Monday, February 01, 2010

Phaltu Reporting: The greatest hits of Amrita Rao

Bollywood celebs have been getting on twitter faster than Shahid Kapoor has been cycling through girlfriends. This seems to be a good idea - fans get a chance to talk directly to their loved ones. And the loved ones feel loved and get to interact directly with fans.

Guess who gets cut out - the media!

But the media has been striking back! How have they done it? They've come up with something rather innovative: the twitter news blurb. Here is how it works - the media monitors celeb tweets. Then they write about it. In other words, the media now reports to the fans what the celeb say to them directly. "SRK is sick!", "Imran Khan spent his birthday working!", "Celina has gas!" (I made that last one up - but you get the point, yes?)

But wait, there is more. Often fans respond back to the celebs. The media has caught wind of this and often reports on what the fans have to tweet about the celeb's tweets.

All this makes my head hurt even as I write it. But the incongruity of it all is much fun I have to admit. As an elaborate tribute to this phenom - which I call Phaltu Twitter Reporting (PTR) - I decided to respond with some Phaltu Facebook Reporting (PFR). I decided to check out Amrita Rao's Facebook Fan page and pull out the best her fans had to say about her.

Why Amrita Rao? Because her fans are the most entertaining. Over to them.

"U r ma dream gal !!!!!"


"how much"

"i wish.....i shud get a wife like u....."

"i use 2 think katrina is the prettiest bt no i change my mind after seeing u in the video song poorza poorza"

"u r definitely not the most beautiful gal on earth .. a true/honest msg frm ur normal fan"

"i have seen ur all of moveise"

"if there is any thing like black magic.....its in her eyes."

"ur posters r like paint in my room.they cover every square inch"

"I am mad about u. I wanna act with u. plz"

"I LUV U !! :) :) :)....WILL U MARRY ME !!"

"if you want to make a permanent impression upon the audience so that,you get remembered even after you than don't please compromise with your roles,story of the movie and try to do natural acting..for example as you have done in "vivah".............."

"Nothing new but I can't resist myself saying ........... you are gargious"

"you are very sexy pose."

"Wat i do if i lov u...:("

"your performance was good, but i loved your gestures from your face. It was hot, ammu."

"oh!! dear dont brake my heart..really there is someone special???"


"im not so big fan of u yet.. bt always love to watch yr innocency in movies."

"all of us are making comments on this wall.....however, amrita doesnt reply or post any comment on her wall.....does this mean this is FAKE????"



Mind Rush said...

Not phaltu at all! Who are these people who write so eloquently about their innermost longings? Their depth of emotion is moving. Sob!
What the media can do is this: Hire an English language editor. Monitor the fans' responses and clean them up, brush up the grammar, punctuation and spelling.

Anonymous said...

Ok, how many female fans does she have on her Facebook page? My guess is NONE :)

Kanan said...

This post is gargious! 8D

word verification: hoolly

Anonymous said...

Good one Aspi, some people do have a lot of phaltu time on their hands. But, their phaltu time is making our lives hilarious.
these word verifications are getting longer and longer.

meena said...

Thank you Aspi for putting a name to it. these twitter news blurbs are very headachy. Now, give a name to the readers who would rather take the twitter news blurb as source of info rather than the actual tweet/blogpost/facebook status of the celeb. The first time I noticed this crazy phenom was when AB sr expressed opinions on slumdog M on his blog. Now the media news blurbs were quoted in random discussions by people I met....but nobody had read the original :) about 'clueless'

meena said...

..and mind rush have you read any of the 'entertainment' news stories? not much given to grammar :)

bolly boy said...

i am such a fan!
nd need editore :-)

Deep said...

i would like to say

'you are v sexy prose'

memsaab said...

(What is phaltu please?)

I mourn the loss of spelling and grammar. I can't bear twitter and am finding Indian media (which I used to love for its craziness) more and more unbearable as well. I think that makes me old.

Tanvi said...

OMG! LOSERS! That's all I have got to say! :o)

Unknown said...

memsaab, phaltu = useless.

How long before the media starts filing reports in SMS English?

Anonymous said...

Phaltu --instead of "ph" sound if read as 'p' sound would be p-altu --'pet'.. miss amu has some great paltu's

MainHoonNa said...

Someone pair my Ammu up with Ranbir Kapoor pronto. They will make a wonderful pair.

- Ammu's real fan who is alvez there for her.

FAN Number one said...

Driftji I LOV UR BLOG!
I am ur fan Number One.
You're pen is like majiic!! I am reading u every day. Plz meet me ONLY ONE time. You will be not disapointment!! I too am writing poetry.
You're blogs show intellectual and innocense combination. U ROCKS!!
I is You're sinserest FAN.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Fan number one, I am the PA of Driftji, please contact me.
The charge for only looking is minimal, but if you would like a autograph or hand-shake the expenses does go up.
Also, please note you have to bring fresh flowers and mouthwatering cakes to the meeting. And, the brains of the person who is posting these phaltu stuff on the blog.

Unknown said...

haha, #1 and Anon - I think you are on to something here. I'm always free - but it would be good to get a cake or flower out of these phaltu florists.

But you know what this means, right? Some super romantic person visits this blog and uses these services otherwise these guys wouldn't be wasting their time here.

Ok, who is it then?!

Kanan said...

Aspi, these type of comments are so much fun to read when bored. They cheer us up so quickly. e.g. Ammu has a pic in wall photos on Facebook in ghaghra choli... or I should say ghaghra dupatta. :P

A comment underneath reads: "peCHe say TailoR bhoolGAYA sEENE KO KApRA HI NAHi HAI :P"

Word verification: unded

Unknown said...

Kanan, if you see Ammu's FB pictures you can see that she's torn between playing gharelu types and sex siren. She's gotten different portfolios shot for each 'type'.

Unfortunately her kind of movies are now not necessary because there is so much TV to watch in India where these archetypes show up.

FAN nuMber One said...

the Flowers nd cakes are surprise in advancement. (You will be telling to me, when you get them from me, no?) After all, that is Vallentines' Day in Amdavaad style.

Unknown said...

Number One, Valentine's Day in Amdavaad style is velan time day. You've heard that joke, right? It'll be making the rounds again in about a week.

Alyssa said...

Thought this article may be of some interest to you!

Its showing that Bollywood star Tania Zaetta, starring in Bunty aur Babli and Salaam Namaste is using twitter as a way to stay in touch with fans on a daily basis and also as a way to communicate with her celebrity friends!

Love that should followed through and bought a present from Thailand for a loyal fan!

anamika said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
memsaab said...

Phaltu=my new favorite word. Describes so many things in my life!

Anonymous said...

Am noticing with amusement that butter and Amrita Rao are going neck to neck! (see comments on next post)

poulami said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mind Rush said...

Amrita and Amul--both have affect the hearts of their fans?

Unknown said...

Indeed - and mom would approve of both!