as well)

Anonymous said...

Oh God!you people are soo funny!!i was laughing like craziiee!!

i wonder what NoJoya's secret diary would be like??:P

and maxdavinci,me no flame you abt the RGV comment.he did make some very good movies in the past.his telugu movie,kshana kshanam, remains to be one of my all time favs.
for me,Sarkar 1 was his last watchable movie!!other than that,well *sigh*

Unknown said...

invalid, welcome! Loved those fake posts. You have found your true calling!

Cinderella, NoJoya's fake blog would be great too. Must think of something...

Anonymous said...

Looks like I missed all the fun!!! I'm so jealous! I wanna write celebrity posts too, but I must work instead!!! *cries* Aspi, save a bigger and better post for post-Sept 1!

Why is she called NoJoya, by the way?

Anonymous said...

In my, er, crying, I forgot to mention that the whole 100 odd comment sequence totally cracked me up. The whole celebrity fake-blog thing -- what an awesome source of fun. Aspi, more awesomeness to you as CEO of the Drift!

Anonymous said...

hello. i'm back again due to boredom.
just had a senseless thought:

towel mai bithake,
saabun se sazaake
bathroom se churake
le jaayega ik roz tera udake jiyaaaa
toweliya a a a a a
toweliya a a a a a
hooo toweliya

Unknown said...

invalid, you can make a 3 million hits YouTube video guaranteed if you hook up with someone who is dangerous with a camcorder.

svr, NoJoya was a bad attempt at obfuscating a name for any search engine that might pick it up. Let's just say this: we talk a lot about the senior Bachchan bahu being so glum all the time - hence the name.

Anonymous said...

Hi there, one really can't compare AB's blog with say Aamir's...Aamir writes like once or twice a month compared to AB who blogs everyday and sometimes even twice a day...even that becomes a bit too much for a fan to keep up with.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Shazz said...

Priyanka Chopra Is Sweet

Shazz said...

Deepika Padukone Is Lovable. I Love u Deepika. She is the most beautiful women on earth.

gauravmanral said...

The Twitter account of Bollywood mega star Amitabh Bachchan has been hacked. Amitabh himself gives this information by tweeting. He blamed some porn sites for this interruption.