Monday, February 18, 2013

Filmfare Award?! Annu Kapoor should be getting an Oscar for Entertainer of the Year!

Let's get this straight: the 58th Filmfare Awards were funny as hell! Sure there were parts that were unfunny and dragged - like those parts where people were trying to be funny. The best moments came when people tried really hard to be sincere and came across as looney.

None cracked me up more than Annu Kapoor. But its not his fault entirely - there is history here. Ever since I've had the pleasure of encountering him on my TV screen or in the press, Annu Kapoor has provided bharpoor entertainment.

Long ago, he used to host an antakshari show called...Antakshari! This was on ZeeTV. It was early days of India Shining. This was a show in which contestants challenged each other under the time honored rules of antakshari. You'd think the contestants would be doing most of the singing in this show, right? You'd be wrong! Most of the singing on this show was done by Annu Kapoor. All some contestant had to do was get some lyric wrong or get out of tune for about a nanosecond or plain just show some uncertainty and Annu would jump in with his arm extended (like they do when running the ball in American football) and break out into song. 

I began to call this show Annukshari. I even invented my own THIRTY SECONDS TO ANNU'S SONG game to amuse myself. Here is how it worked. At any point in the show I would call time. Once I called time Annu had to break into song in the next 30 seconds. If he didn't break into song inside 30 seconds, I would lose. Such was Annu's love for listening to his own melodious voice that he never disappointed. I NEVER LOST!

Then there was that hilarious controversy with Priyanka Chopra over Saat Khoon Maaf. In one of the seven arcs in the movie, Annu Kapoor played Priyanka's husband. The man found out later that Priyanka had refused to do intimate scenes with him. Upon hearing this, Annu ke dil ko thes pahuchi. Allegedly Annu said "I’m not good-looking, I’m not a hero. Agar main hero hota, then maybe she would have done intimate scenes with me...If talent goes out of the window, I guess you just need to be good looking."

To this Priyanka replied: "“If he wants to do intimate scenes and pass such cheap comments, then he should do those kind of films. I’m very irritated. I don’t think unko aisa kehna shobha deta hai."

Having pissed Priyanka thoroughly, Annu wrapped this up by declaring, "...she should touch my feet"

Then having entertained us selflessly like this, Annu went on to deliver a fine performance in last year's sleeper hit Vicky Donor. With a nutty wig perched on his head, he played a doctor trying to keep his fertility clinic from going under. In a bit of comedic genius  he wiggled his fingers suggestively every time he said the word "sperum". And in that movie, he said the word "sperum" A LOT!

But Annu wasn't finished yet. The Filmfare Award was bestowed on the man. Dressed in a cracking milky white kurta-pyjama-black coatie, Annu marched on stage. Host Shahrukh Khan dug deep and praised Annu's prowess. Annu cocked his head as if to say 'its about time!'. Encouraged by SRK's praise, he then asked for permission to recite a sher. To add weight to this impending shayari, Annu mentioned that this had been related to him in London. By Johnny Lever.

Before anyone could say no, he launched into it. He started with two jordaar lines that I did not quite understand. Cut to a shot of David Dhawan going "Whaaa...?" On the sidelines all that Botox couldn't prevent Saif Ali Khan's face from getting furrowed with puzzlement. Astutely Annu sensed that his shayari was going over the heads of the audience. With a little more force he repeated the lines. Having wound everyone up thusly, he delivered the punchline. Turns out the sher admonished celebrities for taking their clothes off for the press. (For Annu that would be a metaphor although most Bollywood actors would take that literally).

Having delivered this slap to his Bollywood brethren, Anu walked off the stage with a smile. SRK nervously asked "Sir, those naked people you were referring to - that wasn't us, right?" Chuckles ran through the audience and dented Annu's exit. Annu waved off the comment and hurried back to his seat. This whole exchange had me rolling on the floor with laughter. 

Annu, when are you on TV next?


Mind Rush said...

On stage, Annu again referred to the fact that he is not good looking, and yet is the fans' beloved. I take it, Drift saab, that he was talking about you?

And any comments on the whole Balki/Bulky joke? Politically incorrect but funny as hell!

Unknown said...

I could see Sridevi hiding behind Boney all the time. In fact at one point I think Boney had an arm laid over her trying to cover her up.

Sidekick said...

=)) Howlarious! I recall watching a bit of Annu's Antakshari which seemed like one big ego trip for him. Nice gig to hang onto for as long as he did on TV. Love your game, Aspi.

What a douchey peeve on the no go on intimate scenes. Yikes! The man is clearly made for TV. :D

Balki vs Bulky (as in Boney Kapoor?) - seriously! I agree Mind Rush, cruel but funny. Usually these award shows are deathly dull but this one seems to have hidden treasures. Maybe I should troll the web in search :)

Unknown said...

Sidekick, that was a long show - but there some really fun moments. I'm still trying to figure out who ripped up Gauri Shinde's shawl.