Music Ka Maha Muqqabla: Enemies R Us

A few weeks ago on MkMM, just before SRK and KJo showed up to promote their now beleaguered movie - My Name is Khan - Himesh Reshammiya trotted on stage looking sharpish in a gray suit. In a matter of minutes he laid low the entire concept of the show. "How can the decision of each muqabla be decided by the people who sit in the back and not in the front?!" he thundered.

So what's with this front row-back row argument? Quite simple: its a class issue.

The audience in MkMM that gets the voting meters are the seated audience. In other words they are not the chavvani audience that forms Himesh's core fan group (and before anyone thinks I'm being classist, I count myself among Himesh's biggest fans). This means the upper class audience decides Himesh's fate. Not only does this eat into Himesh's votes but because our man has long been ostracized by the upper crust of Bollywood, this particular aspect of having his fate decided by the more moneyed hurts Himesh even more.

These days Himesh gets irritated quickly - he's become the Rocket Singh of Rageaholics. When this happens, his face takes on an expression of neutrality (ok, no jokes about how this is pretty much how he goes through his movies) and he crams in pause-less sentences into the microphone, not giving any chance for anyone to interrupt. Then he puts the mike down. This gesture of laying the mike down has such fear-inducing finality that no one says a word. Talk about technique!

This reached such nutty proportions that one singer - Amey Date, who now calls himself Aamaaya - lost his head. He took the fight, first to Himesh and then to the rest of the judges. The judges stayed their ground. Amey's blood boiled over - he staged that time tested technique of showing exasperation: he staged a walkout! Much cajoling by a bunch of angry looking producer-types failed to lure Amey back on stage. Everyone in the show begged for him to return. Mohit Chauhan, sensing an awesome opportunity to get some sympathy votes, strapped on a harmonica and sang something. He got perfect scores from the audience. The pressure piled on Amey, who still refused to budge.

Finally a couple of people just grabbed the poor singer and hauled him back on stage kicking and screaming. Seconds later Amey went hammer and tongs after Mika Singh, who got up and said "Idhar Aa beta!" At this point even Conan the Barbarian would have ducked out of sight. But Amey kept going. Poor Shankar Mahadevan buried his head in his palm.

All this was super entertaining!

Unfortunately for me, Mika has been losing his muqqablas steadily and was in danger of getting eliminated. With the unthinkable staring Mika the face, he took on Shaan, who has found the right mix of music and good natured muqabla to become one of the show's leading entertainers.

Vidya Balan and Arshad Warsi came on this episode to promote their new flick Ishqiya. The kicker? They both came dressed in character! This was something I had never seen before. Arshad came wearing his sexy-dangerous Surma Bhopali getup. Vidya came in a dowdy looking sari with her hair loose to one side.

"I've never seen you looking beautiful!" Mika exclaimed.

"You didn't think I looked good before?!" Vidya probed looking a little befuddled.

"I never saw you in that way before!" Mika countered.

Later Mika was so overcome by Vidya's beauty that he walked over, touched her feet and declared that Vidya was now his sister! This interchangeable saiyya-bhaiyya love is a proven way to entertain people. (See post here and here).

Happily this episode ended in a tie and Mika survived another round. How does a tie occur on this show you may ask? Well the 'computer' counts up to the first decimal. But if difference is less than half a point, the computer rounds UP both scores - regardless of which side of the half they are - to the same number. Wah, what an awesomely senseless computer. I want one for Diwali. But this raises the specter of rigged scores.

Like Mika himself once asked, is this show fixed? Given its sole purpose in life is to entertain me and this will happen only if there is drama in the competition, I sure hope so!

So on the main part of the show - the singing! Yes I seem to recall there was some.