Tuesday, February 24, 2009

The 2008 Drift Oscars

Well regardless of what anyone says, the Oscars were much more enjoyable for me than years past. They seemed much better integrated, the sets were beautifully detailed and the show had a distinct narrative running through it.

Bonus points for having the hugely talented Hugh Jackman as host. Honestly, its nice to have a host whose only talent isn't to go up on stage and make fun of people. Heck, making fun of people is all good - we do that constantly on this blog - but that can't be your only real talent.

Before the Academy pats itself on the back and invites the entire production team back to do it again next year, I'd like to say: this is exactly the kind of show that used to put people to sleep years ago. But years of groanworthy PJs from people like Whoopi and Letterman had so lowered expectations, that this all looked so good. Yet if the Academy does it again next year, I'm willing to bet it'll not only be snoozeworthy but it will - gasp! - drive younger people away. We are talking the stuff of nightmares for network execs here.

So my phaltu Drift advice to the Academy is: change it all again next year. Keep surprising your audience by keeping them off balance. Do keep those music videos in the mix though. Loved them!

I'd also like to take this occasion to hand out some of my own Drift Academy Awards for Best Entertainment provided before the show.

The Bride of Frankenstein Award - Sophia Loren

All right come on now, its not about being old. Its about not acting your age and pretending to be Beyonce. We all know what happens when Rekha tries to do that. When Sophia was singing the praises of Meryl Streep on stage, she scared the living daylights out of me.

Most Chaatu Moment Award - The Quorum of Past Winners
I quite loved the whole sinister looking quorum of past winners who would come and do massive maskaa-polish of the nominees. It was cute the first time. But by the time the Best Supporting Actor category had rolled around, it was so gagworthy that I began to enjoy it. I kept looking forward to which past winner would outdo the previous one by heaping superlatives on their adopted nominee. At one point Christopher Walken didn't quite heap enough love on his assigned hopeful, thus short-changing Michael Shannon compared to the others. Hilarity!

Best Unkempt Hair Award - Diane Lane

How does one spend hours getting ready - and still look like they forgot to run their comb through their hair? Some hairstylist is going away soon on a vacation - a very long one

Best Unkempt Hair Honorable Mention - Mickey Rourke

Mickey's downgraded in this category because he wore a taveez of his dear departed dog - Loki. That is just endearingly In Your Face quirky. And what a cool dog name. Diane, suck it up!

Best Helmet Hair Award - Kate Winslet

Ok, Kate's hair is tough to style. Its wispy and usually cut at a length that would drive any stylist crazy. So I can see someone going: how about I just lump it all together and make a nifty little swoosh in the back. Now, can I have all the hairspray in Georgia? Fortunately for all of us, Kate is a very good looking girl.

 The How to Gift Wrap Yourself Award - Amanda Seyfried

I haven't seen Mama Mia yet, but that Amanda looks hot - like a cross between Kat Dennings and Cameron Diaz. I guess gift giving on Valentine's Day must be easy.

The How Not Gift Wrap Yourself Award - Jessica Biel

Clearly Jessica started from home wearing a bow. But along the way someone untied it. Jessica was too toked to notice.

The Whoot! I'm Married And William Shatner is Still Not Invited Award - George Takei

Seriously, has a psuedo-star jhagda ever been so much fun?

The Bhoot Makeup Award - Alicia Keys

When I was in Standard III, there was a little kid who would always walk into class with way too much powder on his face. We would all make fun of him. Bad foundation remains one of fashion's biggest disasters - simply because its unforgivable.

The Best Multi-purpose Cleavage Award - Anne Hathaway

Form married with Function! This is every man's dream because now no date has to hold his chick's clutch while she adjusts her earrings. She can put it right up on that mantelpiece under her chin.Too bad Anne didn't have a date to put that magnificently jutting neckline to good use.

The Scariest Combover Award - Steven Spielberg

Hey, you can be a super rich producer and director, but that doesn't mean you are immune from bad taste. At the awards, Steven came out at serious risk of resembling a Hammerhead shark.

The Revenge is Sweet Award - Miley Cyrus

These days both my boys are so not into girls that I often will pull them up for sticking their tongue out whenever Hannah Montana is on screen. They've taken to teasing me about her. This reached ridiculous proportions this Valentine when Youngling came and deposited all his Miley candy on my desk and said "For you Daddy, because you love her so much"

So when Miley came on screen, I yelled my head off and told the boys to come down to see something really special. They came running down and boy, was it fun to see their expressions of dismay.


The Best Picture Award - The kids of Slumdog

Ah, really cute - the cast of the movie without the extended family all around them. Especially Unkil Anil.


musical said...

Lol @ Miley Cyrus :)).

Sophia Loren was truly scary!! And Jessica's Biel's "dress" looked more like a towel :-D. Ugh, can't believe i am saying this ;).

The kiddos were the cutest. I loved how Rubina put mehndi on her hands. A mark of something festive.

Priya said...

what about seacrest's "classic" red carpet questioning.

honestly, the lack of attention given to the kids, particularly compared to one ms. pinto and one mr. kapoor is deeply annoying.

at least, irrfan has the decency to recognize that he is not the star of the show.

Anonymous said...

Hey Aspi,

I think your list of awards is far too abbreviated.

How about:
the "most embarassing Uncleji award" - Anil Kapoor

The "most adorable, yet unbelieveably tongue-tied even though you knew you were 99% going to win the Oscar award" - AR Rahman

The "trying too hard to pronounce Rahman properly but messing it up big time award" - Alicia Keyes


Pitu said...

Awesome!!! lol. I loved Mickey Rourke for remembering his doggy
:-) and also, the SM kids' photo is adorable!

I didn't actually watch the Oscars (they are boring, pointless and predictable) so count me among the absentee watchers that network execs need to worry about.

I did catch Mr Munchkin Rahman's speech on youtube. Kisses!

Unknown said...

Heck, I really should have given the Most Embarassing Dehati Unkil Award to Anil Kapoor.

Anonymous said...

LOL @ Jessica Biel! She truly looked awful!!
Mr. Kaps should get some sort of an embarassment award!

Also, an "aww-worthy moment award" to Mr. Dev Patel and Rubina during the acceptance speech when he picked her up cause she couldn't see what was going on! AWWW!

Anonymous said...

i got to pose with an oscar the other day. A friend of mine from school, her step dad won an oscar in 96 (not gonna say the category).. i was over at their house and took several pictures with it..

those things are rly HEAVY.. my god!!!!

and i put it up on facebook and ppl were like nice fotoshop.. i am like its the real deal you freaks... i aint that lame..

Unknown said...

megan, I knew that you'd be the first to hold an Oscar among the people I knew.

Of the three poster people I have on the Drift, one's won the Padmashree and another one has hefted an Oscar.

Himesh needs to step up to the plate now.

Anonymous said...

haha who's won the padmashree?

it has to be that prolific user anonymous.. he/she is everywhere i look..

Anonymous said...

Agree with Aspi reg Megania !
Padamshree receipient is Bachchan Bahu ( Ash )

Sujatha Bagal said...

Loved this!

That semi-circular cult initiation thing freaked me out too! The Time critic called it the Jedi council. And what was Anthony Hopkins going on and on about Brad Pitt being a great actor!? Weird!

Unknown said...

On this blog header we have Meg, Sachin, Himesh. Hasn't Sachin won a Padmashree or did I get that wrong?

Suj, I have to agree with Hopkins somewhat. Pitt is not a great actor, although people in Hollywood have started regarding him as such lately. I do think that he is a really good actor though. He's kind of like Anne Hathaway - he acts by smarts rather than instinct. Either way, I do enjoy watching him.

And he's got great range too. I loved him in Burn on Reading.

NidaMarie said...

Lol, this really made my day--Hilarious!

Oh my. Alicia Keys looked like Michael Myers(not the comedian, the killer from the "Halloween" flicks!)

Great post--I missed the Oscars, but have a feeling reading this was just as enjoyable (if not more)!

P.S. Totally agree with your above comment in Brad Pitt, btw. Good, crafted, but lacks the "dil"
factor, in my humble opinion!

Anonymous said...

In Brad Pitts' defense, Angelia ho ka Jennifer, Brad is all dil.. but he was not given the same opportunity as Kate in the movie!

Anonymous said...

E Bradva hamaar gaavka hee ka!? Kaa actor haiy. Amaa, kya acting kiya hai Dej auph Thunder mi.

Anonymous said...

Kaa tu bhi humre bhai! Dej auph Thunder mi to Taam Crujva tha. Aur woh uski bibi Nicolia.

Anonymous said...

Bradva ho ki Crujva - hamaar Bachchan sahab unka sab ki chhuti kar deve haiy.

Anonymous said...

Lovely write up, Aspi Sir.

Do remember---the Awards that you establish, as well as the winners you choose are a window into your psyche! I had a good time peekin' in....

Unknown said...

Mind Rush, is this about the hair or the cleavage?

Unknown said...

Nida, I'm glad you liked it. What is your favorite Pitt movie?

Anonymous said...

How do non-South Indians of India pronounce Rahman? Without much emphasis on the h?

Keys' and Effron's pronunciation were not perfect, but there weren't too far off. I mean, it's hard for them to get the R and the H exactly.

Anonymous said...

The best Oscar moment for me was last year. When Helen Mirren (the previous best actress) announced DDL as the winner, and he knelt down, saying it would be closest to being knighted.


Unknown said...

"R: is to an American accent what "th" is to an Indian one :)

Lin, I'm having a brain freeze right now. DDL, who?

Anonymous said...

daniel day lewis? i assume..

at first i didn't see the "last year" bit and thought DDL was new name for Anil Kapoor..and was trying to figure out what it stood for.. i didn't watch oscars in its entirty but kneeling down in front of older actresses is something he'd do.. didn't he touch Hannibal Lector's feet at GG?

heheheh.. he's a joke

NidaMarie said...

My favorite Pitt flick was "Interview with the Vampire" though, I really liked "Seven", "Troy" and "Legends of the Fall"!

Anonymous said...

Hi Fellow Drifters:
Please do watch Freida on Youtube for her recent Photoshoot , It will change your mind. She is stunning.

BTW Dev Patel has a Real Hot Mom !!

Anonymous said...
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